Finding it difficult to express myself.....

Definitely struggle with this. Usually when something has made me anxious or angry but i can't put into words why. A typical example would be something like a last minute change of plan. Perhaps i was meant to meet someone in town at 11am and that morning they alter it to 12. Logically if i was going to be there at 11 i would also be available at 12, so as far as they're concerned it makes no difference. But it would cause my anxiety levels to rocket. If they realise that i'm feeling irritated at them there is no way for me to explain why. Even as i say this i realise it sounds totally unreasonable. I'm still working on the strategy bit!

Yes small changes like that throw me too. Are you ok or how are you really does too. 

Same here with How are you doing? / You're alright? Thought it might be a matter of not having grown up with it, but then most people in the same situation get used to it after a while (and 13 years should be enough, you'd think), so reading your and others' comments now, guess it's not just that..

I had some colleague complaining to my boss about me "ignoring" her. I hadn't ignored her at all, I had just figured out that my answers are usually not what I'm meant to say, so I tried saying nothing and it was taken badly. The boss then told me off and explained that you simply say you are fine... Later I asked another colleague (a nice one who would never complain to someone's boss about something like this, but asks this non-question all the time) if she could please just say hello instead because I'm finding this very difficult. She said yes, of course she would - and every time she saw me afterwards she said: "alright?" NT people being flexible, I guess.

It's the wrong country, I'm realising this now when nobody says How are you doing? in order to say hei...

I am a geek....computer science (which also attracts alot of autistics)...so have taught many but until recently didn't stick the badge onto myself!

In the past I have taught GCSE right up to honours degree level.......presently GCSE and A Level.

I love the kids...they are honest and easier to work with and understand....it is the grown ups you have to watch for!! - lol

Quick reply as normality beckons!

A great deal of us survive in,teaching,computer programming,carers ,philosophers, or if just one ingredient is missing then whatever can be considered a place to just exist, me working where fitting in is easier, non intellectual mundane manual work. I have poor memory due to dyslexic traits, a cross I have to bear.

Some cannot exist and find themselves just keeping out of it as much as they ca,

none of us should have to try to fit in but until Society accepts us for what we are” just a little different” then that is what we must do.

Always try to be yourself no matter what route you end up taking.

I lost me long ago.I have become the” near enough” to fit and exist me.

Good points! What age group are you teaching? And which subject? Do you struggle with aspects of the job?

Who said I chose it....

it works quite well from an ND perspective:

• you get to talk about your special interest
• you work alone
• you create your environment.....
• and from the empathic side of things...you get to help others 

Wow, that's a brave choice of career! x

Yes, always remember to exercise your true self! Even if it's just when you're on your own and don't have to worry about what other people are thinking x

I work as a teacher...the learning curve has come out of necessity! - :o

Oh i see, thanks for explaining that. These sorts of people skills always impress me because i don't have this ability. But perhaps i can at least improve with practice. To be that adaptable must be really useful but i can see how you sometimes feel your essence gets lost. I'm glad you've found somewhere you can be yourself.

Er,,,well,,,I will keep my shoes on me thinks Lol.

I tend to research everything to it’s fullest,maybe in a few months time I will know all there is to know about myself?

Well ok after 50 odd years I haven’t learnt much but onward and upward,

A tricky subject matter to be sure ha ha.

Same.....

hope your feet are clean...

Ooh a star,  unreachable but somehow offering such potential,shining bright but distance means the lites May have burnt out light years ago,very intriguing professor, I will lie back on the couch, get your pen and paper at the ready Lol.

just having fun ellie,x()x

I’ll be the moon.....if you’d be the stars,.....lol

Interesting question,maybe you are the moon lighter ?Lol.

) ( said:

maybe a councillor moonlighting

You or her? Interesting......... mmmmm  

That checkout lady last week, I was aching and the stress of uncaring shoppers bashing trolleys,abandoning then just anywhere and generally walking straight through you,well I wasn’t feeling like pleasantries, I hesitated and said how long have you got, I expected her to say,oh never mind then ,or oh, but she actually did want to know, maybe a councillor moonlighting Lol,

i know what you mean...

Examples....

“good afternoon madam, how are you today?”

Fine thank you, but are you?”

and

“can I help you, what are you looking for?”

”the meaning of life....where can I find it please?”

but to give the world a chance I mostly keep my gob shut! Lol 

Observe,adjust,,,,,,keep quite as you walk away defeated?

i do know what you mean though, some people just don’t want to cooperate, and no matter what I say they twist and turn it around, basically not worth me trying, I then assume a character that can deal or cope with the negative responses received, just another character but a defensive or extremely rarely attacking character, attacking mode only as a last resort in self protection mode.

I do enjoy being well,devils advocate or stretching the thoughts or beliefs of others, I find it stimulating to see anything from a new perspective, oh and belief was a wrong word before, I do not try to alter or change anyone’s religious belief just others idea of what is correct.

x

so, you have observed, tried a script, it works, so you log it.....the problem which we all know us what happens when the other party doesn’t stick to the “script”.... x 

Now that mask is ok as a coping strategy....it makes you more palatable and can make life a bit easier...

it gets easier with time....BUT....the longer you wear it...the more you can lose touch with your real self

i think most NTs prefer the mask.

sometimes when being an actor....you forget your true self...so can be double-edged x

and...like a limb....if the true self is not exercised....it can wither a bit x 

Well my mask is my ability to put the real me to one side,

I could say it is a bit like hooking them, well if I want to talk to a shop assistant it usually starts with “ some customers really are rude,I don’t know how you cope with them”? Hooked, a topic most likely to exhist which they have to deal with. I can empathise the feelings they deal with on a regular basis, 

i know four shop workers all female and all do different roles within  the supermarket, I am a people watcher, not in a freaky way I just see things.

if I see and hear a customer treating them or any worker like a servant or as if they are just slaves to meet thier needs I react by iether saying” excuse me this person is not here to be spoken to like that,” or I wait until they have gone and talk to them about how rude the customer was, this isn’t a game but my way of finding a common subject matter and attempting to make them feel better.

All my life I shape shift in mind and often with how I dress, I do a mucky old job outside in construction, always covered in dirt or concrete etc, I am at my most comfortable like this,I get stuck in, if I am expected to meet a client then dressed like this I will find it almost impossible to drop the role of just worker, I am that character in mind and appearance. So I plan by dressing neater,more formal,it works as my whole persona changes as does there’s, I feel equal to them.

I can adapt to cope with any type,I often get chosen to do work for tricky or demanding customers as I am called the diplomat at work, not the worst thing to be called.

I very quickly find out what makes them tick,I change to suit thier needs,it works,

I am an actor.

it does get easier with time, but sadly it becomes extremely hard to stop doing it all the time, so I forget who I am inside,my thoughts, my opinions, my likes and dislikes,

So letting my mask slip is me the real me being honest and not trying to be what people want, it frightens me at times, sudden realisations that “I” do exhist and thanks to the folks on here I am not judged for being different.

i cannot speak for Ellie, although my ability to read characters tells me she may be similar.

oh and boy do I skate around rambling to just say not a lot,

part of my wanting to share. Here I am want me, please talk to me, understand me, outside in real land so few want to understand.

Well my mask is my ability to put the real me to one side,

I could say it is a bit like hooking them, well if I want to talk to a shop assistant it usually starts with “ some customers really are rude,I don’t know how you cope with them”? Hooked, a topic most likely to exhist which they have to deal with. I can empathise the feelings they deal with on a regular basis, 

i know four shop workers all female and all do different roles within  the supermarket, I am a people watcher, not in a freaky way I just see things.

if I see and hear a customer treating them or any worker like a servant or as if they are just slaves to meet thier needs I react by iether saying” excuse me this person is not here to be spoken to like that,” or I wait until they have gone and talk to them about how rude the customer was, this isn’t a game but my way of finding a common subject matter and attempting to make them feel better.

All my life I shape shift in mind and often with how I dress, I do a mucky old job outside in construction, always covered in dirt or concrete etc, I am at my most comfortable like this,I get stuck in, if I am expected to meet a client then dressed like this I will find it almost impossible to drop the role of just worker, I am that character in mind and appearance. So I plan by dressing neater,more formal,it works as my whole persona changes as does there’s, I feel equal to them.

I can adapt to cope with any type,I often get chosen to do work for tricky or demanding customers as I am called the diplomat at work, not the worst thing to be called.

I very quickly find out what makes them tick,I change to suit thier needs,it works,

I am an actor.

it does get easier with time, but sadly it becomes extremely hard to stop doing it all the time, so I forget who I am inside,my thoughts, my opinions, my likes and dislikes,

So letting my mask slip is me the real me being honest and not trying to be what people want, it frightens me at times, sudden realisations that “I” do exhist and thanks to the folks on here I am not judged for being different.

i cannot speak for Ellie, although my ability to read characters tells me she may be similar.

oh and boy do I skate around rambling to just say not a lot,

part of my wanting to share. Here I am want me, please talk to me, understand me, outside in real land so few want to understand.

