Left a company after 23 years I love and isn't bad. How can I help others??

I'm sorry you feel so completely lost at the moment, maybe not really surprised though. Totally agree with Misfit, that's exactly what it is. All these great opportunities, well, even if they exist it's not possible to see them at the moment. It doesn't mean there aren't any, but how and when you are able to see them doesn't seem to be something anyone else can decide or change really. I got those sort of comments a lot, that I should put it all behind me, look forward, there are so many opportunities (like I could work in a bar - yeah, right), stop being so negative - that's the problem, being negative about everything (which wasn't true, I was very realistic about most things apart from job opportunities)... I know people mean well and want to cheer you up but it can quite easily make feel even more alone and misunderstood.

Have you got someone who can accept that and help you a bit to keep yourself going? It's not always the most obvious people who may do that. Simple stuff I mean, like going for a little walk, even if it's just up and down the road, or making some food and eat it with you or coming over for a tea and a chat about whatever you want to talk about, also if it isn't anything positive or accept if you don't want to talk, or burning the leaving card for you, in case you had the pleasure of getting one, or just giving you a hug - the sort of stuff that seems nice but not really crucial when we are alright, but makes a huge difference when we aren't. Really hope you have someone, it wouldn't be a good time for being all left alone. 

Sending you a big hug, wished it could be a real one

Look at this as a fab opportunity.

you’re free and no longer a slave playing by someone else’s rules.

have your period of mourning over the loss of the job and run all the what ifs scenarios through your mind, but there’s more opportunity out there than being on a 9-5 Employee and dealing with other people’s ***. Like I said before some people will moan and gripe about how bad their bosses or colleagues are but Won’t do anything about it, therefore don’t want your help as much as you’d like to help. The only one you can help is yourself.

Hi Oktanol

I'm really struggling and spending more and more time in bed and when I can sleep because I dream rather than living a nightmare. I've lost not only an amazing job and left a great company while the antagonist and bullies remain at work but I've lost my identity and all my confidence. 

Hi addlestones, 

been thinking of you quite a few times over the last two weeks. Funny, isn't it, given that we never met. Was just wondering how you are doing? Not expecting that all is great, just hoping not.worse than last week. Hope digging out this thread isn't making you feel worse, it's certainly not my intention, there was just nothing more suitable to reply to.

Hope you manage to look after yourself, difficult as this may be. 

Guess this is the thing that is not easy or perhaps near impossible for some, to watch things going wrong and see others suffereing and just keeping quiet about it (which is different from genuinely accepting them). I can see myself a lot in addlestones' comments, I did this more while I was working in that place, but it was just as unwelcome. There were things the whole group was complaining about to each other, some of those issues really upset them, so it was clearly not me seeing a problem that doesn't exist. When someone had been treated unfairly I just couldn't do anything else than telling the people who did that about my opinion and how I thought it may be fairer - this reflected what many of my colleagues thought. But when they were asked by HR everything was just perfect, there couldn't be a better boss (the one several had been in tears about a few days earlier, or were signed off sick for). But if the same happened again I would do the same stupid thing again because I'll think again that it's going to be different this time, not because I believe everybody wants to get rid of that person that treats others badly but because I'm convinced that something can be changed and then everybody would be happier (that's another thing others don't seem to understand). To be told that someone being treated badly isn't my problem didn't help at all (I got to hear that from a few people, including the union rep). It's as if someone suggested that watching someone getting lashed isn't my problem. 

If you have the choice to stay or leave and can make the decision based on your financial situation etc., that's quite a luxury.

move on, it's not your problem any more.

I left my old work place on my own accord and no matter how much the guy who was left working there was bitching about ex-boss, he's still there, because he's got bills to pay.

Do stuff for you. thats within your sphere of influence. sometime other people cant be helped. 

Hi addlestones, I didn't comment on any of this so far, it was too close to the heart, but I think you did completely the right thing. They had decided to kick you out and they would have done so, no matter what. It would only have become more nasty if you had stayed and if nobody has helped you so far then nobody would be doing it in future either. It may not look like a good thing now, it could potentially cause real financial problems, but god knows where you would end up if you had stayed. 

Anyway, my advice regarding helping colleagues is: Don't even try. I know you don't want to hear that, it goes totally against everything you believe in to let them continue the way they have treated you and others, you find fairness incredibly important, and honesty. Maybe I'm playing devil's advocate there, but people don't want to know the truth if it's uncomfortable, they probably want others to be treated fairly but if you are treated badly, well, then there must be a reason for it, so it is fair after all. Your former colleagues are not going to appreciate your help until they are in the same desperate situation, and then it's too late. HR don't want to hear that someone at higher level isn't doing their job properly, because it is a lot easier to get rid of that person's "problems" (that is people like you) instead of even just suggesting to that person that something will have to change. Trying to point out things that aren't working well and making suggestions how to improve them is not what you are supposed to do, it is seen as complaining. You should smile and nod and then gossip and rant a lot to people who can do nothing about it, and watch others fail and tell them how really sorry you are and then forget them the moment they leave...

Sorry, I don't want to hurt you (it's hurting myself just as much) but somehow we have to learn from the things that have happened. We are way too slow learning anyway, others may have tried once to suggest a change, then they figured out it wasn't welcome, so they stopped, while we keep insisting in our (objectively seen good) ideals... If you try to help them all you will achieve is keeping your wound widely open. There will be enough triggers waiting for you that rip it open again and again anyway.

Sending you a big hug, perhaps it makes us both feel a little better.