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Struggling to see ‘grey’ areas

Sausagepot

So, I’ve recently been diagnosed and finally feel that I’m unable to mask (36 year old female that has always struggled with socialised and relationships in general).

Simple things like my partner not replying to me when she’s not with me, she is on her phone a lot when we are together, and I don’t for one minute think she is doing anything she shouldn’t be doing. She says she doesn’t reply straight away when we’re not together if she is doing something on her phone and just thinks “I’ll reply when I’ve finished scrolling X or whatever. Which is fair enough…. I just don’t get this concept as if I see a text message I automatically reply straight away. This is just one example, but I just don’t get people. I don’t want to come across like I’m attacking her when I’m genuinely just asking her questions to try and understand her better and potentially see these grey areas IE: she was obviously just engrossed in something and decided to reply later rather than she was outright ignoring me if this makes sense.

i struggle to see the grey areas in almost any situation, I just wish I could see them more so I can understand people and better my relationships, I just always feel stuck.

Can anyone relate ? 

  • in reply to Autisician

    I don't see it as being on the fence as such, more a feeling that I either don't need to make a descision about something, or I don't like any of the options, like at the last general election so I decide a plague on all thier houses and refuse to play the games.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    When things are really subjective, I often find I'm so torn between options that I can see could equally be right , that I end up "on the fence"

  • in reply to Autisician

    I don't so much see right or wrong answers, because very often there isn't a right or wrong answer, it's all subjective, so I pick what's right for me and what feels right to me.

  • To me, a gray area is something that's ambiguous. For example, I used to teach at an international school in Saudi Arabia where the weather could be quite hot. The school rules said that students had to wait outside until the bell rang. The reality was that students would enter the school and sit in the air-conditioned hallways.

    I never understood the point of having a rule that was not enforced, not that I necessarily wanted the students to swelter in the outdoor heat. Sadly, since I have a literal mindset, rules are rules and things either are or they are not. 

    I am not clear on what you regard as a gray area. Your relationship with your partner sounds as though this is more of a social interaction issue than anything else. 

    In terms of social awkwardness, you have my sympathies. Although I was a teacher for 32 years, I never developed an ability to read people or to understand their motivations. Part of the reason I ended my career was because my building admin wanted teachers to talk to students about their feelings.

    I am not good with understanding feelings because I find them to be messy and confusing. If I can't understand my own feelings, why would my school adminstration expect me to understand how my students felt? 

  • I’m not sure I understand this being a grey area, it seems more like a ‘struggling to see things from another’s perspective’ issue? (Although maybe I just don’t see the grey haha). Is there something else in your life, e.g. emails, that you don’t respond to straight away? If you can see the similarities between the two situations you may be able to understand her perspective better.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I'm similar with that, I tend to see various "options" or "answers" and struggle to say which I think is right, or best. This also applies to taking sides in arguments, voting, anywhere where I feel it's hard (almost impossible) to have some arbitrary opinion on a possible answer to a question that really has no absolute answer.

  • I tend to see only grey areas and not either end of a spectrum, this gets me acused of indesciveness, which I'm not, I just get asked for black and white opinions on things that I don't really have an opinion about and don't see as my business. But that dosen't mean that there aren't areas where I do have very definate views and opinions, they just don't tend to be the same as those of others, are rarely knee jerk reactions and I can and will explain and defend why I think as I do.