Sleep or lack of

Some tips for sleeping are:

Make sure that the last meal of the day is eaten 2-4 hours before bedtime

No screen use for at least an hour before bed

A warm bath and / or a milky drink during the hour before bed can help

A quiet, cool bedroom with no lights on - other than a dim night light if required - is essential

If sleep is still elusive, reading a book can cause sleepiness

So for a child who won't sleep or constantly wakes: Refuse to engage in conversation when they should be sleeping. Make sure they use the toilet before bed. Do not allow any screens in the bedroom 2 hours before bedtime, and leave books (picture books for non readers) for them to read/look at if they can't sleep. Put a night light in the room to prevent fear of darkness, and allow the child to be checked in the night if necessary without turning on bright lighting.  If the child does wake during the night and wants attention, give water if thirsty, take or direct them to the toilet if they need it, then return them to their bed and leave them so that there is no reward for being awake at night time. If waking or problems getting to sleep are persistent, it might help to find out if the child is having any problems at school or with friends causing them to worry, so these can be addressed.

I find sleep an issue at times, being tired helps, I know it sounds daft but exercise will help in terms of burning off that energy.

I know it's adding yet another thing to your list but consider PDA, since diagnosis (autism) I understand it's one reason I struggle as I often resist going to sleep, finding things to do to keep myself awake (TV, scrolling on phone etc ) if someone tells me I need to sleep I'm less likely to. I need to feel like it was my idea and even then I can see myself as being wrong and rebel against it sometimes.

Noise and other sensitivity issues also play a part at waking me then I struggle to go back to sleep, at which point I really want to but can't and the anxiety of knowing I don't have long before I have to get up keeps me awake longer!

I hope you find answers, I'm sure eventually you will, good luck :) 

Melatonin in the body is responsible for our sleep. In the evening when it starts to get dull, we begin to produce melatonin. When it is dark, we produce lots of melatonin to make us go to sleep and stay asleep. It cannot decipher between natural light and artificial light, however - hence why professionals now say no technology at least an hour, but preferably 2 hours before bedtime. 

Cortisol is the stress hormone (along with having other roles). It works opposite to melatonin. We produce more of this during the day, especially in the morning, which helps to wake us. Interestingly, Neurodivergent people typically have higher levels of cortisol and therefore lower levels of melatonin. That is why so many ND people find it difficult to sleep, stay asleep or they awake very early - or a mix of these, or all three! 

Reducing cortisol through regular exercise can help tremendously. It works to reduce your cortisol levels after time - that's why you shouldn't exercise just before bed, because it actually raises your cortisol levels temporarily. However, by reducing cortisol with exercise, let's say an hour after teatime but at least an hour before bedtime, this can help significantly with sleep. It also releases 'feel-good' hormones, which have huge benefits.
Exercise can be anything - a fun game in the garden, walking the dog, going for a bike ride, dancing to music, following an exercise routine on a device with the blue light turned off, running, power walking, swimming - the list is endless.  

You could increase melatonin naturally in her diet. Camomile (such as camomile tea) and cherries have lots of melatonin in them, and saffron contains melatonin (along with other benefits). Regular exposure to the sun also helps increase melatonin.

I am aware that Magnesium aids sleep (along with other benefits for the brain). Although, any supplements you look into, do conduct your own research and consult a pharmacist or GP to ensure these are suitable for her age and development and that you use the correct dosage - again, consult a health professional FIRST.

If she doesn't have a varied diet, like so many ND children don't, due to their hyposensitivities and hypersensitivities, consider children's multivitamins to ensure she is getting the right vitamins and minerals for her growing body. There are so many available - a pharmacist can always help to advise which would be suitable for her.  

Have you tried...
Weighted blankets or teddies?
White noise?
Audiobooks?
Relaxation music, such as sounds of the ocean, thunderstorms or rainfall?
Guided sleep or meditation (audio)?
Good 'sleep hygiene' and routines *may* help, although they may not. I.e. no technology at least an hour before bed, the bedroom being only for sleeping in and the room being calm and clutter free, a clear routine (you could use a visual aid if this helps)...
Mindfulness activities before bed, as opposed to anything over-stimulating?

Darkness helps with sleep, but if she can't tolerate the dark, you could use a dim, soft lighting which is directed away from her bed and perhaps slowly move it further away?
Blackout curtains?

Pillow sprays with lavender?
Essential oils such as lavender and camomile - perhaps in the bath (if she can tolerate baths) a short while before bed?

A fan oscillating in the room for a constant noise? - One of my daughters sleeps all year round with a fan, as this is the only thing which she is able to get to sleep with.

Have you tried, as part of your evening routine, before bed and probably best to do it away from her bedroom, 'worry time' - so, a set time before bed that you both sit down and you can listen to any worries or questions she may have and want answering - anything you can't answer, you could write them down together and find out about them the next day. My son was terrible for always over-thinking and NEEDING to have answers to questions - so if I didn't know the answer or I couldn't find it out quickly enough, we would write it down and find out for him before he went to school the next day. 

Other things to avoid...
Anything with caffeine after lunchtime as it has a half life of somewhere around 5 hours (if my memory serves me right?!).
Refined sugars, especially after school hours.

Have you asked your GP or consultant for help with her sleep?
NANSA run a sleep service - depending upon where you are in the country, but there are others out there - you could ask your school nursing team or health visitor for older children, or services for children and young people in your local area for advice and support?

Also, try to make time for yourself - it's important that you get some time for yourself to recharge, so that you can keep supporting your children. Even if it's just 15 minutes a day, it can help you. If you have a good support network, can someone give you an afternoon or evening off? 

It is a minefield with sleep for our ND children, but I wish you all the best - it is just finding something that works for your daughter and your whole family. I understand sleep deprivation, as I am up and down through the night with the care needs of my children. It makes you feel like you are coming to the end of your tether. Be kind to yourself, though, and get as much support as you can with this - sleep deprivation is one of the worst things for us to suffer from.

Keep your chin up, Mama! You're doing an AMAZING job!!

Some things about autism haven't even been understood yet its all still in the process of finding out a lot..I will sy that what you're discussing here could even be down to.a.number of things ie a physical or mental condition it's hard to say. However my son is diagnosed autistic and he as far as I know has.no other mental.health condition with it but he told.me that his circadian rhythm is screwed as he'll sleep for three days sometimes and other times be wake for three days etc etc..I have a suspicion it's something to do with autism.but maybe there's no help on that yet.

Caelus said:

honestly, its so loud it sounds like a helicopter is trying to land on your roof, vibrating and jumping and slamming around.

 This comment made my day. Some people throw their shoes into the dryer, and the crazy thumping could be heard throughout the hallways, and it'll be thumping so much, that it starts moving the entire dryer out of place. That can't be good for the machine itself. I'm sure that thousands of thumps over the course of an hour will destroy the machine from the inside out. There's also a button on the washing machine that won't work no matter how hard you press it. The joys of doing laundry.

ah you had communal laundry rooms?
dont have anything that fancy in our flats so each flat gets their own washing machine, so with each flat having their own the people put them on whenever.... honestly, its so loud it sounds like a helicopter is trying to land on your roof, vibrating and jumping and slamming around.

although to be fair i only just got myself a new washing machine and mine is very quiet and doesnt vibrate at all... so it maybe badly fitted washing machines that are so loud or maybe old outdated ones. but someone in our flats has a really loud vibrating one that they put on at night and it sounds like were being invaded by the air force.

I never thought about how loud washing machines were. It's not that I use them very often, but I wondered why in apartment buildings, that the laundry room had availability hours, and at night the laundry room would be locked up to prevent people from doing laundry. I guess it's because it would be too loud and annoying, and people need their sleep. And if people really needed to do last minute laundry at night, they could always go to a laundromat, where it's opened 24/7. It's just that this never dawned on me until this moment, even though I have lived in an apartment for years. 

i dont think enabling it helps. so there should be no talking, any interaction should be a stern telling to go to bed.

