Published on 12, July, 2020
My daughter, 18, is suffering with really bad anxiety. Chloe has a job cleaning a house, 3 hours a week. She also has a babysitting/child sitting job which she goes to once every few weeks. I'm am off work this week so she is going to clean one of my customers houses. To help with her anxiety, I am making her a jobs list of what she needs to clean.
Her anxieties are also based around money. She really struggles to save so always ends up having no money left at the end of the month. She mainly spends money on petrol because of how many miles she drives a week. She can drive over 100 miles a day sometimes. She says she loves driving because her brain is stimulated at all times and she can listen to music. If anyone knows what activities she/we can do which can substitute the driving, please let me know!
Her anxieties are causing daily frequent tears and high emotions, however I can see she is bottling it in. She is hard to get her to see family friends, but they are very understanding in her needs which makes it easier for everyone.
I am trying to keep routines the same, for example she is obsessed with Criminal Minds and is watching the series, making PowerPoints about the profilers/agents and the criminals, which is impressive. I am using visual timetables and schedules with her again. I am also offering tablets to stop her menstruation this month because this will make it all worse. I am also giving her tablets to help her sleep again.
If anyone knows of any other ideas or opinions, please share them, whatever they may be. She is really struggling.
That’s sounds very difficult for both of you - I’m sorry. Anxiety has been a problem for me in various ways for most of my life - I think it’s a common issue for autistic people. It’s worth bearing in mind that mental health issues have both an individual and collective element. So - for example - your daughter finds driving and listening to music makes her feel better (which is an individual matter) - but the high cost of petrol is a collective issue connected to the wider economy. Similarly your daughter is interested in the ‘science’ and data of true crime , but the prevalence of crime (true crime tv/internet and crime drama etc) is an issue of the wider culture. So you have to look at this broadly: what are your daughters individual needs and how can these be met without wider issues making her life harder. For example - you can’t reduce the cost of petrol - but is there another way your daughter can meet her need for music and movement that doesn’t cost so much money (ie hill walking, the gym, jogging with headphones and so on). Also her special interest in true crime might not be ideal for her mental health - could she move her interest towards something a bit less disturbing? Possibly psychology or biology for example? Personally I don’t think medication is helpful long term - as you don’t want her to become dependent (psychologically) on medication. There are so many ways to manage anxiety that she can try (meditation, exercise, developing a sense of purpose or a hobby or work of some kind that engages and satisfies her etc). There’s a lot to try that is more healthy long term than relying on medication. Getting enough sleep is important, less screen time late at night and so on. It’s important to work out what is really making your daughter anxious and address the root causes if you can. I think we have to look at our anxiety from every angle - it’s often complex and sometimes has its roots quite far back in our history (for example our experiences in school. I wish you both luck - it’s very difficult and from my own experience I’ve found that it’s something you have to learn to manage but it’s not an easy one to tackle at any age. At least she has a mother who really cares and wants to help - that’s a real blessing :)