Published on 12, July, 2020
Read something on here the other day where some guy talked about the suicide rate in adult males in the Autistic community, not sure how true it were but it now has me thinking, what are your experiences, do you have suicidal thoughts?
My introduction thread explains my background for anyone interested
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/introduce-yourself/12880/aspergers-suggestion-by-therapist
Growing up I was a wrist cutter, I always have had suicidal tendencies. Obviously I've just put this down to being a depressive at times but in all honesty I've not even been depressed at times of doing it/thinking it. I now wonder if this links in some way, maybe frustration of not feeling 'right' to some sense.
This is all new to me and just about everything in my life in the past is now being questioned/looked at in a different light, very confusing.
I won't deny that I am having waves and fleeting thoughts about suicide, definitely not of the action type just yet but the thoughts are there. My therapist since the first session said I don't show emotion on my face unless it's an extreme emotion such as anger/happy etc, I got a bit upset this morning because the mother in law came round saturday and apparently she hopes she didn't piss me off as I seemed tense or pissed off, I actually really enjoyed them visiting so it came as a surprise to me today and I've related it to the flat effect with showing emotions on my face. It makes me wonder if this is what people think quite often, at work I always thought I was approachable but I've always known that other peoples perception doesn't match what I think. It's a bit of a difficult pill to swallow to know that someone thinks they've pissed me off when I think something completely different. Least now I understand why people have a different perception to me. (Hope all this makes sense, I'm venting a little).
1986 said:Read something on here the other day where some guy talked about the suicide rate in adult males in the Autistic community
It’s not just males. I’m female and I regularly have suicidal thoughts, plus I have attempted to end my life more than once. In fact, in this study they found that autistic females were more at risk of suicide than males, which is contrary to the general population (where the suicide rate is higher in males):
https://www.nhs.uk/news/neurology/people-with-autism-are-dying-younger-warns-study/
Without going into details, the biggest triggering factors for me in wanting to end my life have always been the way I have been abused by other people and my low self-confidence. Also, I find it impossible to get any help when I’m depressed because the ‘professionals’ don’t understand me due to my autism, which isn’t great. I guess there is also the issue of unfortunately remembering painful incidents in minute detail, which is due to my autism, but if I hadn’t been abused in the first place then this wouldn’t be an issue...
NAS36609 said:Without going into details, the biggest triggering factors for me in wanting to end my life have always been the way I have been abused by other people and my low self-confidence. Also, I find it impossible to get any help when I’m depressed because the ‘professionals’ don’t understand me due to my autism, which isn’t great.
YES!!
Also YES!!
1986 said:what would they say is the reason for it not existing
I've heard scepticism from a few psychiatrists, including one I saw as a four or five times as a patient. Interestingly he was one who I'd describe as open and relatively honest and who could actually see how mental health issues are caused by problems with employers, housing, services and so on. So not in the totally offensive, patronising and pernicious category, but still a bit arrogant and incompetent, as is the occupational hazard. (I did say somewhere that I don't label people... oops.)
He was obviously mostly concerned with people at imminent risk of suicide, and wrote on one letter that I'd 'somehow acquired the fashionable diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome'. I'd said how I'd been sceptical of that diagnosis myself until realising it applied to my own life. Having met several people with the diagnosis but nothing else in common, I'd concluded that it was merely a way of labelling people as 'odd'. He agreed that was why he didn't think AS or HFA were useful or meaningful categories. So I think people who are quite egalitarian can be reluctant to accept the ideas of neurodiversity and innate social disabilities, as they deal a lot of times with problems that are not innate but treated as if they are.
Other psychiatrists see autism as some kind of neurological problem associated with learning disability, so are reluctant to really expand autism to the vast majority of people with what are dismissively called 'autistic traits'. If it's not associated with something diagnosable, it's not real; if it is then it's a mental health condition or personality disorder (misdiagnosis with PDs is a huge problem). If they aren't themselves specialists in autism, then having autism as an underlying factor in mental health problems really removes patients from psychiatric expertise, and perhaps questions it.
1986 said:I must admit I have times where I'm currently asking myself am I chatting *** about the potential of having something called aspergers, am I looking for a reason to understand my behaviour and is it not just part of my genetic makeup....
I went through similar self-doubt during the process myself. It's true a diagnosis does not relieve one of responsibility, but it may help one be more accepting of past failures.
Here are a couple of threads about genetics:
By the way, the NHS link that NAS36609 posted summarises some important research.
That's interesting. So what would they say is the reason for it not existing. I must admit I have times where I'm currently asking myself am I chatting *** about the potential of having something called aspergers, am I looking for a reason to understand my behaviour and is it not just part of my genetic makeup....
Sigh... so some don’t believe in autism....
"Do you believe?" he cried.
Tink sat up in bed almost briskly to listen to her fate.
She fancied she heard answers in the affirmative, and then again she wasn't sure.
"What do you think?" she asked Peter.
"If you believe," he shouted to them, "clap your hands; don't let Tink die."
Many clapped.
Some didn't.
A few beasts hissed.
The clapping stopped suddenly; as if countless mothers had rushed to their nurseries to see what on earth was happening; but already Tink was saved. First her voice grew strong, then she popped out of bed, then she was flashing through the room more merry and impudent than ever. She never thought of thanking those who believed, but she would have like to get at the ones who had hissed.”
J.M Barrie _ Peter Pan
so much work needs to be done. If belief still has to come
Yes.
I've met psychiatrists who don't believe in autism. and others who think the solution is group psychodynamic therapy. Psychiatrists largely don't understand, and don't want to, yet they hold most of the power. A key intervention would be autistic-led training for psychiatrists, which probably means involving the Royal College. I'd hope that petition now at nearly 32 000 will help too.
I've been suicidal in the past, but not for many years. The risk is usually quoted as nine times that in the general population.