Anti depressants?

After a minor breakdown five years ago, I have tried a variety of different anti-depressants, but recently came to the conclusion that they never did anything for me at all, apart from very occasionally help with anxiety & obsessive intrusive thoughts.

After discussing it with my Doctor five months ago, he referred me to see a Psychiatrist in order to review my medication, but when after almost two months I still didn't have an appointment, I decided to test the theory for myself. I had previously been on a fairly high dose of Venlafaxine, but cut this down to nothing in just three weeks without any problems at all. A few weeks later I received a letter about the original referral & have an appointment in two weeks time. I told my Doctor that I had stopped the medication completely & he agreed that it probably wasn't doing anything & that in my case drugs probably weren't the answer, but to discuss it with the Psychiatrist.

My Doctor said that since anti-depressants are designed for neurotypical brains, they do not necessarily work as intended on people with Autism whose brains are wired differently. I have many neurotypical friends that suffer from depression & all seem to describe similar experiences of particular drugs, especially 'emotional flattening'. My experience of them was literally nothing, I even used to joke with my Doctor that he was giving me placebos.

Not sure what the Psychiatrist will suggest in two weeks time, as long as I keep myself busy my depression is manageable, but my mental state is highly vulnerable to triggers which once activated, can leave me feeling terrible for several weeks. My depression is linked to my sense of identity, or rather the lack of one & I find the only thing that reliably helps is to be around other people, i.e. avoid being alone.

I will let you know if the Psychiatrist prescribes a magic pill that solves everything, I don't want to go back on medication that does nothing though

After a minor breakdown five years ago, I have tried a variety of different anti-depressants, but recently came to the conclusion that they never did anything for me at all, apart from very occasionally help with anxiety & obsessive intrusive thoughts.

After discussing it with my Doctor five months ago, he referred me to see a Psychiatrist in order to review my medication, but when after almost two months I still didn't have an appointment, I decided to test the theory for myself. I had previously been on a fairly high dose of Venlafaxine, but cut this down to nothing in just three weeks without any problems at all. A few weeks later I received a letter about the original referral & have an appointment in two weeks time. I told my Doctor that I had stopped the medication completely & he agreed that it probably wasn't doing anything & that in my case drugs probably weren't the answer, but to discuss it with the Psychiatrist.

My Doctor said that since anti-depressants are designed for neurotypical brains, they do not necessarily work as intended on people with Autism whose brains are wired differently. I have many neurotypical friends that suffer from depression & all seem to describe similar experiences of particular drugs, especially 'emotional flattening'. My experience of them was literally nothing, I even used to joke with my Doctor that he was giving me placebos.

Not sure what the Psychiatrist will suggest in two weeks time, as long as I keep myself busy my depression is manageable, but my mental state is highly vulnerable to triggers which once activated, can leave me feeling terrible for several weeks. My depression is linked to my sense of identity, or rather the lack of one & I find the only thing that reliably helps is to be around other people, i.e. avoid being alone.

I will let you know if the Psychiatrist prescribes a magic pill that solves everything, I don't want to go back on medication that does nothing though

Well the Psychiatrist seemed to think that I might have ADHD as well as Autism because I repeatedly described that my head has always been too noisy & having both is relatively common.

Unlike most people on the Spectrum, I prefer social situations to spending time alone because the negative thoughts in my head usually won't shut up unless I keep them permanently distracted. I have almost non-existent self-esteem & find it hard to concentrate on things I like when I am alone because of the frequent internal criticism. Conversely though, being around other people usually silences them almost completely, so I am now in the weird position that if I want to enjoy reading a book, I need to do it in a public place.

I have similar problems sleeping & the main reason for my insomnia is that unless I am absolutely exhausted, my head won't shut up long enough to allow me to get to sleep. Sometimes I can use background noise as a distraction in order to get to sleep earlier, but it has to tread the fine line between being interesting enough to grab the attention of my subconscious, whilst being dull enough to not keep me awake. BBC News 24 is good for that, since at 3am you get things like the breakdown of financial markets in Asia.

The psychiatrist agreed that my severe depression was a symptom of my other problems, not the other way around, so it would be completely pointless to attempt prescribing any more anti-depressants, when they clearly had almost no effect. This being also evidenced by my recent decision to quit Venlafxine. I went from 225mg to zero in just three weeks with no withdrawal symptoms.

Assuming that the constant wall of negativity in my head is due to ADHD, he said that the medication was usually very effective, but I would need a confirmed diagnosis before they could prescribe anything. He asked me to read up on the subject & then return in a few weeks to discuss my feelings on whether I fitted the diagnostic criteria. I would need another formal assessment though, so it would be back to NHS waiting lists.

If the ADHD meds allowed me to spend time on my own without going crazy, then I would be a lot happier. There are so many books I want to read & Netflix shows I want to watch, but which currently I cant enjoy because the negativity in my head won't let me.

Life is rarely that simple though, & ADHD doesn't explain why I feel like I have no real 'sense of self', but at least it would be a start.

I wish you well with the psychiatrist pirate Santa.