Published on 12, July, 2020
We have had a massive struggle over the years with our Daughter and being violent to us up to the point the police were called after she struck her mum in the face. Since then (5 years ago) her verbal abuse has gone off the charts. She is no longer violent but has changed her abuse to verbal. She throws whatever is your most personal thing at you, my wife's best friend of 30 years died 3 months ago and this morning our daughter said her friend would be happier in heaven because she wouldn't have to listen to my wifes rubbish anymore. There are no boundaries to what she says and definitely no respect to either of us or her elder sister. We can't get through to her at all and she doesn't think she needs any help as it's all our faults. At our whitts end and looking for guidance and advice. Thanks Trev
Some people don't have boundaries, and hurt everyone who's cloest to them. They don't understand that no one else in the world would support them more than their family would, and yet they choose to hurt them, just because they see a problem with everyone else except for themselves. They might be neurologically wired differently, but that does not mean that your family has to be in such a state of chaos because of it.
You cannot get her to understand boundaries, but you can set up the boundaries around her and your family, so that everyone is protected. Maybe she can participate in an after school activity, club, volunteer work, or a part time job, as a way to limit her contact from the house, and she can learn a new skill or two.
And maybe give her some space, and allow her to approach family members if she needs anything. I don't know if approaching her might set her off or not, but if it does, then limit the amount of times you and your family have to do it, just to cut down on the possibilities of an argument occurring.
I really hope that she develops better people skills over time, but if she doesn't, then at least make sure to not take her angry hurtful words very personally, even though that's hard to do. Just don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she struck a cord with you, because she might do it again next time. But I do sincerely hope that she becomes a better person.
Sometimes it’s the family/parents that are the problem.
Well, certainly. However, I don't know their entire family situation, and so I cannot make assumptions about the family/parents. But if they have to live together, at least make the living situation more tolerable for everyone involved, even though living conditions are not perfect, at least it is not a warzone all the time.