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What is it like for you making friends

emmy2654

I was officially diagnosed with level 2 autism about three days ago. when they called to talk about the results they gave my parents ideas about going out and different groups to make friends. However I have trouble making friends and keeping them I only have one friend at the moment and that’s all I feel I can manage. I feel if I had more it would just cause me stress and physically and mentally wear me out as that has happened in the past. I feel like if I had more than one friend it would cause a lot of drama and problems that I couldn’t handle. How do you all manage to make friends and handle more than one friend without getting tired and mentally and physically worn out.  

Parents

  • Short answer is "I don't" and I feel like the worst friend/person in the universe... I find it a lot easier having online friends or people who live far away and I don't have the worry of having to see them if that makes sense? As soon as someone suggests meeting, my head goes and my anxiety takes centre stage. I feel like I'm just better on my own Disappointed

  • in reply to CrazyCatLady222
    CrazyCatLady222 said:
    I feel like the worst friend/person in the universe...
    Snowfairy said:
    I would still love a friend but I’m too anxious and I’m socially useless.

    At least 95% of the population are Neuro-typical and those with ASD are going to struggle making friendship bonds with them.  So many people say the same, or similar things.

    So many people here report communication problems with others out there, and are always asking for Autistic support groups and clubs in their areas.  That isn't a coincidence.

    The lucky few do have a few close friends, or maybe a tight-knit supportive family to pick up that slack - these things make that Autistic world feel less isolating. 

    I don't believe that either of you   are socially useless or the worst friend in the universe - I just think you've not met the right people - it is a law of averages problem.   Keep the faith !  

Reply
  • in reply to CrazyCatLady222
    CrazyCatLady222 said:
    I feel like the worst friend/person in the universe...
    Snowfairy said:
    I would still love a friend but I’m too anxious and I’m socially useless.

    At least 95% of the population are Neuro-typical and those with ASD are going to struggle making friendship bonds with them.  So many people say the same, or similar things.

    So many people here report communication problems with others out there, and are always asking for Autistic support groups and clubs in their areas.  That isn't a coincidence.

    The lucky few do have a few close friends, or maybe a tight-knit supportive family to pick up that slack - these things make that Autistic world feel less isolating. 

    I don't believe that either of you   are socially useless or the worst friend in the universe - I just think you've not met the right people - it is a law of averages problem.   Keep the faith !  

Children
  • in reply to CrazyCatLady222
    CrazyCatLady222 said:
    it can be really hurtful when I see she has been out with her other friends and not me

    I've had years of taking things to heart - and on reflection I think (mostly) NT people don't mean to be hurtful, they just don't THINK the same way.

    As you point out, your friend has lots of friends.  You have just this friend.   So if you were to treat this person as they treat you, they'd not feel it as you feel it - they'd simply spend time with another friend instead. 

    It likely isn't their fault.  They are just wired differently.  

    Try to think of it like a friendship cake.  You give all your cake and receive just a slice.  Not fair, but it isn't really intentional.   

    If you can get past the hurt, and realise it isn't personal...   perhaps you can carry on with the friendship with different expectations?   I hope so, for your sake. 

  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed

    I appreciate that more than you know... I had one close friend but I always seem to be the one she is "too busy" to spend time with yet there's constant days she is out with her other friends, I just feel like I'm not good enough or maybe too much for her to deal with which is really hurtful but I also understand it. I have taken a step back the last couple of weeks and not been responding because the only time she seems to talk to me is when she needs something or needs "my assistance" as she calls it, not even a "hello or how are you". Maybe I'm just being too sensitive but I could write lists of things that she's said or done that just make me feel totally worthless of her care anymore. I don't feel like I fit into her life anymore and I keep going between sadness and then rage, the rage has stayed a bit longer this time and that is also partly why I've stepped back because I don't want to say something I know I will regret when I've calmed down slightly. I know everyone has their own lives but it can be really hurtful when I see she has been out with her other friends and not me. Again, I don't want to disrupt her life by bringing this up and her thinking I'm trying to make everything about me, being perceived is one of my main daily struggles and although I could write lists about how I feel, I don't want to be in the spotlight if that makes any sense at all! So for now I have just stayed silent, I don't know what's worse to be honest but I'm scared of what might come from the anger in me... online or far away friends seems to be my best bet for now. 

  • in reply to Snowfairy
    Snowfairy said:
    I have faith and hope that I'll have a friend one day.

    You're amongst friends here for a start !  

  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed
    overwhelmed & underwhelmed said:
    I don't believe that either of you   are socially useless or the worst friend in the universe - I just think you've not met the right people - it is a law of averages problem.   Keep the faith !  

    I have faith and hope that I'll have a friend one day. Thanks overwhelmed & underwhelmed :)