Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
We have been waiting for an official ASD diagnosis for my 15 year old daughter for 16 months now. We have already had a informal diagnosis by a professional but they only work in schools. She is at an all time low has regular meltdowns. Low self esteem and self worth. It is so hard for her to go to school doesn’t attend regularly and next year age will be doing her GCSE’s. Despite her low attendance she is doing really well in her subjects and has a good attitude towards the academic aspect of school. Socially though she is struggling. Currently she spends lunch breaks alone as she doesn’t have any friends. She is spending a lot of time alone in the dark in her bedroom and although on the rare occasions we take her out, her mood improves, this is short lived. She also has several sensory challenges.
She says she feels sad and empty. Has no reason to live hates herself doesn’t want to be here anymore and goes to bed every night hoping she doesn’t wake up in the morning. Obviously this breaks our heart as we feel so helpless. For the last month she has currently been taking 25mg of Setraline. However, this seems to be making her a lot worse so we don’t think this is the right path for her. She says she has depression but I believe it is because she has ASD. We are desperate to help her and just want this diagnosis so that she can see there is a reason why she feels like this and it’s through no fault of her own. (She is in denial) I have been reading about Nootropics and the possible benefits for people with ASD/ADHD. There is a wealth of information out there and it’s hard to decide which direction to go in but I am definitely seeing that this could be worth considering.
is there anyone out there in a similar situation to us that has chosen this pathway?? If so any advice would be gratefully appreciated. She has an important year coming up and I want to help her though it in the best way possible. As a parent going through this you feel so alone and isolated and I just don’t know what to do for the best.
Thank you
Thank you Mark. I completely agree with you and have suggested this to my daughter many times unfortunately she is not interested in forming any relationships with anyone right now. Hopefully in time she will change her mind as I can see how this would be a comfort to her.
It sounds like she is depressed, but reactively depressed. A reaction to being friendless, even autistics need approbation from other people to feel good about ourselves, this is what she is lacking. All humans are social animals and need some input from others to gauge our own worth. I'm sure that you give her lots of approbation, but, as a parent you are obliged to do so, so in a way it does not count. The problem with us autistics is we are bad at communication, especially non-verbal communication, so we are not great at making friends. Because of our difficulties and repeated failures in making friendships we become reluctant and even scared of making advances to other people, or even putting ourselves in social situations where friends might be made. Autistics communicate, and this has been scientifically verified, much better with other autistics. The answer may be in trying to find an autistic youth group or society for your daughter to interact with, of course motivating her to get out and do this may be a challenge. However, autistics need to show more than a little courage to get anywhere in the hostile neurotypical world.
I want to address these matters: Purpose and Navigation.
NAS88650 said:Low self esteem and self worth.
A response is a symptom of a Problem or Summary or Equation. I would look at this a different way. First what is the conflict? As humans, if we didn't feel we were worth-while, we wouldn't have a negative response to the world communicating this to us is so many ways. And for children entering adulthood who are becoming more aware, it is an onslaught. Carnage. Adverts, media, social collectives in a competitive market, fuelled by an economic system that is continually judging your worth as a human against what you contribute, how useful you are, your ability to attract and dominate, no one stands a chance.
I would rather suggest young females aren't struggling with personal self esteem, but with being robbed and pillaged in a psychologically demanding way, daily. They HAVE self-worth. If they didn't, it wouldn't be a fight - you cannot try to take what I don't have. There wouldn't be tears or anger or survival mechanisms.What they don't have is a war room, a general, the strategy, the weaponry (all analogies) to fight against it. They're slowly waking up in mad world which will eat them alive if they don't learn to survive. It's a death of innocence and worth mourning.
Autistics experience and perceive the world different and use language different. So I don't speak the language, and I'm not wired to ever really speak the language. How to fight a battle in a socially constrained environment where I'm continually lost in translation but also sensing the underlying system at play? I remember being that age and not having access to the words for things which I could somehow sense, or pick up on or even attune into, it created a great deal of frustration. To the point that connecting socially was not something I cared for as much as being able to identify these concepts I would need 20 years of self-directed study to isolate. The phantasy of money: I should've been reading Marx. The difference between Morals and Ethics: I should've been reading Nietzsche. However, thankfully, I did learn music, art and theatre, all which provided means of expression, which afforded some kind of agency toward relief. I may sound more articulate now but I still cannot access words to describe feelings, so I describe the circumstance around, impacting. It was not until about 35 that I had a better command of vocabulary, but I cannot catch social nuance and social linguistics in the moment, I depend on ethics and grounded principles, rules for engagement and so all social experiences include a conscious self-parenting :)
The Self Determination Theory is grounded on the idea that humans need to Relate, we need personal Agency and we need to feel Purposeful in order to thrive.
