Published on 12, July, 2020
Any advice will be very much appreciated.
My son, who is in his second year of university, has been struggling with his university life. The staff's lack of knowledge of autism has harmed his mental health, which has clearly deteriorated, yet it is also frustrating that I am unable to engage directly with the university.
Right now only he can help himself. The people exist within the University to help him, but if he refuses to engage with them, he should withdraw. I didn't and I ended up coming very close to a psych hold due to it. One of my housemates got a one month hold. Deteriorating mental health is no joke.
Frankly i wouldn't worry about Fitness to Study. He is probably already most the way there to them suspending his study from what you've said. He needs to be proactive now, autism doesn't mean dumb, it means different. By not engaging he is acting dumb. Tell him to get off his ass and go to student services and get the help he deserves. If not the University probably will bounce him. That's just how it is. It happened to me recently on an A Level standard program, for different reasons, but they will eventually just suspend study until you act like an adult and deal with stuff. If you can't, then they will terminate whatever contract you have with them and cite whatever reason.
Maybe if this happens you can hit them with the disabilities act and force them to be nice, but if you're son is incapable of dealing with university in the first place, is there any point? University isn't for everyone, some just can't function there.
FTR, I have been to University, been on many college courses and did all of that before my diagnosis. I struggled at university, but made it through, mostly intact. After it i still couldn't hold a job down, nor function in any normal (NT) way, but then I'm not NT so expectation doesn't match reality.
I think this is quite an unfair assessment- It can be very hard to engage with anyone and to solve problems when in a state of severe overwhelm and burnout. And one's abilities whilst in that state do not reflect what we are capable of in life. It sounds to me like there need to be changes put into place so that your son has a chance to thrive at uni.
Have you considered the option of him intermitting for a while? Most universities allow students to take a pause from their studies for medical reasons. It might not be the right thing for your son as his degree might be the constant thing in his life, but he might also think it's a good idea. Also rather than withdrawing, it is much better to intermit and take some time to recover with the option of then resuming the degree WITH adjustments in place upon his return to avoid the same thing happening again. There is no shame at all in needing a break.
It might be unfair, but reality is reality. Like any business, Universities will only put up with certain situations for a limited amount of time. Eventually they will suspend or terminate the contract and cite breach of terms, whether that is because a person is not turning up for lectures, not handing in coursework or some other reason. When you go to University you sign on a dotted line and that document is a legal document, even though many people don't bother to read it. If they have provided support via student services (all the Universities I know do), provided medical access (some universities have on site medical surgeries and some have off site facilities) and done everything to meet requirements, then the onus is on the student. If the student refuses to engage for whatever reason and all attempts to deal with the problem have failed, then they will suspend that student.
If the son refuses help in every way from the University and his parents, then I only see this ending one way or maybe two if you count the possibility of some sort of mental breakdown.
As the old adage states, "you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink".