Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I am working with a 4 year old autistic boy who's high interest is books; books of any kind. Reading books, small counting, shape and letter books or picture books. This high interest has increased in intensity over the past weeks and I am struggling to get any engagement or interaction with him without a book in hand.; meaning that most interaction can be meaningless.
Mealtimes can be particularly difficult as he is reliant on being provided a loaded spoon to feed himself and isn't happy without a bigger book, which gets in the way and becomes problematic when feeding. I have tried to put boundaries in place and allow other books at the table which are smaller, and a number of them, but if it is not the book he wants he can refuse to eat for me because I have said no and reinforced the boundary. He will often stamp his feet or smack his hands on the wall or head bang if he isn't given the book he is asking for. He will eat for other individuals, but feels like he refuses to eat for me because I'm the boundary setter and he doesn't like this. I think part of his frustration is that he understands that I have said no, but doesn't understand why.
I want to be able to use these in a positive way to promote communication and language; child is basically non-verbal or verbally limited, turn taking and sharing but am unsure on what strategies can be used. Can anyone help with any ideas on what I can do to positively use these books, but also ways to successfully come away from these so i can engage with the child effectively?
It sounds to me like he's not interested in interacting? Or engagement with his book is meaningful for him. Let's assume he's 40 for the sake of argument. If you were in a cafe and wanted to interact with him while he was intensely in the middle of reading, would you interrupt?
There's a few problems here. The term "Aut" was coined by Grunya Sukhareva as she noticed Autistic kids preferred their own company. We can have a wild and rich imagination, often sensing everything external as having it's own life and humans will have a bundle more energy and life-ness than, say, a tree, which might be a little more predictable, and not move as I work on understanding it.
Second, non-verbal at this age might mean one day he's suddenly using mouth words, but it didn't occur to him they had a value. But if he's reading and seemingly hyperlexic, at least there is a way to communicate.
There's the issue of maturing slower due to less of an ability to use Non-Autistic social linguistics and not creating defence mechanisms like our Non-Autistic peers. Instead, accessing vocabulary and language for utility.
There's the difference of how we're impacted. The Bayesian Theory and other new findings in neurology show Autistics and ADHD'rs have less of a biological ability to filter out incoming signals: internal and external. So everything is more intense, including being impacted by novelty. And a hyper-focus flow state, interrupted, can be like waking a sleepwalker. See: Autistic Inertia and Monotropism.
However, there is a need to focus on eating for a matter of safety. Kids will not understand this. So as a mum in a neurodivergent house, with divergent parents and grandparents, here's what I'd suggest. He's 4, maturing slower and just a sponge feeding his young mind. This is amazing. Allow this. When he's hungry ask him to put down his book where he feels its safe (don't take it from him) for a carrot or a bite of a sandwich or whatever he's eating. Once he's swallowed, he can retrieve his book, but never both. For now, until he understands this, allow him to eat standing up, in small bites. As he becomes more familiar with this, ask if he'd like to sit, but wait for him to assert himself. Never go to him, allow him to ask you. My grandmother would say, children will eat when they're hungry. Never force a meal. But also would remind us to eat slowly and carefully. Focusing on one task at a time.
We can only teach one thing at a time and allow children to show us when they're ready to participate. I don't know what schedule he's on, but I wouldn't force children to engage before they're ready. Perhaps, like a college student, appropriating time to 'play' with others and eat will be when he affords others social engagement. And of course one needs to learn a bit of ethical principles and consideration. I can understand he'll have to adhere to a schools structure but I do feel sorry for what's ahead. It seems like with the right school - one that doesn't constantly interrupt from one subject to the next, he might really succeed.
i think thats a good thing... be sure to remind him that books are written by humans and humans are just wrong most times and it should all be taken with a grain of salt and all the books he read maybe just wrong opinions. if hes reading for learning purposes.... never take book as gospel... unless your religious then you have to lol
NAS94011 said:I think part of his frustration is that he understands that I have said no, but doesn't understand why.
Have you explained why? Even simply that, during meal times, the focus is on eating food and nourishing the body, so that he has the energy and brain functioning to read a book afterwards? If he eats his food like you do, then he will get to choose what book comes next. If he doesn't eat food, his body will stop working properly and he won't be able to read a book. (I have no children, or knowledge of autism in children, am just thinking logically...)
I'm no autism expert, I'm just autistic..... But that sounds like maybe a mix of an obsessive/special interest (SPIN) and PDA?
Looking into PDA might help, in terms of how to give the autonomy back without losing the control. I'm older so "manage" myself in that respect, often holding back the urge to say no and find a way to regain autonomy in my own mind so I can proceed, but can't imagine it being easy to get a child with the same to do what they're told.
What I perceive as demand often triggers my fight or flight response, Ive always had to feel like I was really bought into something or it had been at least in some part my idea to get fully onboard with doing it. Retreating to a SPIN can be my way of "going to a place where I have control"
Hope this is in some ways helpful even if only to rule something out!