Published on 12, July, 2020
So, I’ve recently been diagnosed and finally feel that I’m unable to mask (36 year old female that has always struggled with socialised and relationships in general).
Simple things like my partner not replying to me when she’s not with me, she is on her phone a lot when we are together, and I don’t for one minute think she is doing anything she shouldn’t be doing. She says she doesn’t reply straight away when we’re not together if she is doing something on her phone and just thinks “I’ll reply when I’ve finished scrolling X or whatever. Which is fair enough…. I just don’t get this concept as if I see a text message I automatically reply straight away. This is just one example, but I just don’t get people. I don’t want to come across like I’m attacking her when I’m genuinely just asking her questions to try and understand her better and potentially see these grey areas IE: she was obviously just engrossed in something and decided to reply later rather than she was outright ignoring me if this makes sense.
i struggle to see the grey areas in almost any situation, I just wish I could see them more so I can understand people and better my relationships, I just always feel stuck.
Can anyone relate ?
To me, a gray area is something that's ambiguous. For example, I used to teach at an international school in Saudi Arabia where the weather could be quite hot. The school rules said that students had to wait outside until the bell rang. The reality was that students would enter the school and sit in the air-conditioned hallways.
I never understood the point of having a rule that was not enforced, not that I necessarily wanted the students to swelter in the outdoor heat. Sadly, since I have a literal mindset, rules are rules and things either are or they are not.
I am not clear on what you regard as a gray area. Your relationship with your partner sounds as though this is more of a social interaction issue than anything else.
In terms of social awkwardness, you have my sympathies. Although I was a teacher for 32 years, I never developed an ability to read people or to understand their motivations. Part of the reason I ended my career was because my building admin wanted teachers to talk to students about their feelings.
I am not good with understanding feelings because I find them to be messy and confusing. If I can't understand my own feelings, why would my school adminstration expect me to understand how my students felt?