Shunning comfort when hurt/upset

the thing is, when we are injured, or frightened or suffering sensory stuff, we "work" in our heads to bring the issue to managabiliy. having to interact with someone else, no matter how well meaning, distracts from this. It is best to loiter some few yards away, body positioned at 45 degrees so as to offer assistance by your presence without active intrusion. Let him/her yell, kick the floor etc untill they kinda calm then ask if theyre ok. at this point they may tell you what you could do to help (in my case often after a "what the f*** do you think? I broke my ??? get me a towel!"). The timing here is important but you will learn to recognise the moment, but as a guide its after the args and ows turn to expletives.

I even occasionally apologise for the outburst

Hi,this is the first time I have been on this forum. My son who is 5 has recently been diagnosed with Asperger's. He reacts in exactly the same way if he hurts himself. He will not let me comfort him at all or even ask if he is ok. Like your daughter he just pushes me away. It is really upsetting as a parent as you just don't want to cuddle them and make sure they are ok. I am always worried about what will happen if he hurt himself very badly as I just don't know how we would deal with it. Nice to know I am not alone in this though! Also, interesting to see it is a sensory overload as I hadn't considered that before.

Thanks Chrystal.  I am quite lucky that we do seem to have too many meltdowns, particularly now that her speech has shown some improvement.  It is more when she has fell over and hurt herself that causes the issue.  I feel like we had a break through this week though,  we had a little game when she was calm and had something wrong with her finger, where I was kissing it better.  The next day she fell over,and even though she did her usual behaviour when first hurt, when her meltdown finished, she came to me to kiss it better.  It was great and made me feel like I could give her a level of comfort, even if it wasn't when first hurt.

in terms of school, she is still in pre-school until September, but they have been fantastic as the teacher worked in special needs for 8 years.  So they have a visual timetable, routine based morning,  have an action plan for speech and social communication and she has good interaction with her key worker.  In fact I am dreading her going to reception,  because I am not sure it is going to work as well.  I am just hoping we get a formal diagnosis/support before then.

Hi, yes it can be so difficult when you instinctively want to comfort someone + they don't want it.  But as mumof4boys772 says, it's not unusual with our children.  Apart from the obvious, such as trying to avert a meltdown by recognising the signs before it happens and/or avoiding situations where it's likely to happen, I think it's sometimes difficult to know what to do for the best.  Obviously if a child is in danger of hurting themselves or others in some way, then that needs to be guarded against if possible.  When things have settled down, depending on the child, it may be worth talking about what happened in a non-judgemental, calm, relaxed way.   However this wdn't work for some children + you know your child better than we do.  It can be quite complicated to identify all the triggers than can cause distress, anxiety, or a meltdown. Changes from routine, sensory issues such as taste, texture, light, noise, smell.  Sensory overload.  Not all can be avoided or ameliorated, but where possible it's best to take action.  If your child can find something that helps her to self-soothe then that would be a help.  Is there something she finds soothing that could be supplied to her when she starts to get anxious or upset?   Maybe something within easy reach, maybe some "magic reassuring words".  Some of our children appreciate the weighted blankets, vests, etc.  If you are thinking about trying these then see if you can borrow 1 from an OT or similar as they are expensive to buy + your child may not take to them.  School can be a big trigger for anxiety + meltdowns, even if the child appears to be coping well whilst there.  Does your child go to mainstream?  If so, what provision to they make for her? 

Very helpful.  This is all still so new, I never really thought about it being a sensory issue.  As she doesnt really have any other touch type sensitivities, it's more noise and taste.

Is there strategies that normally helps during these periods? Or do you just wait it out?  I think that for the most part, we have already naturally adjusted our parenting style for a lot of her behaviours.  But not being able to comfort her when she is hurt is probably the one I struggle with.

Intervening physically and/or verbally can add to the sensory overload.

I dont have any advice or help but i think this is completely normal for our children,my son is like this,you just want to cuddle him but he wont let you near him,it takes a longtime to calm him down xx