Published on 12, July, 2020
I can chit chat away but at the centre of things I find it incredibly difficult to express my feelings and what I want and need. As a result I can feel isolated and unsupported. Does anyone else have this issues and what strategies to you use to help manage this.
thank you.
A typical aspie-NT conversation about feelings:
NT: What’s wrong?
Aspie: I don’t know.
NT: You look upset.
Aspie: . . .
NT: Are you sad? Angry?
NT: It’s okay. You can tell me.
NT: Fine. Don’t tell me. I was just trying to help.
Definitely struggle with this. Usually when something has made me anxious or angry but i can't put into words why. A typical example would be something like a last minute change of plan. Perhaps i was meant to meet someone in town at 11am and that morning they alter it to 12. Logically if i was going to be there at 11 i would also be available at 12, so as far as they're concerned it makes no difference. But it would cause my anxiety levels to rocket. If they realise that i'm feeling irritated at them there is no way for me to explain why. Even as i say this i realise it sounds totally unreasonable. I'm still working on the strategy bit!
Yes small changes like that throw me too. Are you ok or how are you really does too.
Same here with How are you doing? / You're alright? Thought it might be a matter of not having grown up with it, but then most people in the same situation get used to it after a while (and 13 years should be enough, you'd think), so reading your and others' comments now, guess it's not just that..
I had some colleague complaining to my boss about me "ignoring" her. I hadn't ignored her at all, I had just figured out that my answers are usually not what I'm meant to say, so I tried saying nothing and it was taken badly. The boss then told me off and explained that you simply say you are fine... Later I asked another colleague (a nice one who would never complain to someone's boss about something like this, but asks this non-question all the time) if she could please just say hello instead because I'm finding this very difficult. She said yes, of course she would - and every time she saw me afterwards she said: "alright?" NT people being flexible, I guess.
It's the wrong country, I'm realising this now when nobody says How are you doing? in order to say hei...
Yes, that makes perfect sense! What about when kids misbehave? Do you find it ok to shout at them etc? How are you with conflict?