When One Transition Feels Like a Thousand

I forgot to add - regarding your own response to this: I found it incredibly hard when supporting my children with their difficulties at school. It can feel totally overwhelming because you want to do all you can to support them but you’re often dealing with a system that makes it very hard to get your child the help they desperately need. It’s really important to take care of yourself too - and take ‘time off’ from the mental and emotional strain of it all. Make time for yourself to do things that give you space to do something you enjoy and that helps you to relax. Supporting a neurodivergent child through their school life is a long game - so you need to pace yourself because it’s an ongoing thing that can feel exhausting at times. I hope you have supportive family or friends - it can help to share things by talking about it with supportive people who can understand. 

Both my children suffered with transitions. When my eldest started school he developed stomach problems and lost an alarming amount of weight, in the end we moved him to a school with smaller class sizes and fewer disruptive children and things improved a lot. When he moved to secondary school he found it very challenging and it was a bit rocky for a while - but then things settled down, school was always a strain for him though. When my youngest started school he developed Selective Mutism and he never managed to overcome that throughout his school years. In a 2am he struggled so severely that the first transition to secondary school was ‘just more of the same’ in that things were already bad, and they stayed bad. However when he moved to his next school he really hit a wall and just refused to go to school anymore. I understood this - and in a way was surprised he hadn’t had school refusal already as the pressure on him to have Mutism at school was awful. After a few weeks/months (can’t remember exactly long it was as it feels like it was a bit of a blur) he eventually agreed to go back on a much reduced timetable of a few hours a week, just go8ng in for individual lessons and then coming home. I would drive him in and walk round the village where the school was and then meet him and bring him home after the lesson. It broke my heart to see my children suffer in the way they did at school - particularly my youngest as his Selective Mutism made his life at school so incredibly hard. I’m sorry that this isn’t a more positive reply. I can only say: listen deeply to your daughter and never underestimate the pressure being in school can put on autistic children. I hope things go ok for you all. 

profdanger said:

ust because I managed it with less struggle doesn’t mean my child should be able to as well.

Oh strong yes here. It nearly stopped me getting him help as his teachers said he wasn't doing the work, but as he is clever, I thought, well he's just like me and I managed. Thankfully we are on the right track now at least as his issues are different than mine.

Good morning,

So I’m a little far behind you (my AuDHD child is only 7), but she had a tough transition from kindergarten (which is mostly play-based learning) to 1st grade (which is mostly desk work). We actually had to switch between a few schools before we found her the right fit for a classroom. So moving around actually helped in our case, though I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that since that adds even more transitions and routine changes to your child’s life.

Yeah, I have had my AuDHD flare up when my child struggles. The biggest thing I’m working through right now is trying to get over the idea of “Well I had Autism as a child and I got through X and Y.” Just because I managed it with less struggle doesn’t mean my child should be able to as well.

Hi Cinnabar_wing ! 

Thank you so much for your reply, it is nice to feel less alone navigating this. 

I hope your sons assessment next week goes well and I would try to access as much as you can once you receive his diagnosis - from my experience, it can take a while. My daughter was slightly similar, he was from a small school with familiar faces however, they did change teacher each year but sometimes they could have the same one again. It does sound like your children's school is supportive, so that is helpful! 

I think I have been in burnout for a while too. I feel like I am a piece of string on its last thread constantly. I do hope you feel better soon. 

Loz  

I don't have advice just yet, but wanted to just offer support as next year my son transitions to high school and I have been dreading it. He's finally due his assessment next week, and I'm hoping it will help as I think his high school have enhanced transitions for those that qualify. For him it really affacts his school work, so he'll stuggle going from his current small rural school with a teacher that's had him for 6 of his 7 years there and learnt to accomodate his needs, to a high school with multiple teachers a day. I hope you get some advice as I could do with it too!

My daughter just transitioned up from the p1-3 class to the p4-7 class and I had suspected she might also be ND, but it has had a huge effect on her too and now has requent meltdowns and lapses into only being able to write and not speak.  Speaking to her teacher now is hopefully going to have some positives for her, but it's not the same comparred to a high school transition. I think she will struggle with that one too.

And yeah, trying to deal with one child having frequent shutdowns and the other daily meltdowns, it's been extremely hard for me this term. I think I'm in burnout, but homelife stress is not something you can avoid. Monday was a bank holiday here (Scotland) and I had a meltdown myself as I let the noise get on top of me. I need to learn to go to a dark room if I can, as weekends/holidays seem to be getting worse for me (plus the extra stress of christmas).