Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
this isn’t really an issue more of a please help me make sense of this, Sometimes my brain works against me and thinks the worst or can’t think of any reason.
When my son is with me for example we are in the car or going anywhere like shops, a walk, swimming, or his club he wears ear defenders. If our neighbours are in the garden he asks for his ear defenders. At school as soon as he gets into class he takes them off and he doesn’t wear them.
At home we use visuals and a daily planner he will ask what’s next etc and we go through his planner but In school they say oh he doesn’t really bother with visuals.
If we go to the supermarket he is in his disability buggy but school have taken him to the shops and he’s walked around the store apparently with no issues.
Injusg don’t get it. I’ve said in the past can you please put his ear defenders on him and they say he doesn’t want them. Now I’m thinking do these people think I’m forcing him to use these things.
Lau said:Now I’m thinking do these people think I’m forcing him to use these things.
I would be surprised if people were thinking that way about you.
My thoughts were more around:
- in school - your Son my be masking, camouflaging and compensating to fit in with what seems to be what other children do as a group.
- whereas, outside of School - he and your household have familiar routines which accommodate his Autism and amongst which he is more comfortable to drop the masking.
- possibly, as some of the out of school Autism-friendly routines may have been in place for some years now - he is maybe of an age were you might be able to give him the choice of does he still like / need a particular strategy? I don't mean "need" in terns of life won't work well without it - more, does it still aid your Son to feel relaxed, confident, bold, conquering, helps his concentration etc. when he has the additional validation and assurance of those out of school strategies available.
Maybe; in fairly controlled, happy, relaxed and settled time and location is the opportunity to experiment with less use of some things if your Son seems OK about the idea of trying such a change - to see if as an older version of himself he still derives the same benefits.
I don't mean the emphasis is on dropping things as a goal. Rather, the quest is to double-check the strategies still serve your Son well - versus, would something else work more appropriately for him now.
For instance, going to the Supermarket:
- would he be able to feel included (like he seemed to on the school trip) if he were able to have an achievable responsibility as part of participation in "grocery shopping"?
- Please hold our shopping list (let's see what item we need next), please hold the shopping bags which we will need at the checkout, please put this tin / can into the shopping trolley / cart, please say "thank you" to the cashier when we are ready to leave the supermarket, please help me to put our shopping in the car or into the kitchen when we arrive home from the Supermarket (or similar things - adjusted for age / capability / likely interests of your Son).