Published on 12, July, 2020
hi
does anyone know how to discipline a asd child? my 4 year old son is very hyperactive and quick to aggression. so as you can imagine he is very easily upset and quick to have a meltdown. i am trying to catch it before he has a meltdown but it can be so quick it can be impossible to stop. i know his triggers but can not always eliminate them for example like his little sister crying. i generally use timeout for any hitting but when he gets worked up i know he finds it hard to not hit. also if i did put him on timeout when having a meltdown it would just esculate the problem. at the moment when he has a meltdown i first do what i can to calm him down and feel better. but when he is then calm what do i do to then get him to realise that he can't hurt people? he is also so heavyhanded when playing and doesn't realise he is hurting other children. i don't know what to do. i don't want him to hurt people and lose friends as he is already saying to me he's noticed he's different to other people, losing friends would make it harder for him.
I have to agree that Outraged brings up several key points that could help you in regards to educating your son, and personally feel your response to be excessively hostile, rude, and disregards all that's been said by not just Outraged but by others on this thread.
If you cannot interact peacefully and with understanding online when conversing with a full grown Aspie, you -will- struggle with 'disciplining' your son as he grows.
Its that knee jerk anger that so often causes problems in young autistic people to start with. Rather than getting so upset you're blinded by everything else, take the time to calm down and see things from anothers point of view.
No one asks to be stuck with any form of Autism. It is a curse. If you yourself have this then you should be all the more understanding.
Yes you may be struggling with your sons diagnosis, but the best thing you can do for all of you is to find an outlet for your rage, both for yourself and for your son. Get him a punching bag, teach him Tai Chi, an activity that'll take his full concerntration and wear him out WITHOUT the violence.
If you can't lead by example how can he hope to learn to control his anger? Please, do not react with aggression to posts on this website as the people here are indeed trying to help. They are speaking out of kindness. If they didn't want to help, they'd ignore your posts and move on. Your reaction could only hurt a fellow Aspie and will help NO ONE. Bear in mind this isn't just a 'parents with ASD kids'-only website, many of us here have a form of autism ourselves and part of that is difficulty communicating. So please, keep hostility to a minimum. If you're upset with Outrage's post, then simply state in one sentence you're upset and why you are upset in a simple logical manner. Your outburst only serves to upset people.
Many people I know with ASD (of all ages, it runs in my family) will get upset when the people they look up to get upset, yelling at us when we're doing something wrong will escalate the situation into all out war, leaving all sides feeling hurt and upset. I suggest implementing a routine where your son has to go and do an activity when he's STARTING to feel upset rather than when he gets to the point of no control. By then it's too late. Make sure his siblings know to keep their distance when he performs this task, as they will most likely hound him or harass him without knowing any better which will only set him off. They must all learn to respect each others boundries. By giving him a way of expressing himself, you're giving yourself the chance to help him overcome his worries and fears before it gets to a stage where you're all helpless.
Yes he must learn not to hit other people. But that doesn't mean he can't hit another object out of frustration. Having no way of expressing yourself is what I'd consider to be the most inhuman torture possible, then being punished for expressing yourself the only way you know how only serves to distance you from the so called 'society' who thinks its alright.
What I have said may upset you. I apologise. I am merely trying to express how from my personal experience as someone with a form of ASD could help you and your son, as well as give you an insight as to what your son may be feeling. The fact you are asking for help speaks a lot to your person and indicates you are a good parent. Please do not take out your aggression needlessly on other users.