Teacher wont believe anything is wrong...

Sorry you went though all that but also relieved it's not just us...if you know what I mean?

Just heard our sons assessment will begin in January . Such a relief to know we are finally seeing a specialist team and maybe will get some answers over the coming months.

x

Hi - reading all your comments I understand what you are going through and how frustrating it is!  My daughter has just been diagnosed with AS at 10 yrs old, but I have known for a long time that there was something.  When she was 6 she had a teacher that just didn't understand her at all.  Shes always been very well behaved and polite at school but has always had problems with loud and sudden noises.  An unexpected fire alarm going off one day set my daughter on a downward spiral, very high anxiety, not sleeping, feeling sick and not wanting to go anywhere without me.  I tried to explain to the teacher that it was the alarm (and the panick on the teachers face) that set everything off but she 'couldnt see why the problems would last that long'.  They ended up taking her down to an empty classroom and trying to quiz her on how things were at home!  I was shocked and upset but thankfully it was near the end of the year and her next teacher was very understanding, although the problems were getting worse.  Then finally, 2 years ago, a teacher standing in for someone off sick at school took me to one said and asked me if anyone had ever mentioned Autism to me.  I think I was just waiting for someone else to say it, I took her to our Doctor who referred us.  It took 18 months in total but finally she will be getting the help she needs.  It's so hard to make people understand sometimes, but we know our children better than anyone else and it's hard to see them suffering.  x

I am following your progress with interest as you are describing my life with our 5 year old.

 School say he's fine but I get it all before school and especially after. The christmas celebrations are sending him up the wall as it's disrupted his routine at school..he hates that.

We are on the waiting list for diagnosis currently...I am so worried that if they purely go on the schools report he will slip through the net. Dad is autistic and misdiagnosed until now at the age of 39. We are determined our sons life will follow a more positive path.

Good luck..keep going, you know you are right.

(hugs)

Oatie

x

Hello ceejaydj,

Like your daughter I was very possessive with friends all through both primary and secondary schools. I had one close friend at primary school, but every time she talked to, or got close  to anyone else, I would feel upset and would stop being friends with her; I would then annoy her constantly. At secondary school I was accused of being 'clingy'  because I followed one particular girl everywhere, and this led to her telling me that she did not want to be friends with me anymore. I had no idea that it was the rule to have more than one friend and that it was expected that you should be part of a group - this became particularly significant when I entered secondary school, when group formation is a natural social development for most people.  I ended up on the margins with no friends, and I retreated into my own world of Kate Winslet fantasies (I was infatuated with the actress).

Like your daughter I would have extreme tantrums if things did not go my way, but I was not particularly loud at school. At school, though, I would swing from being too quiet to being quite disruptive, depending on my interest in what was being taught and how strict the teacher was. But I never had tantrums at school, only at at home. The tantrums would involve screaming, stamping my feet, throwing my whole body around, and hitting my parents.  I am convinced your daughter is autistic, from what you describe. And I am sure that you will get the official diagnosis soon, just keep on fighting your corner and things will eventually happen.

Good luck

Hi Andyjay,  Thank you for your reply. So so fustrating when you know there are difficulties but the school are not willing to help or understand!

My Daughter is like a 'miss goody two shoes' in class and will do whatever the teacher says but will also tell on other children if they misbehave etc, i supposee the teachers like this and cant see it being a problem.  I guess as you noticed with your Daughter, that when she gets older, the differences will be more apparent unfortunalty.

Im sorry to hear she is finding comp really hard, does she talk to you about her problems? thankfully she has helpful staff in school now.

From nearlly eveything i read about schools, it seems that most primary schools just dont get autism but secondary schools are much more understanding.  My oldest Son is in year 8 and the school has been fatastic to both of us.  At least i know that my Daughter will be supposrted when she goes there.

Thanks again, take care

Hi Wendyocd,  Thank you for your reply.  I searched ASCOSS and unfortunatly there isnt a service near where i live.  Thank you anyway, they sounds fantastic!!  I have been in contact with SNAP who sounds very simialr in what they do as ASCOSS.  Hopefully, they will help us and advise.  Thanks again, take care

Hi Katie, Sorry i have not replied sooner, we have had problems with our computer.  Thank you so much for your reply, i became very emotional reading it. it ment so much hearing someone who knows what my Daughter might be going through. 

You sound very much like my older Son too especially regarding your anxieties with school trips etc, i remember when he was around 6yrs he was threatend with not going on one as he would not stop asking questions all the time! 

My Daughter is very quiet at the momment and will not speak about her concerns to her teachers and most importantly, not even me, which makes me sad.  I can tell when she is anxious as you can see the flight or fight responces, she becomes rigid, mute and bites her nails so deep they occassionally bleed, her eyes are also wide, this happenes every morning as she is worried about getting to school late.

She has started to tell me that she has one friend but she doesnt like it when her friend plays with other children, she says she gets angry as she believes this friend is hers only.  Nothing has been mentioned in school so i am asuming things are ok at the momment about it.

