In a relationship (is a quite personal)

Well in relationships its really important that both people know what the other wants out of the relationship and that that's compatible. It sounds like what he wants is a bit self contradictory. You work and support him financially? Then shouldn't he be the one doing things around the home and looking after the kids? Of course I freely accept maybe he'd rather it wasn't that way. Maybe he wishes he got a reasonably well paid job tomorrow so you could quit and he could support you? If so you need to ask yourself will that job of his ever come and if it did would you want to be a mostly stay at home wife? (assuming that's what he wants) Could he live with you being the bread winner and that being a semi permanent arrangement? If so maybe that's an option. Maybe he could be the stay at home dad? You need to have a talk about what you both want.

The same with the sex. You know it's very hard to maintain a health romantic relationship if each party has a radically different idea of what they want sexually. Maybe there is a reason your sex drive is so low? Unresolved emotional issues maybe, a medical condition? Maybe his sex drive is so hyperactive it's a clinical issue (very unlikely unless it's negatively effecting his ability to function). This may need to be part of a wider discussion about both of your issues around sex. But if you can't come to an understanding it could sabotage your relationship in the long run.

So in short "communication, communication, communication that's what you need."

We have tried talking. He works I work I have a Monday to Friday job and he has Wednesdays and Sundays off. However I get tired of hearing all I do is sit in an office all day. Yes it’s my job but I do find my own job difficult it’s not my fault he won’t leave retail. He won’t take a leap of faith. I did and found a different job. The kids stay with their mum 7 nights a week. We just have them during the day. We have spoken about it he’s a bigger person so he’s quite heavy and I have back issues witch make different positions uncomfortable for me and it the whole ordeal causes me a lot of pain  but all he says is go and see a dr. I came off the pill for a while and he wouldn’t wrap it but I don’t want to risk pregnancy right now and he said ill Pull out or we can go down that route if it happens but I’m not willing to do that. 

So the dynamics of your relationship are quite as uneven as your first post suggested. You’re both contributing to the family budget. You may be frustrated that he won’t leave his job too I don’t know go back to education? I can totally understand why he wouldn’t want to. These are turbulent economic times and qualifications are no guarantee of getting a job.

it’s weird that he’s expecting you to take more care of his children than he does, especially given they are his from a previous relationship and he doesn’t get to see them that much. But is it possible with the timing of when they visit he’s very tired because of work?

i’m playing devils advocate here.  As for your sex life it sounds like The issues are a byproduct of the other issues in your relationship. As you say before when you were having a few arguments your sex life was much better. From a purely pragmatic point of view you could just go with Girl on top positions. But I think what’s more important is addressing your different expectations in your relationship.

I reiterate communication is key. You seem to have different expectations of what the next few years are going to bring. Different aspirations perhaps as well.

what you’ve told me has not particularly convinced me that he is manipulating you or wilfully and deliberately trying to take advantage of you. It’s entirely possible that he is just a tired and impulsive and possibly bit depressed man who doesn’t feel up to doing housework, thinks rightly or wrongly that his job is more physically tiring than yours, and maybe feels overwhelmed by the thought of trying to engineer his future. Maybe counselling is an idea.

to me it seems you are as dissatisfied with the state he is in as much as the state the relationship is in. You need to discuss your issues together including the issues you have with each other and probably with some kind of facilitator or neutral party.

It sound like he's resigned himself to the expectation that you will leave. suggesting a course of action where you feel you can stick by him might be what he needs to jolt him into action.

I couldn’t leave right now because if he did go through with what he says he’s going to then that would ultimately be my fault. I’ve mentioned him getting help so many times before he’s just not interested he says he doesn’t want to hear it and he doesn’t care. 

i don’t know if it would be for anyone’s benefit would people think I’m being selfish because he needs help and I’m threatening to walk out on him because he doesn’t help with a few silly house chores? 

he’s done it before and he knows there are people around him that love him but he says that no one is interested in him since I’ve come around. He shuts down at that sort of thing he keeps saying you can leave if you can’t put up with it. How can someone leave when someone else says that? 

I don’t think I would though. I’ll sit here and think about it but I don’t think I could do it. 

I couldn’t leave right now because if he did go through with what he says he’s going to then that would ultimately be my fault. I’ve mentioned him getting help so many times before he’s just not interested he says he doesn’t want to hear it and he doesn’t care. 

i don’t know if it would be for anyone’s benefit would people think I’m being selfish because he needs help and I’m threatening to walk out on him because he doesn’t help with a few silly house chores? 

he’s done it before and he knows there are people around him that love him but he says that no one is interested in him since I’ve come around. He shuts down at that sort of thing he keeps saying you can leave if you can’t put up with it. How can someone leave when someone else says that? 

I don’t think I would though. I’ll sit here and think about it but I don’t think I could do it. 

It sound like he's resigned himself to the expectation that you will leave. suggesting a course of action where you feel you can stick by him might be what he needs to jolt him into action.