My autistic son hates his sister

Having grown up with an autistic sister who would not touch anything of hers that I touched and repeatedly treated me as though she hates me, please be aware of the impact this will have on the non-autistic sibling. For example it left me with feelings of unworthiness, low self esteem as if there was something wrong with me. I was constantly blamed as everyone wanted to avoid a meltdown from my sister. But touching someone else's belongings is not a crime and was certainly not done on purpose as a poster here suggests- the non- autistic sibling should not be blamed. . This has led to a life time of people pleasing, ignoring my own needs in relationships, interpreting really negative behaviour as "love" because that's what I was told my sister felt for me whereas there is zero evidence of this even now we are in our 50s. 

She still will hate everything I profess to like as a matter of principle, acts revolted if I cook for her, never asks me a question about myself and I'm tired of it. I know logically she cannot help it...or can she? At what point is a label license to act in unacceptable ways? Back then my parents didnt have strategies, support or even a diagnosis to help them - I just had to be the "good girl" and not do anything that would be deemed annoying in any way to my sister and those "things" were just regular things. This has continued with how she treats my daughter ( but not my son interestingly enough... although she didnt even so much as text when he had cancer until forced to by my mother) My daughter said at age 6 "Why does my Auntie hate me?"

My mother forces us into family occasions which are not enjoyable for any of us. My sister is visibly stressed. I have self harmed prior to having to go through with them. Whilst I can sympathise with the challenges of being autistic, the impact is felt by everyone. Think about how the child who is told her voice is intolerable to her sibling- as someone suggests below -feels ? Where is she allowed to use her voice? How might it impact on how she speaks in the classroom or in social situations? Why are her needs to speak/be heard secondary? 

I have not even scratched the surface of making sense of my experiences but I do appreciate finding posts here that reflect my childhood experiences 

Having grown up with an autistic sister who would not touch anything of hers that I touched and repeatedly treated me as though she hates me, please be aware of the impact this will have on the non-autistic sibling. For example it left me with feelings of unworthiness, low self esteem as if there was something wrong with me. I was constantly blamed as everyone wanted to avoid a meltdown from my sister. But touching someone else's belongings is not a crime and was certainly not done on purpose as a poster here suggests- the non- autistic sibling should not be blamed. . This has led to a life time of people pleasing, ignoring my own needs in relationships, interpreting really negative behaviour as "love" because that's what I was told my sister felt for me whereas there is zero evidence of this even now we are in our 50s. 

She still will hate everything I profess to like as a matter of principle, acts revolted if I cook for her, never asks me a question about myself and I'm tired of it. I know logically she cannot help it...or can she? At what point is a label license to act in unacceptable ways? Back then my parents didnt have strategies, support or even a diagnosis to help them - I just had to be the "good girl" and not do anything that would be deemed annoying in any way to my sister and those "things" were just regular things. This has continued with how she treats my daughter ( but not my son interestingly enough... although she didnt even so much as text when he had cancer until forced to by my mother) My daughter said at age 6 "Why does my Auntie hate me?"

My mother forces us into family occasions which are not enjoyable for any of us. My sister is visibly stressed. I have self harmed prior to having to go through with them. Whilst I can sympathise with the challenges of being autistic, the impact is felt by everyone. Think about how the child who is told her voice is intolerable to her sibling- as someone suggests below -feels ? Where is she allowed to use her voice? How might it impact on how she speaks in the classroom or in social situations? Why are her needs to speak/be heard secondary? 

I have not even scratched the surface of making sense of my experiences but I do appreciate finding posts here that reflect my childhood experiences 

I’m so sorry you had to go through this. How could your parents have done better? I’m worried about the impact of my elder son’s ASD on his younger brother, who just adores him, but is constantly rejected by his big bro.