Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I am after some help/advice if possible. My daughter was diagnosed about 8 years ago and is really struggling at the moment. She has a job which she loves and currently has a boyfriend however this is on the rocks.
She was due to go on holiday with her boyfriend and his parents (boyfriend also has a diagnosis of ASD) however over the last few weeks she has had a number of meltdowns. We think this is because of the upcoming holiday and worry however her boyfriends parents are now saying that they are not comfortable with her going (this is understandable because of her behaviour) She has started messaging people on facebook, people she is friends with but never sees or usually speaks to and is inundating them with hundreds of messages.
We have been contacted by some of these as they are worried about her, when we speak to her she just goes into her shell and doesnt listen. We are not sure what to do, she is an adult and we want to give her space however the messages need to stop. it seems that things have got too much for her however she wont talk to us and everything we say she takes as an attack. We want to help her but we are not sure how. thanks
I just wanted to add : as parents we love our children so much and we so deeply want to help them to ‘solve their problems’ and heal their pain when they’re struggling. I think this sometimes can accidentally end up in our young adult children feeling pressured by our attempts to help - or even judged. I think the hardest thing sometimes as a parent is to realise that we need to step back - and just give our children the freedom and space to work their own way through their problems (and to make their own mistakes). That’s how they learn, and then they (eventually) feel more confident and independent. I think I would say to your daughter that you want to help if she’s struggling but you will be guided by her - if she doesn’t want to talk - accept that (and TRULY accept and respect that). If she wants space - give her space. Let her know that you’re there for her - but that you’ll respect her wishes if - at this point - she doesn’t WANT your help. In my experience when you do this family members are much more likely to feel they can open up to you when they feel the time is right. She’s obviously feeling pressured, and sometimes a parent’s attempt to help (no matter how well meaning) can just feel like more pressure.