Published on 12, July, 2020
Yesterday my 10 year old son had his first violent meltdown which has completely shocked me. Although he is prone to meltdowns and will bang doors, stamp on the floor and scream at the top of his voice he is never violent. Yesterday after a meltdown I went to speak to him after when I thought he'd calmed down, he obviously hadn't calmed down enough because he launched at me and put his hands around my throat in total rage. His hands were gripped as hard as they could be. It was only for a few seconds and then he let go realising what he'd done and apologised over and over. I wasn't too sure how to handle it, you don't expect your loving little boy to ever hate you so much he'd try and strangle you.
When he'd calmed down I told him that he was banned from all his games consoles indefinitely until I felt he had earned the right to have them back and I told him that I forgave him this time but that I'd never forgive him if he did it again.
I'm worried that he could do it again if I'm not strict enough with him but I'm also worried that if I'm too strict he'll never forgive himself and may become depressed.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation.
The thing is, where is your son in all this?
In the posts above he seems to be this problem/failure/dead-end. Also you talk at one point about you feeling you might have HFAS, but you overcame your difficulties, you have insight into your mind - he doesn't have any of these things.
For one thing it is no use comparing AS experiences. As a teacher working with students with autism from time to time, despite latterly having a diagnosis, I would not and could not make a simple comparison - look at me I managed. Yeah mate I was just profoundly lucky. Nothing out of my own experience could feasibly have reassured anyone I worked with.
Some people really do get a bad mix of autism symptoms and consequences. That is reality.
But a blame culture really doesn't work. I should know as I didn't have a diagnosis until later life. But I grew up with this view it was all my fault I couldn't do things properly and that was reinforced over and over by others. OK I'm mild end, I've had it easy, I got round things a lot.
It just doesn't read across for everybody.
I found particularly harsh the generalisation that people with autism "do not basically understand 'strict' responses like a line in the sand which you do not cross". Does anyone? Autistic or non-autistic? Or are we in the military here?
Really? Is that empathy or compassion showing? Or are you right about the possibility you really do have HFASD. And you cannot conceive of him having any life unless he pulls out of it like you did? It really doesn't work that way.
He may be as you describe - impossible, manipulative, plain bad. But was that all down to autism?