Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
We have been waiting for an official ASD diagnosis for my 15 year old daughter for 16 months now. We have already had a informal diagnosis by a professional but they only work in schools. She is at an all time low has regular meltdowns. Low self esteem and self worth. It is so hard for her to go to school doesn’t attend regularly and next year age will be doing her GCSE’s. Despite her low attendance she is doing really well in her subjects and has a good attitude towards the academic aspect of school. Socially though she is struggling. Currently she spends lunch breaks alone as she doesn’t have any friends. She is spending a lot of time alone in the dark in her bedroom and although on the rare occasions we take her out, her mood improves, this is short lived. She also has several sensory challenges.
She says she feels sad and empty. Has no reason to live hates herself doesn’t want to be here anymore and goes to bed every night hoping she doesn’t wake up in the morning. Obviously this breaks our heart as we feel so helpless. For the last month she has currently been taking 25mg of Setraline. However, this seems to be making her a lot worse so we don’t think this is the right path for her. She says she has depression but I believe it is because she has ASD. We are desperate to help her and just want this diagnosis so that she can see there is a reason why she feels like this and it’s through no fault of her own. (She is in denial) I have been reading about Nootropics and the possible benefits for people with ASD/ADHD. There is a wealth of information out there and it’s hard to decide which direction to go in but I am definitely seeing that this could be worth considering.
is there anyone out there in a similar situation to us that has chosen this pathway?? If so any advice would be gratefully appreciated. She has an important year coming up and I want to help her though it in the best way possible. As a parent going through this you feel so alone and isolated and I just don’t know what to do for the best.
Thank you
It sounds like she is depressed, but reactively depressed. A reaction to being friendless, even autistics need approbation from other people to feel good about ourselves, this is what she is lacking. All humans are social animals and need some input from others to gauge our own worth. I'm sure that you give her lots of approbation, but, as a parent you are obliged to do so, so in a way it does not count. The problem with us autistics is we are bad at communication, especially non-verbal communication, so we are not great at making friends. Because of our difficulties and repeated failures in making friendships we become reluctant and even scared of making advances to other people, or even putting ourselves in social situations where friends might be made. Autistics communicate, and this has been scientifically verified, much better with other autistics. The answer may be in trying to find an autistic youth group or society for your daughter to interact with, of course motivating her to get out and do this may be a challenge. However, autistics need to show more than a little courage to get anywhere in the hostile neurotypical world.