Published on 12, July, 2020
My DD has many differences when it comes to food one of which is loving jelly & ice cream, but only if they're in 2 different bowls (no problem!)
Last Sunday we went for a family meal (me, DD, my parents, my sister, her daughter & her fiance) when it got to desert my DD wanted jelly & ice cream in separate bowls (as always) my dad & I went to order & when I ordered DD desert the woman serving gave a funny look (now I'm used to ignoring these kinds of looks e.g. we went somewher once & I had to return the apple as it had a slight mark on it so needed a different one) and I ignore them because, at the end of the day I accept my DD for who & how she is.
Now on Sunday, when the woman gave her funny look, my dad said "she's one of those children" it really upset me a) that had my DD followed & heard that how would she have felt and b) that he felt the need to pass any comment on it at all.
I've just raised it with my dad (there was a long discussion about talking about things which were problems otherwise problems can't be resolved) and said it had upset me & explained the 2 points as I've put above. He has said he will not stop doing it because it's "who he is" which instantly made me mad that he had ignored me so I said fine we just won't go anywhere with you ever again (I'm rather tired at the minute!) so he hung up & blah blah. So I messaged my mum who said well he won't have been malicious, I never for a minute thought he was BUT in my mind, nobody has a right to give my DD funny looks because of her eating habits & if they're that low that they feel the need to, there certainly shouldn't be any 'explanation' given (and the explanation in itself I thought was quite rude)
Am I being over sensitive? In my mind, personal business is exactly that...it's personal not something to be explained to evey Tom, *** & Harry who gives you a funny look :(
It's true the woman serving was rude, I think I wil have a good sit down & chat with my parents about maybe more appropriate ways to say things rather than the way it was said, as I said I know it wasn't done out of nastiness I think it was just the tone/what was said that upset me thanks guys xx
The thing is the person giving you the service is the one at fault, and your father, while it may not have been the best way, was trying to make the best of a tricky situation - so I suspect he was trying to be loyal and needs to be forgiven for being clumsy.
Surely if someone wants jelly on a different plate from ice cream, someone serving in a restaurant can accept that without pulling faces. I could bring up the subject of how people eat chocolate eggs, or munchmallow biscuits.
After all, they get a lot worse than people asking for a less blemished apple, or separating jelly and ice cream. I've known people who send everything back and try to make restaurant staff really uncomfortable (not that this is a good idea as the kitchens will have their revenge.....)
I guess its a British thing to put up with bad service. Perhaps if something like that happens again and should get in first with the message that your daughter has a distinguished pallette, and likes to experience food sensations separately.
Nowt to apologise for there. We don't all have to eat our potatoes mixed with mince or apple mixed with custard - and why do we have to have cinnamon or powdered chocolate sprinked on cappucino -eugh
Hi - whether you were over-sensitive or not, it clearly hurt you and that's important. You weren't expecting the face-pulling (rude in itself) and the reaction from your dad. On top of that you tried to explain things to both parents and got no joy there, compounding your hurt feelings. Maybe putting your feelings down in a letter, emphasising how important their love and support is to you and your daughter might be a way fwd?
I'm the kinda person who waves to anyone who stares to embarass them because I can't stand it it's really rude, I don't think he meant autistic just to me he should have left it the comment just came across like he was embarassed to be stood with me whilst I ordered 2 bowls of pudding :(
"one of those children" I don't think he meant autistic, I think he may have been trying to diffuse the situation by joking that she was just a child who was being particular?
Regarding the funny look, I would have just said to the offender in a loud voice "Is there a problem, only you just pulled a face?!" Sometimes embarrassing someone out of their behaviour makes them think twice about doing it again.