School and anxiety

Thank you for replying… My daughter is at secondary school. School are trying to be flexible, she leaves lessons early and has passes to leave during lessons so if things become too much but, she’s not good at doing anything that makes her different to her peers. She has discreet ear plugs and will use, just not at school. She won’t eat at school. I have asked about somewhere quieter but I think she’ll only do this if all her friends can eat with her too rather than just one or two of them. 

Hi Fizz,

My daughter was diagnosed on the spectrum through her high school years, and from a parents point of view it was heartbreaking. However the school itself were brilliant, it took a couple of years till we got the diagnosis but the school did all they could to help, from 5 minutes passes to leave class so they didn't get overwhelmed with everyone leaving classes at the same time, to eating in the head of years room with one or two of the small circle of friends they had. Fidget toys helped in class and headphones helped when not in class. As for exams in year 11, they allowed her to either be right at the back of the exam room (she didn't like anyone behind for in class) or even had a separate room to do the exam. So I would talk to the school, see if they can do anything to help.

I really hope this will help you to help her  Definitely choose your timing for when to talk to your daughter about this. If she's anxious and in a bad way then she won't be as willing to listen and try something new, I speak from my own experience of this sort of thing.

But I'm sure when it's the right time she will hopefully be willing to give this or other distraction techniques a try and it will help things get better for her. Small steps lead to big strides.

I really hope things will get better for her

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I’ll try the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique with her. It sounds like a good distraction. 

I have tried working on breathing slowly with her but not listening.

She’s not always receptive to help but I guess I need to try these things when she’s not so anxious so she can try them out when she feel things getting too much. 

I don’t want to cause her more anxiety. 

Thank you for your reply. Yes she dances outside of school but it sometimes so exhausted she doesn’t want to go.

She is very academic and has an excellent memory for facts but finds school overwhelming and doesn’t like all her teachers. Some are better at adapting things for her than others. 

I'm really sorry your daughter is struggling so much. I completely understand though, I'm not long out of school and remember the sheer horror and stress of it really well.

Have you heard of the anxiety technique 5-4-3-2-1?

I learned this during my mental health problems when my anxiety was at an all time high. It works like this.

-identify 5 things that you can see -identify 4 things you can feel (your back against the chair, etc.) -3 thing you can hear (a car driving by, the tv, your own breath) -2 thing you can smell (we couldn't really smell anything so they said think of 2 smells that we like) -1 thing that you like about yourself.

It has honestly helped me out so many times. It is worth a try when you're getting a bit anxious. I have generalised anxiety disorder and it helps me a lot!

Just concentrating on hearing your breath really helps me too. I don't even notice it normally, but when I consciously focus on hearing my breath it pulls me out of examining all of the thoughts in my mind.

If you check out the Calm website here: https://www.calm.com/blog/5-4-3-2-1-a-simple-exercise-to-calm-the-mind#:~:text=The%2054321%20(or%205%2C%204,1%20thing%20you%20can%20taste.

It explains this technique, probably a lot better than I did lol!

I really hope this helps you and your daughter and I hope she will be feeling better soon

Is there anything she is good at that she does outside of school.  Perhaps becoming better at that, and concentrating on that will give her some confidence ... or at least give her something else to think about?