Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
My beautiful late teens boy is struggling with life. His friends are all online now and I'm worried about his future. I support whatever makes him happy even if I don't understand or feel uncomfortable. His open mindedness and sense of self has been nurtured and encouraged but I worry he doesn't have the tools to protect himself against those who could take advantage. He hasn't shown a feminine side whilst growing up but now says he identifies as female. If he truly does then I support this but I worry about the medical ramifications of this and the damage it could do to his body. I'm worried this has been influenced online. I'm not sure what I'm looking for from this post but I feel utterly inadequate to advise or support him on my own.
Trans man here (that means I'm going from female to male).
Try to get your child into contact with the trans community. Real people, not influencers. Look for local LGBTQ groups and encourage them to go along. Being around trans and queer people was what helped me figure out who I am and what I want (and importantly what I don't want) from medical transition. People have been so helpful in talking openly about the effects of hormones and surgery, both positive and negative.
If there's nothing available locally, then look into organisations such as Not A Phase and Gendered Intelligence who run some online support groups.
Definitely get them onto the waiting list for an NHS clinic. They'll wait at least 5 years to be seen, so there's no chance of being rushed into anything, but you need their name on the list now in case they want to transition in future.
If your teenager begins taking hormones, sure they can see exterior changes, but internally it can cause atrophy (or "shrinking") of reproductive organs, which would cause pain, and who knows what else it is doing internally. They might need to have a future surgery to get it removed, some kind of "-ectomy" (removal of... ) type of surgery.
Bottom surgery can also damage nerve endings, and cause chronic pain and numbness. They invert the p*nis into a neo-v*gina, but that's only if they have went through their natural male puberty. But some started transitioning when they were younger (as a child before teenaged puberty set in) and they don't develop that length to create the depth. So a method that surgeons use, is to cut a piece of their colon, and use that as the neo-v*gina instead. But complications arise. There's issues of ingrown hair, pain, the body closing the neo-v*gina (because it sees it as a wound), creating an air pocket that can "unalive" the person, problems with the colon, infections, weird smells, and that it'll take a year of using the "medical instruments" of different lengths to keep the neo-v*gina opened before it hopefully heals.
They'll also lose a lot of about what it is to be a fully functional adult. They'll have issues with relationships and intimacy, and they don't have the ability to have children anymore, unless they've paid thousands of dollars to cryogentically freeze their genes, but most teenagers don't have that kind of money, so they don't.
I imagine that if I was a teenager with bad mental health, seeing the joyful, supportive, happy, and child-like videos of the trans community might make me better. But overall, if I suffered side effects from hormones, and/or life-long complications from surgery, I think my mental health would get worse, not improve. But it's hard to bring up the potential lifelong ramifications and risks associated with transitioning, because it can be interpreted as transphobia. But no one else except for them will feel the full impact of whatever risks or problems or ramifications arise from what they have chosen to do to themselves. So the main question would probably be, is it worth the risk?