Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm new here; I thought it might be good to have some helpful advice from others!
I'm not a parent, just a 17 year old older sister to a 10 year old ADHD+autistic boy. I love him to bits but recently we've all been going through a hard time.
His behaviour's plummeted recently, and it's making it really difficult for my single mum, and I'm trying to break the problems down one by one, because I want to try to help.
It's not a huge problem, although it's been going on for as long as I can remember by now; but bedtimes are an ordeal most nights. After a particularly difficult (and late consequently) Saturday night recently, my mum got my brothers settled into bed early; around half past seven. But my 10 year old brother was still awake and finding reasons to come downstairs at almost midnight. This happens near enough every night. He struggles so much to get to sleep, and tonight I found that the positive idea of letting him go to sleep with the family dog worked a wonder. He promised he wouldn't come down if he could keep the dog while he was going to sleep, and it worked! They snuggled up together and within fifteen minutes he was fast on.
The reason I've decided to write here is because I know he's got SUCH a short attention span with this sort of thing, it's unlikely that the same thing would be able to happen tomorrow night, without there being a fuss. I was just wondering whether anyone else had any suggestions as to what sort of thing might motivate him to stay in bed and settle down to sleep? Bedtime stories are another big motivator for him, but I feel like only these two solutions wouldn't last very long! I thought I'd ask here whether anyone else has had similar experiences, and how they think me and my mum should go about dealing with it.
:)
My DD is 9 and has Asperger's/ADHD.
We don't have melatonin because her problem is behavioural in the most part (many people with ASD/ADHD do have very unhelpful natural melatonin levels and bio-melatonin is a complete gamechanger for them - the paediatrician will be able to advise).
Our Occupational Therapist helped us get on top of it. FIrst we made a plan as to what was and was not acceptable - my DD would come out of her room repeatedly when she was younger (and before she was diagnosed), so to prevent that i'd gotten into the habit of going in to check on her. This was actually keeping her awake as she'd be wondering when i was coming etc. In addition she would still come out to complain about things ("i can hear stepdad's talking downstairs" "i feel sick" "i have a worry"). The OT suggested i give her 20 minutes a day, at a time away from bedtime, as "worry talk time" to tell me anything that is bothering her - i have found over the months that these have become fewer and fewer, i think her brain was manufacturing them as part of her bedtime circus! Then at bedtime i tell her goodnight ONCE and then she has to stay in her room unless she is violently ill (which sounds harsh but she has anxiety and functional gut pain so she can feel sick/ill most nights simply through normal digestion). Knowing there's not going to be another opportunity to complain/fret seems to help her relax into bedtime.
We also got her a sensory lamp (casts watery quivering light on ceiling) and earplugs (she has hypersensitivity to some sounds). She is allowed to read as long as she wants as long as she is in bed. She has a kids flower remedies night spray (which i view as placebo but which helps her on bad nights). Most nights she is asleep by 9.30pm now (she gets up between 5am and 6am every day). On the odd night she is up until midnight but they are once or twice a month only, not every night like they were.
Hi Scuttle, it's so kind of you to help your brother like this. I am the mum of a 12 yo boy with ADHD and Aspergers, who also used to be up all hours - way past midnight and into the small hours.
It was very hard for me to cope with, as I would have to stay up until he fell asleep, otherwise he would get up and wander the house, watch tv (past watershed, so I was not happy at all) and raid the food cupboards. I was absolutely exhausted.
I discussed the issue with his paediatrician who recommended Bio-Melatonin, which my son now has on repeat prescription. I was told it is a natural product and not harmful in any way. The tablets changed our lives completely, he has never struggled to fall asleep since. Considering he gets up at very early in the mornings and needs to be alert for school, I can say this treatment has been a complete success.
It might be worth your mum discussing this with your brother's GP.
Meantime it sounds as though you are doing the right things, with reading and letting your brother cuddle the dog. I would make sure he has plenty of books available so that when he can't sleep he can sit up and read. Good luck!