Last, it's important to weed through her words. Depression has a clinical meaning. As does anxiety vs stress. I would suggest she is Stressed beyond what most find an acceptable limit and needs help setting limits. Once I was able to self-stabilise and take control of my own surroundings and physical health, I also made sure my sensory environment was human-friendly. Most of my house is lit by halogens (see: lightaware.org) and it's a lie they take much energy. A few lamps in the evening barely move the metre. The electric hob, however, with its ratings just drains it. I try to wear natural fibres (no polyesters) so I'm not fighting the nagging sensations, let alone dealing with the fact that it's plastic and doesn't help the body 'breath" or regulate temperature like marino or cotton. I have ear plugs for leaving the house or listening to my laptop, which, once upgraded, spits out harsh frequencies. And do not stay too long under all the artificial light or I start shaking. I have air filter systems in the rental I live in as the landlord refuses to fix the sVOC's I can smell.
These are all real waves and chemicals, impacting our biology, we just can't see them with the naked eye. And they're one more thing we fight daily. Just changing my environment has made a huge impact on my sense of calm. The mushroom based nootropics have helped provide the clarity I've needed to be able to even diagnose all these things.
Hope this helps!
I am a BIG supporter of Nootropics. I take an immune boosting suppliment which I've taken on and off for nearly 20 years, and now in my 50s take regularly. There is a lot of medical science out there to dig into regarding Autistic and ADHD differences in biology which I've personally found supports the daily intake of about 17 healthy mushrooms in a tonic by Host Defence. They also make a blend more easily found in the UK: Stamets7 However, I have mine sent from friends in the US or buy in bulk when back to see family. I do email them about shipping to the UK.
My son is taking Feel Güd's blend and he seems to do well.
I am not a doctor. But if you search for the more recent medical findings regarding Autism and GABA since 2020, I'm reading there is a connection, in crude summary: that apparently we have lower GABA. Anti-depressants will further lower GABA, where Benzos will promote GABA. However, the second can only be obtained by a private and are VERY addictive, should never be taken with grapefruit and IMO, are still highly useful in a pinch on occasion, such as when the mind is excitedly looping a melody and won't allow the body to sleep.
So you're not wrong, and there is a chance that they are making her worse.
GABA is an inhibitor, responsible for shutting down out of control hyper Gamma waves even, which is why we have a capacity to easily get into a flow state. It's the gut-brain axis and the immune system is connected to the gut. Thus why supporting the immune system (depending on allergies) is incredibly helpful for the brain. I personally have an allergy to cruciferous veg, most grains and beans. But there's a remarkable amount of food items to better support our system.
GABA is responsible for pruning, in utero, without which one might have hyper-connexions and be hyper-sensory. As far as I'm aware, while we can work with what we have and create disciplines which better support healthy rewards in the brain, we cannot re-wire the whole "circuitry". So, basically, promoting GABA will help one feel entirely less 'Stressed' / Anxious, while further lowering GABA, can make one more biologically anxious and sleep deprived.
We also need step-by-step instructions on how to problem solve what we can control in this chaotic world. The mushrooms I take, help with the building blocks for GABA. As do other nootropics. But like anything: the poison is in the dose. Moderation is key. When I was younger, I didn't need the same amount I do now, just a half or 1/3 or 1/4 dose.
I want to address something else... but will in response to this.
I have been thinking about this all morning, trying to remember back to when I was your daughter's age. Probably what she needs more than anything is a friend. It will be hard work, but there must be a way to connect with autistics of her age.
Aw that sounds hard! I think the best advice would be to speak with her doctor. We are not allowed to give medical advice on here seen as it is against the rules. However I can tell you that I take medication and find it doesn’t do much either. I wouldn’t say it makes me worse or anything I would just say it doesn’t make me any better either maybe a little bit but that’s all. I think what causes my anxiety for me is my tummy issues. I try to remedy that and that then helps my anxiety massively. Because an upset stomach definitely creates my anxiety so treating the stomach then help everything else. So yeh that’s how I remedy my anxiety. It does work. Because I get real bad pain with the tummy issues. It’s annoying but it’s better I deal with it than take my bad mood because I am in pain out on others.