Published on 12, July, 2020
Our son (autistic and dyspraxic - probably also ADHD (I'm autistic and ADHD and my wife is dyspraxic - poor kid!)) is having real difficulties with managing his emotions and his self-esteem. He's very bright: would probably go as far as to say gifted - in terms of maths, science and reading age - but otherwise seems very immature in terms of how he carries himself. He's got friends who genuinely like him (although there are kids at school who seem him as an easy target and see him as different and they "tease" him) and we have a comfortable home life: he has no siblings and myself and my wife are able to give him a lot of our time and attention. But for some reason, he doesn't like himself. He seems happy much of the time but then gets into moods where he hits himself, says he wishes he was dead; says he despises himself and it seems so familiar to when I was his age (although his circumstances are very different from my own when I was his age).
We've tried everything to get him to open up to us and tried to help him to feel more positive but he clams up and won't talk or listen. I talk to him about how I understand because of my own experiences as an autistic person (although I didn't know I was autistic when I was a child) but that doesn't work either. Does anyone have any suggestions?
At 9 years old is he emotionally old enough to be able to articulate his feelings? It's an awkward age, 9, as you can often feel that you've almost left childhood behind, but not yet become a teen or even pre-teen. Maybe at his age asking him to draw his feelings, or if you catch him playing are his toys acting out what happens to him and how he feels? Maybe him just knowing that you're there and ready to listen is enough right now.
He's not able to articulate his feelings: I think that is part of his autism (possibly alexithymia as suggested by another commenter).It escalated on Friday after I'd written this and we had a call from the school who were worried about him.