Yes, that makes perfect sense! What about when kids misbehave? Do you find it ok to shout at them etc? How are you with conflict?

...well this is my 17th year doing it......it has meant a lot of wrinkles (I'm 42) but I think living a confused ND life in an NT world has also contributed to that...., and the kids like the fact that I work hard and I'm not conventional....so a pleasant surprise....

So i can talk about my subject and being in a classroom is a "performance" you deliver information and knowledge...so it looks like you are communicating.....but you are just speaking....it is a good way to give a mask of "normality" - if that makes sense!...you know your topic...so you know you're not going to stuff it up and you wrote the script!

That's true, kids don't hold back haha. I'm glad you've found your niche, it sounds like a great fit for you

) ( said:

Always try to be yourself no matter what route you end up taking.

I lost me long ago.I have become the” near enough” to fit and exist me.

Sound advice Mr W.  ......time to claw back the self and start a revolution!!!

I am a geek....computer science (which also attracts alot of autistics)...so have taught many but until recently didn't stick the badge onto myself!

In the past I have taught GCSE right up to honours degree level.......presently GCSE and A Level.

I love the kids...they are honest and easier to work with and understand....it is the grown ups you have to watch for!! - lol

Quick reply as normality beckons!

A great deal of us survive in,teaching,computer programming,carers ,philosophers, or if just one ingredient is missing then whatever can be considered a place to just exist, me working where fitting in is easier, non intellectual mundane manual work. I have poor memory due to dyslexic traits, a cross I have to bear.

Some cannot exist and find themselves just keeping out of it as much as they ca,

none of us should have to try to fit in but until Society accepts us for what we are” just a little different” then that is what we must do.

Always try to be yourself no matter what route you end up taking.

I lost me long ago.I have become the” near enough” to fit and exist me.

Good points! What age group are you teaching? And which subject? Do you struggle with aspects of the job?

Who said I chose it....

it works quite well from an ND perspective:

• you get to talk about your special interest
• you work alone
• you create your environment.....
• and from the empathic side of things...you get to help others 

Wow, that's a brave choice of career! x

I work as a teacher...the learning curve has come out of necessity! - :o

Oh i see, thanks for explaining that. These sorts of people skills always impress me because i don't have this ability. But perhaps i can at least improve with practice. To be that adaptable must be really useful but i can see how you sometimes feel your essence gets lost. I'm glad you've found somewhere you can be yourself.

Er,,,well,,,I will keep my shoes on me thinks Lol.

I tend to research everything to it’s fullest,maybe in a few months time I will know all there is to know about myself?

Well ok after 50 odd years I haven’t learnt much but onward and upward,

A tricky subject matter to be sure ha ha.

Same.....

hope your feet are clean...

Ooh a star,  unreachable but somehow offering such potential,shining bright but distance means the lites May have burnt out light years ago,very intriguing professor, I will lie back on the couch, get your pen and paper at the ready Lol.

just having fun ellie,x()x

I’ll be the moon.....if you’d be the stars,.....lol

Interesting question,maybe you are the moon lighter ?Lol.

) ( said:

maybe a councillor moonlighting

You or her? Interesting......... mmmmm  

That checkout lady last week, I was aching and the stress of uncaring shoppers bashing trolleys,abandoning then just anywhere and generally walking straight through you,well I wasn’t feeling like pleasantries, I hesitated and said how long have you got, I expected her to say,oh never mind then ,or oh, but she actually did want to know, maybe a councillor moonlighting Lol,

i know what you mean...

Examples....

“good afternoon madam, how are you today?”

Fine thank you, but are you?”

and

“can I help you, what are you looking for?”

”the meaning of life....where can I find it please?”

but to give the world a chance I mostly keep my gob shut! Lol 

Observe,adjust,,,,,,keep quite as you walk away defeated?

i do know what you mean though, some people just don’t want to cooperate, and no matter what I say they twist and turn it around, basically not worth me trying, I then assume a character that can deal or cope with the negative responses received, just another character but a defensive or extremely rarely attacking character, attacking mode only as a last resort in self protection mode.

I do enjoy being well,devils advocate or stretching the thoughts or beliefs of others, I find it stimulating to see anything from a new perspective, oh and belief was a wrong word before, I do not try to alter or change anyone’s religious belief just others idea of what is correct.

x