Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
This week I left what I believe to be a great company as I've worked for them for seventeen years full time and twenty-three years part-time. I left 'mutually' but have left good staff behind with an antagonist working amongst them and other issues which aren't the company but people related.
I'm having an extremely bad day emotionally and haven't left my duvet. Whilst looking at my four walls of my bedroom I'm thinking of those I have left behind but also what I can do to help others. My hands are tied due to me leaving 'mutually' but there must be loopholes so I can help mainly other people. I believe in helping others and have real difficulty in looking after myself and in a way helping others does help me if that makes sense.
Hi addlestones,
been thinking of you quite a few times over the last two weeks. Funny, isn't it, given that we never met. Was just wondering how you are doing? Not expecting that all is great, just hoping not.worse than last week. Hope digging out this thread isn't making you feel worse, it's certainly not my intention, there was just nothing more suitable to reply to.
Hope you manage to look after yourself, difficult as this may be.
Hi Oktanol
I'm really struggling and spending more and more time in bed and when I can sleep because I dream rather than living a nightmare. I've lost not only an amazing job and left a great company while the antagonist and bullies remain at work but I've lost my identity and all my confidence.
I'm sorry you feel so completely lost at the moment, maybe not really surprised though. Totally agree with Misfit, that's exactly what it is. All these great opportunities, well, even if they exist it's not possible to see them at the moment. It doesn't mean there aren't any, but how and when you are able to see them doesn't seem to be something anyone else can decide or change really. I got those sort of comments a lot, that I should put it all behind me, look forward, there are so many opportunities (like I could work in a bar - yeah, right), stop being so negative - that's the problem, being negative about everything (which wasn't true, I was very realistic about most things apart from job opportunities)... I know people mean well and want to cheer you up but it can quite easily make feel even more alone and misunderstood.
Have you got someone who can accept that and help you a bit to keep yourself going? It's not always the most obvious people who may do that. Simple stuff I mean, like going for a little walk, even if it's just up and down the road, or making some food and eat it with you or coming over for a tea and a chat about whatever you want to talk about, also if it isn't anything positive or accept if you don't want to talk, or burning the leaving card for you, in case you had the pleasure of getting one, or just giving you a hug - the sort of stuff that seems nice but not really crucial when we are alright, but makes a huge difference when we aren't. Really hope you have someone, it wouldn't be a good time for being all left alone.
Sending you a big hug, wished it could be a real one
Look at this as a fab opportunity.
you’re free and no longer a slave playing by someone else’s rules.
have your period of mourning over the loss of the job and run all the what ifs scenarios through your mind, but there’s more opportunity out there than being on a 9-5 Employee and dealing with other people’s ***. Like I said before some people will moan and gripe about how bad their bosses or colleagues are but Won’t do anything about it, therefore don’t want your help as much as you’d like to help. The only one you can help is yourself.
Grief isn’t only about death, it’s about loss, loss of something which really mattered to you. In this case the loss of your job and all that goes with it. If you think of it as a period of grief which is normal then you can give yourself some slack. I have lost many jobs ( some I really cared about) and my health and my confidence too so though I can’t know exactly what it’s like for you, I do know that it takes time and being kind to yourself to get to a more tolerable place. Try not to think of it as the bullies and antagonists as winning but as a new stage in your life with other opportunities to explore. The last bit is easier said than done of course. They say that if you dream that is a good thing because you are in stage 4 and rem sleep which is nature’s way to help your mind and body work through what’s happening; so although it is hard to wake and sleep the problems and not escaping from them .. it is most probably helping you to slowly come to terms with it. As well as sleeping try to rest during the day, try to eat healthily and get some fresh air and whatever else gives you some comfort. I hope I’m not talking a load of rubbish but I know when your structure and identity is removed from your life it’s a big thing.