Published on 12, July, 2020
Yesterday my 10 year old son had his first violent meltdown which has completely shocked me. Although he is prone to meltdowns and will bang doors, stamp on the floor and scream at the top of his voice he is never violent. Yesterday after a meltdown I went to speak to him after when I thought he'd calmed down, he obviously hadn't calmed down enough because he launched at me and put his hands around my throat in total rage. His hands were gripped as hard as they could be. It was only for a few seconds and then he let go realising what he'd done and apologised over and over. I wasn't too sure how to handle it, you don't expect your loving little boy to ever hate you so much he'd try and strangle you.
When he'd calmed down I told him that he was banned from all his games consoles indefinitely until I felt he had earned the right to have them back and I told him that I forgave him this time but that I'd never forgive him if he did it again.
I'm worried that he could do it again if I'm not strict enough with him but I'm also worried that if I'm too strict he'll never forgive himself and may become depressed.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation.
Another question has been on my mind since. While I know the original poster was asking about outbursts in a ten year old child, latterly this thread has been about a 22 year old.
We're still learning about transition. For years there was this notion that autism was sorted at school, and there wasn't any issue after that. As numbers of those diagnosed as children hit 18 and 21, more and more recognition has been given to the process of coming out of teens if you have autism.
For some reason 22 has popped up in a few posts lately, in contexts that this is adult life - people set in their ways for all time.
Yet if you look at the evidence autism teens probably last to 25 for some. Certainly things started turning for me fairly dramatically from 21, but I experience quite strange lurches - what I sensed as delayed puberty, the last actually as late as 30.
There still seems to be this idea that people with autism are supported in school - and then adulthood starts more or less straight away, bar a bit of transitional provision.
Do we really know enough yet to assert that the behaviour patterns of a 22 year old on the spectrum are set for life. Or could that 22 year old be completely different at 25?
And is this approach to autism - well that seems to be what he/she is like....shelf them - in an institution or a hostel, denying them further chance to progress and come around to a more productive life path..... a humane strategy?
Are we condemning young people with autism too soon, when more years leeway after school age might be necessary?