Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi All
My daughter is 3.5 with speech delay and we are on the ASD pathway for diagnosis, primarily driven by her sensory issues with certain noises and delay.
She has been in full time nursery since she was 1 and whilst she has pretty much always cried at drop off, she has a great time there once she is settled, so its always felt more like shes upset to leave me rather than having to attend nursery.
Since Christmas she has started refusing to leave the house. I am talking apocalyptic levels of meltdown to the point she vomits. She has a solid routine, a visual timetable, positive time warnings. Its got so bad that my husband has had to start taking her in, because I physically cannot carry her while she fights. I have tried calming her down before trying again, but the same reaction happens each time.
She has always been a pretty affable easy going child who is not prone to meltdown, especially prolonged ones so this new behaviour has come as a bit of a shock. She has started having a similar reaction to anything she doesnt want to do e.g go upstairs for a bath, but she quite quickly gets over it (a few minutes absolute tops).
Her behaviour always seems to peak in winter which I understand is quite common due to all the additional sensory overloads e.g more noise indoors but I just dont know how to both help her and its do distressing for us both, and I am worried about the knock on effect at my job.
Is there something I am missing that could be helping her?
NAS91360 said:Her behaviour always seems to peak in winter
Her distress could be for a few different reasons. The Holiday break isn't as long as the summer break. It could be just as she begins to feel adjusted and settled in, it's over. All children need slower transitions, but Autistic children take even longer to get their bearings and feel they can trust a new adjustment won't change.
Another possibility is a matter with the gut-brain axis and the need for added supplements for the lack of sunlight and propolis. I take a nootropics daily with Lions Mane which is naturally helpful for Vitamin D and local honey.
As children grow, it's a bit like slowly waking up into ourselves and our internal desires. We become more aware of the impact of conflict and consequence, such as a desire for closeness with a parent, which can be in direct contrast to the demands of finances and work. And for Autistic children who are showing extreme sensitivity with the more well-understood 5 senses (there's something like 40+), when the impact is heartbreak, the distress they experience is far more intense.
Our sensory perception to external and internal stimulus has been described as a lack of Filtering and Signalling in the Salience Network. So sadness will be felt as extreme grief. Happiness. excessive joy. And calm contentedness almost this profound relaxed state.
Even with warnings and a schedule, we have a natural ability to be in the moment. A sense of timelessness - a moment is no different than an eon, associated with flow-state. The theory of Monotropism talks about this. As we grow up, we can learn ways to navigate around it. But if we can harness it and have others help with things which are incredibly difficult, at such as organisation in linear time, we can thrive. However, a Golden Rule for autistics is Never Interrupt. Obviously this cannot be completely avoided. But perhaps she needs even more time or reminders to prepare for changes.
Autistics mature in many ways much slower, but what's actually happening is we should have a whole different education, maturing in skills which often go unnoticed and having a different way of using language. There is much lost in translation along with everything we might not catch up with until later in life. As she's going from toddler to child, she may be delayed in ways most of her peers appear proficient. But find her potential(s) and help grow that.
Also, as someone who works in sound, I'd recommend getting a decible reader on your phone. In fact, I remember never wanting to do anything with sound as a grown up because it was often a source of pain. When in fact, my ability to hear in detail is what now makes me quite skilled at my job.
NAS91360 said:primarily driven by her sensory issues with certain noises
NAS91360 said:Her behaviour always seems to peak in winter which I understand is quite common due to all the additional sensory overloads e.g more noise indoors
It is stating the obvious but you need to check that the nursery are helping to prevent these sensory overloads. For example allowing her to wear ear defenders at all times and taking her out of the class to a quiet space if she is overwhelmed.
At her age I used to have frequent and severe meltdowns at nursery, which I now know to be due to sensory overload. The longer I was in that environment the worse the meltdowns would become.
She cannot get used to the noise as her brain simply does not work that way, to allow habituation to it in the way that non autistic brains would. If the nursery are unwilling to accommodate her needs I think you need to seriously consider moving her elsewhere.
I would wonder what's transpiring at the facility and/or in her world at large that may have precipitated it? Has anyone asked her or is there a way to ask? Is there a therapist who can be brought in who speaks her "language".
Hello NAS91360,
I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is refusing to leave the house.
Children on the spectrum can often display behaviour that may be challenging. There will generally be a reason for this and it is important to try and understand the trigger for the behaviour when developing strategies. You may like to have a look at the following link for more information on behaviour and strategies:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour
and
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns/all-audiences
All the best,
Karin Mod