I am sorry but I had to reply. I have an autistic with learning difficulties son, aged 15 so was looking for some guidance. I came across your post. I feel for you and your children. I don't know where you live or your full extended family make up or support group but sometimes, just sometimes the 'official' route stinks! This if taken in any context irrelevant of autism is a) a neighbourly dispute and more importantly b) bullying. A bully is a bully is a bully yet when bullied back is not a bully is not a bully. Simple. I wont condone violence of course as I have children but I know how I would deal with this! This is not right, at all. What I will say is it takes two hands to clap so please ensure you have not done or will do anything illegal, that's your first base covered. Then, I would go through the police and NAS, see what they do, thirdly and I am sorry if this offends anybody I would have to bring some 'men' into it to have a little chat, politely. If they know you are 'protected' so to speak I doubt they do much more. I hope this doesn't offend or sound drastic but people take advantage of the weak but the weak are stronger than them...if there is anything I can do further for you let me know. I pray you get through this...
unfortunately he plays a better victim than me and has the police supporting him. for example he complained about coloured lights in the garden, I have created a sensory space in the garden and the tree has colour changing lights (green, blue and white) that my autistic son enjoys. the neighbour complained these "rainbow" lights were homophobic.
Then he left bins at my gate, and only another autistic person would get how distressing my son & i found this with our phobias. it has been a targeted campaign of false complaints since, as I act so jumpy and 'different', help is not forth coming. Yes he targets me when I am alone, the lone woman rather than the childrens father.
Throwing concrete over into our garden and I did succumb once and threw it back, one occasion only. He did this and stood at his window waiting to film me, which he got! The next occasion he was in garden waiting for me to return from school run, he shouted over 'what are you throwing over' - NOTHING, i ignored him on that occasion with great restraint and I still now have concrete lumps in garden, no point moving them, as it will only mean he'll be at it again..
He keeps setting me up to fail, for example. My daughter was at the ice cream van, i was waiting for her at the other side of the road, this neighbour sped up the street, she stepped out and he did an emergency stop in front of her. I was shaking after that. Its purely to get me to react. A month ago I was tidying car and stood in road, his partner stayed on the path, going to their home, the one that keeps 'targeting' me he walked right by the back of me (middle of the road at the side of my car), close enough to intimidate me. All the while I had to keep complete control and as an autistic individual I am being pushed to my limits of what i can endure, ie being provoked.
its so hard to keep that emotional regulation and not snap, so much harder for us aspies.
"he's better at playing the victim", I was afraid of that.
There are alternatives you could try.
1. Cannot say this on an open forum and I would probably be banned or worse.
2. Instead of complaining through proper channels and this little known forum. Try the general media and "really" play the victim!!!
i did mention taking it to the media, but that made me look bad apparently and i was interviewed by police about that comment.
good news the environment team from council came out recently and one of the lights (under bedroom) moved. I believe dimmed? but still can see the light though around blinds.
bad news - my letter to the chief executive to complain (which mitigated the environment team coming out and some action to help us for a change!) was again seen as 'harassing' him as he works for the council. I am now supposed to sign a form to behave and no more complaints. in effect he has used the police to silence us.
I have to now sign a form to behave and not complain..... he of course can carry on provoking to drive us out of the house as he did the last home owner.
i'd never believe this could happen today. ps the national autistic society advised Victim Support. I rang them but im not a' victim' as its the neighbour making allegations to the police.
I feel so sorry for bringing my children into this world as its a tough world for us autistic people (i was diagnosed in later adulthood after 2 of my children diagnosed).
Unbelievably I have qualified in Psychology (as I wanted to 'understand' people) and I see the manipulation but due to my own autism I find it very hard to be believed and indeed not react to provocation but working on that one. I've managed to blank him for a year now. although its hard when he stares at me when im outside with the children or walks close to me in the street and the like. I just wish he'd move on to his next 'target' but I think us autistics probably make the best 'targets' as we are so vulnerable.
About the media.
Your mistake was discussing things instead of just doing it!
Unfortunately I am not the best person to advise you.
I have had my share of disputes with neighbours. And my strategies have often backfired. With one neighbour I decided to avoid a confrontation by tactfully avoiding her. ( I was the one trying to avoid telling her to F*** OFF.). The avoidance tactic worked. But eventually she came round in a temper and confronted me, demanding to know how I managed to avoid her for all these weeks.
yes such an honest statement to make wasn't it... so typically autistic even in my response..subterfuge not my thing obviously despite the psych knowledge. annoying but true
those neighbours, some just thrive on attention. which us aspies are so averse to.. even so much as to go to the press and share our stories. its almost an impossible feat for me to achieve when i just want to hide into the woodwork, despite my 'intelligence' and qualifications..
i would personally just sell and go but the childrens father is averse to being driven out of the house after only 2 years. One year of neighbour hell.
when i rode my motorbike in the back lane, one neighbour thought it would be nice to place hundreds of nails on this road, sorry i mean 'his' road..
another neighbour thought it okay to beep at the escorted bus service waiting for my son, rather than drive around.
aren't people funny but we are the autistic ones?
Perhaps if you have the finances or think it worthwhile ~ you could start covertly filming your assailant in action for a period of time, and allow him to become regularly and evidently the rising star of his own downfall.
If this idea seems 'intriguing' in any sense ~ here is a link:
A number of people getting harassed and abused have taken this approach to getting things sorted out, so maybe it could be a useful recourse for you and your family.
I have also put a link to this thread on the National Police Autism Association thread stating to them that your problem needs very much to be solved.
As far as, "aren't people funny but we are the autistic ones?" goes, I generally agree in this respect stating that I prefer to be the odd one out ~ rather than being one of the odder ones in!!! Hey-ho and off to work we go and all that.
Have a good one,
and man many more.