Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't really know if this is the right place for this, the autistic parent section seems to be for parents of autistic children and not autistic parents themselves so I feel like this is the next best place? Sorry if it's not
I'm finding being a new parent especially difficult, I have a relatively easy baby so I feel extra useless not being able to cope sometimes and it's really getting me down, I can't find any support for this situation (it doesn't help that like I said above, "autistic parents" seems to be a term for parents of autistic children in a lot of spaces) and the service that diagnosed me a couple years ago has closed.
I feel like I can't be a good mother despite probably doing a good job most days, because I have days like today that I want to just sleep away. I can't recharge at all, my daughter has a wonderfully secure attachment to me and I'm so glad she feels safe and comforted with me but it means I don't get a break to recoup mental energy, I'm sure all parents have this issue don't get me wrong, but, I feel like it just is hitting me harder than it would if I wasn't autistic. I'm tired of being told everyone's going through this, it's not the same.
I can't even do adult things, since I left school I've tried to find a career path or even just a job I can stick at for longer than a few months, no one wants to be patient with me, they let me go once the burnout hits and I don't work as fast as I did in the first few months. My last job let me go about an hour after I told them I was pregnant.. not even that information made them think I should have more than a few months' chance. And even unemployed I feel useless, I definitely now feel I have a purpose as a parent, it's something I'm good at when I have the mental energy for it and can muster up all I can even when I don't which is something I haven't been able to do in jobs (makes sense, as I care deeply about my daughter but not so much an employer) but even then, I can't "just" be a mother, it's not valued even as much as a minimum wage job doing something meaningless. And I can't provide for my family financially by just being a good mum, so, it's kind of moot
I'm not even 100% sure of the reason for posting this, maybe someone has gone through this and have some words of support, or know of somewhere I can access specific support. I'm just mentally done and I'm sure it'll pick up again at some point but these crashes are getting harder to deal with and I don't want to be a crap mum who can't cope
I remember people asking how motherhood was in the early days and toddler days and my answer was often “relentless” I was so so exhausted especially in the first few months and ESPECIALLY the first month. I didn’t know much about the passage of time except if it was light or dark out so I also lost a lot of my hygiene routine, particularly tooth brushing. I have never cried so much, probably more than the rest of my entire life put together. I have no idea how women in America are expected to go back to work after a few weeks I couldn’t have physically or mentally managed it. Also I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to fire someone for being pregnant, what reason did they give you? I agree with Juniper also make sure you’re well hydrated especially if breastfeeding, and eat as well as you can. I ended up having blood tests after a while and I had low iron reserves, low B12 and low Vitamin D. When the weather perks up a bit short walks can be good for you with the pram, even if just to the corner shop get a bit of fresh air and sunshine. I couldn’t go very far to start with though, probably not even a mile. I was also amazed that I had to take myself to the 10 day midwife appointment and they wouldn’t come to me, that was a huge undertaking but so got myself there somehow! Thankfully I didn’t have a C-section so could drive the almost embarrassingly short distance.
Oh yeah and, I did end up having a c section and still had to make it to the 10 day appointment and they knew my partner and I don't yet drive! That was an ordeal in itself, made worse by being sent to the hospital straight after that as she hadn't gained enough weight, awful situation