Published on 12, July, 2020
I can chit chat away but at the centre of things I find it incredibly difficult to express my feelings and what I want and need. As a result I can feel isolated and unsupported. Does anyone else have this issues and what strategies to you use to help manage this.
thank you.
A typical aspie-NT conversation about feelings:
NT: What’s wrong?
Aspie: I don’t know.
NT: You look upset.
Aspie: . . .
NT: Are you sad? Angry?
NT: It’s okay. You can tell me.
NT: Fine. Don’t tell me. I was just trying to help.
Definitely struggle with this. Usually when something has made me anxious or angry but i can't put into words why. A typical example would be something like a last minute change of plan. Perhaps i was meant to meet someone in town at 11am and that morning they alter it to 12. Logically if i was going to be there at 11 i would also be available at 12, so as far as they're concerned it makes no difference. But it would cause my anxiety levels to rocket. If they realise that i'm feeling irritated at them there is no way for me to explain why. Even as i say this i realise it sounds totally unreasonable. I'm still working on the strategy bit!
Yes small changes like that throw me too. Are you ok or how are you really does too.
Same here with How are you doing? / You're alright? Thought it might be a matter of not having grown up with it, but then most people in the same situation get used to it after a while (and 13 years should be enough, you'd think), so reading your and others' comments now, guess it's not just that..
I had some colleague complaining to my boss about me "ignoring" her. I hadn't ignored her at all, I had just figured out that my answers are usually not what I'm meant to say, so I tried saying nothing and it was taken badly. The boss then told me off and explained that you simply say you are fine... Later I asked another colleague (a nice one who would never complain to someone's boss about something like this, but asks this non-question all the time) if she could please just say hello instead because I'm finding this very difficult. She said yes, of course she would - and every time she saw me afterwards she said: "alright?" NT people being flexible, I guess.
It's the wrong country, I'm realising this now when nobody says How are you doing? in order to say hei...
Yes, that makes perfect sense! What about when kids misbehave? Do you find it ok to shout at them etc? How are you with conflict?
...well this is my 17th year doing it......it has meant a lot of wrinkles (I'm 42) but I think living a confused ND life in an NT world has also contributed to that...., and the kids like the fact that I work hard and I'm not conventional....so a pleasant surprise....
So i can talk about my subject and being in a classroom is a "performance" you deliver information and knowledge...so it looks like you are communicating.....but you are just speaking....it is a good way to give a mask of "normality" - if that makes sense!...you know your topic...so you know you're not going to stuff it up and you wrote the script!
That's true, kids don't hold back haha. I'm glad you've found your niche, it sounds like a great fit for you
) ( said: Always try to be yourself no matter what route you end up taking. I lost me long ago.I have become the” near enough” to fit and exist me.
Always try to be yourself no matter what route you end up taking.
I lost me long ago.I have become the” near enough” to fit and exist me.
Sound advice Mr W. ......time to claw back the self and start a revolution!!!
I am a geek....computer science (which also attracts alot of autistics)...so have taught many but until recently didn't stick the badge onto myself!
In the past I have taught GCSE right up to honours degree level.......presently GCSE and A Level.
I love the kids...they are honest and easier to work with and understand....it is the grown ups you have to watch for!! - lol
Quick reply as normality beckons!
A great deal of us survive in,teaching,computer programming,carers ,philosophers, or if just one ingredient is missing then whatever can be considered a place to just exist, me working where fitting in is easier, non intellectual mundane manual work. I have poor memory due to dyslexic traits, a cross I have to bear.
Some cannot exist and find themselves just keeping out of it as much as they ca,
none of us should have to try to fit in but until Society accepts us for what we are” just a little different” then that is what we must do.
Good points! What age group are you teaching? And which subject? Do you struggle with aspects of the job?
Who said I chose it....
it works quite well from an ND perspective:
Wow, that's a brave choice of career! x
Yes, always remember to exercise your true self! Even if it's just when you're on your own and don't have to worry about what other people are thinking x
I work as a teacher...the learning curve has come out of necessity! - :o
Oh i see, thanks for explaining that. These sorts of people skills always impress me because i don't have this ability. But perhaps i can at least improve with practice. To be that adaptable must be really useful but i can see how you sometimes feel your essence gets lost. I'm glad you've found somewhere you can be yourself.