We can go for days and everything seems ok at home but something as simple (to us) as me putting sugar on her cerial first instead of milk (like this morning) and she blows!!  Full on crying and screaming and calling me stupid etc!!  We must live in quite a structured and routine based home but her tantrums are still quite shocking and take us by suprise.

I have come to the conclution that there is nothing i can do about changing her teachers perception of autism (especially girls) and that in 9 months time she will have another teacher who i hope will be more understanding but, in the mean time, i have contacted an organisation called SNAP who will come into school with me next month to discuss my concerns with the teachers.  Also, i am going to contact the school advisory teacher for autism about hopefully trying to make the teacher more aware and to implement social stories (which her last teacher did  last year). 

My Daughter has huge issues with change and everything is black and white to her, she appears to have issues with the weather changes and change in morning routines in school i.e. using a different door when it rains to save getting wet (which she wont do), going into class early if (she waits even if on her own until the bell goes before she goes into class)... i think a social story explaining 'what if' sonarios would really help her.  We can do one here but it wont work as well.  She does whatever the teacher says so they need to do it.  We'll see though, got a feeling it wont happen.

It sounds like you have an amazing Mum and that your diagnosis has been a turning point in your life for the better   It is so encouraging to hear.  Thanks again for replying, i have also taken your advice about sending articles, books or websites to school, i will be taking a load of information when i go in to the meeting next month with SNAP.  I could also pop a book or two into my Daughters bag in the hope one of the teachers or LSA's will read them lol!!  Take care xx

Hi, I had the same thing with my 11 year old daughter. She's very academic and has always been very well behaved at school, her primary have always refered to her as a model pupil, which made me think it was my parenting that was causing her difficulties and prevented me going for help.

She started Comprehensive last September and it's become very apparent since then that she does struggle. I took her to my GP during her last year in primary as her behaviours seemed to be getting worse and he told me that she's displaying classic Asperger symptoms and he was surprised I hadn't been for help before.

Her primary teacher still refused to believe that there could possibly be anything wrong, even though I had told her what my GP had told me and that he had refered her to our local child mental health service.

Her teacher made the comment that the only problem she had was a lack of concentration sometimes in class. When I asked her how she knew this, she said it was because Eve always looks away when I'm talking to her!! Doh. When I questioned Eve about this she said it made her uncomfortable when people 'stare' at her.

Like your daughter, she's always appeared to get on well with other children and has friends in school, but has no interest in them outside of school. She also has tummy ache with anxiety which at times gets that bad, it causes her diarrhoea!!

I think what I'm trying to say is don't let school staff put you off, as they did me. She's finding comp really hard now, although the staff there have been fantastic and really helpful. Continue to push for the help you need, if she's struggling with school make sure they know it.

Find out about ASCOSS and get in touch with them as they would work with the school and teach the school how best to support your daughter. I, like Katie had the same problems and experiences at school.

Contact the helpline on this site and they should be able to put you in touch with your local ASCOSS.

I have two boys who are both autistic and in school and ASCOSS are brilliant at educating the school and their staff.

Hiya, my names Katie and I'm 17. I've got Aspergers Syndrome, and I was only diagnosed a few months ago. Like your daughter, I always did my best to adapt and 'blend in' with the kids at that age, it was only when I got to high school that things got really bad.

At primary school the only real 'symptoms' I showed there was when something big changed, like moving up from nursery to reception, from infants to juniors, then when the whole thing became a primary school. I used to scream, cry, throw up and cling to solid objects every time, they had to introduce a 'weening' window where they would slowly introduce me to the new envoirnment/curriculum over a few weeks. I'm annoyed they didn't pick up on it to be honest, knowing I had Aspergers would have made high school life so much easier.

Routines are still very important to me, and every time there was some sort of play or trip I would interrogate (literally corner a teacher and question them) teachers for every little detail. Because I was one of the higher achieving students, they immediately wrote me off as fine, even if I did have trouble with the other kids as I got older. When I was in year 6 I got bullied badly with no way to tell teachers as they'd just brush it off as 'playing'.

I had only one true 'friend' at primary who I'd occassionally invite over to play with, but if my mum invited her over I'd just blank her and go do my own thing. I usually apologised the next day but I think she knew I wasn't 'normal', so luckily she was more leniant than most normals kids.

To date I still come home after a day at 6th Form and rant about my day to mum, and between us we try and decide whats worth complaining to them about or not. Since I was diagnosed I've had the SEN unit to escape to, where they're nice and genuinely try to help me. I also get on with the younger (they're all at least 3 years younger than me) kids with AS too, I've never been so sociable in my life! I'm nearly always in there talking to the kids at lunchtime or break, because conversations just seem so much easier and what they say seems interesting, unlike conversations with 'normals'.

Chances are the primary aren't going to budge I'm afraid, your best bet is to keep supporting her as well as to look in advance at high schools with specialist ASD units, because most of the time they'll agree to speak with her or offer support even if she isn't diagnosed, however, make sure you talk to the SEN unit directly, don't expect the actual school to do it, because they don't care about the kids, only the results.

I hope this helps in some way. As a last resort you could find a few web pages about aspergers syndrome in girls to send to the teacher, or direct them to this website, as it might give them more of an insight.

Good luck!