Published on 12, July, 2020
I am feeling like an absolutely terrible person at this point. It seems either autism or whatever makes me seem like a curt, selfish, and odd person. Looking back, I feel like so many people likely "tolerated" me. I've never been able to maintain a healthy long term relationship or really any friendship. I fear pushing my children away and siblings away. My parents already do not speak to me. I thought I was just an overally emotional person that people didn't understand, but now it feels so out of my ability to control. I fear my life will be filled of more loneliness and isolation. I am very unsure of myself. I also do not know if I can feel love. I remember writing a poem in my teens about how elusive love is. I currently have a partner and he asks why I do not seem to be sure if he loves me. I don't feel loved because I don't know how to feel. I know this is not how everyone presents with autism, but this is how I feel.
Has anyone else started to realize how terrible they are after an autism diagnosis? Were you able to turn it around?
Dear NAS95967,
Thank you for sharing your experience with the online community. We can see you have had a helpful response already.
Our website has a diagnosis hub, this includes information, practical and multimedia resources to support autistic people and their families before during and after diagnosis.
You may want to visit the other resources on our website, we have advice and guidance on a wide range of information about autism, socialising and relationships, communication and education: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance
You can try searching on our Autism Services Directory for diagnostic services in your local area. The Directory also includes listings for support and social groups for autistic people, their families and friends.
In addition, it may be in your interest to look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: www.autism.org.uk/.../mental-health
If you feel that you might need some support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: www.autism.org.uk/.../seeking-help.
Kind Regards,
Rosie Mod
Thank you
The inability to recognize your own emotions may be alexythimia, often present with autism. Do you have any therapist? If not, maybe it would be good to try. i myself often struggle to identify what I actually feel. It often takes me weeks months or even years to identify what I felt in certain situations. Do you use the emotion wheel? Maybe your feeling if not being loved has something to do with some trauma. I think it’s worth to look into it if you haven’t tried yet.