I am feeling like an absolutely terrible person at this point. It seems either autism or whatever makes me seem like a curt, selfish, and odd person. Looking back, I feel like so many people likely "tolerated" me. I've never been able to maintain a healthy long term relationship or really any friendship. I fear pushing my children away and siblings away. My parents already do not speak to me. I thought I was just an overally emotional person that people didn't understand, but now it feels so out of my ability to control. I fear my life will be filled of more loneliness and isolation. I am very unsure of myself. I also do not know if I can feel love. I remember writing a poem in my teens about how elusive love is. I currently have a partner and he asks why I do not seem to be sure if he loves me. I don't feel loved because I don't know how to feel. I know this is not how everyone presents with autism, but this is how I feel.
Has anyone else started to realize how terrible they are after an autism diagnosis? Were you able to turn it around?