you should remove all devices from her room if shes using them loudly at night. it simply shouldnt be allowed or tolerated at all. she needs to learn consideration of others and how the loudness from those devices are interfering with other peoples lives. we need to raise kids to be considerate about others and have a bit of common sense, otherwise they grow up like my neighbour who has his washing machine on at night in paper thin wall flats and doesnt consider to think how it effects everyone else around him in these paper thin walled flats.

once she has learned to think of others before she acts or does anything, then she could have her devices back, but if she still uses them inconsiderately you take them away again. its a lesson, and upbringing should be full of lessons like this.

likely with nothing to occupy herself at night she will go to sleep because there is no distraction.

but also you must think why she doesnt want to go to sleep and why she is forcing herself to stay awake.... perhaps she is having really bad dreams and is afraid of them.

Yeah, if your family has dessert after dinner, or they have sugary drinks  throughout the day, that could make it harder to sleep at night. 

Melatonin doesn't feel like the drug-induced drowsiness you get from taking night-time cough syrup when you're sick. Melatonin just feels like natural sleepiness, your eyes just get heavy and start to close, and then you're asleep. I mean, it makes sense, since melatonin is naturally produced by the body, and those are it's natural effects, except when you take the sleeping aid, you're just giving your body a little extra of it. I take 1mg, and it takes about an hour before I fall asleep, but some people take 3mg or 5mg, and it'll probably knock them out in 20 minutes. 

I hope everything works out well for your daughter. 

Thank you for your reply. My brother is naturally one of those people who has never needed sleep. Whereas I definitely think my daughter does as she is moody and grumpy when she doesn't sleep. 

I didn't think of the food and drink, my kids have a supper an hour before bed. But my daughters diet is restricted by allergies so she doesn't have anything out of the norm for her, but maybe I will try a different before bed supper and see if it helps.

I've always been anti melatonin but after all these years I feel like I've literally tried everything.

I feel like I've aged 40 years I'm the last 10 years. I want to enjoy my family, not be constantly falling asleep 

Thank you for the reply. Truthfully I've never considered ADHD/ADD for her as I have ADD and my struggles were so clear. Whereas hers are not like mine. My daughter is a lazy bones and won't do exercise unless it's something she's picked like going to the expensive trampoline parks. She has an alexa for noise sounds which helped in the beginning for a week or so. 

Thank you for your reply. 

Thank you

The resources on this website are always helpful

https://embrace-autism.com/?s=Sleep

This sounds so similar (could have written the exact post- and ironically also has a sibling with autism) to my close relative who was diagnosed with ADHD. They were struggling with school (internally, no one really knew how much until years later) and so bedtime became the only time that was ‘safe’. ‘Less school’ was the solution for my relative but that might not be what you were hoping for… with earlier intervention I hope that another solution could be reached.

I wondered if you might have also considered ADHD. My son has both. He finds exercise helps to exhaust him to make getting to sleep easier. He also has a fan going during the night which goes on when he is ready to sleep. He struggled to get to sleep a lot more before he used this and I guess it also covers up small noises that might disturb.

I notice you also mention questions that need looking into. The nights that I struggle to get to sleep or stay asleep I often find myself thinking about all sorts of things that need dealing with so sometimes I get up and make a list so I can forget until the morning. I wonder if she could write down questions so you can look up the answers during the day.

Sometimes food or drink can act as a stimulant, like sugar or caffeine. For me that also includes gluten and soy, for whatever reason. Cutting those things out has drastically improved my sleeping pattern. 

Also, blue light from screens can keep people awake. So during the evenings, I always turn on the blue light filters on my devices, and I have blue light filter glasses as well, they're 0.00 (I'm not a regular glasses wearer). I also turn on dark mode on anything I can, or I'll invert the screen, just so that I'm not looking at a bright white screen all the time. 

Maybe melatonin would help your daughter sleep. Melatonin is a sleeping aid, but it's also something that's produced naturally in the body. It's that "sleepy feeling" you get before you fall asleep.

But there are also some rare people who in the world, who only need an hour or two of sleep, and they're okay for the rest of the day. One of my managers were one of those types of people. He'll just learn things throughout the night, and he had a broad knowledge of cultures, people, and languages. He knew a lot of history as well. 

Hopefully you'll find something that works for your daughter.