Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi All.
Our daughter left sixth form after about half a term in mental health crisis. She’s been out of education since last Christmas In June she was diagnosed autistic. She’s under CAMHS for therapy. She enrolled at college, attended induction (2hours) and now won’t return. She’s stayed off this week, saying she’ll start on Monday. Today she said she didn’t want to go at all. Anxiety is through the roof. This morning she self harmed (hadn’t done this since last Feb). We had a zoom therapy meeting where the therapist wanted me to stay (I never have before). She expressed her worries about daughters relationship with her boyfriend who suffers with anxiety and to us seems controlling. Therapist said this too based on more info than we’ve had from daughter. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve tried low demand for months and she stays in bed and gets ready to see boyfriend and sees him. She does work part time about 14 hours a week to get money for Ubers to see him or pay for him to see her. I’m scared for her. She is vulnerable and I’m frightened if I make it harder for her to see him she’ll just take off, or run away, if I facilitate it she’s going down a spiral of obsessive relationship and nothing else. I don’t know if her actions and thoughts are because she’s autistic or just teenage. I don’t know if I should push her to go to college (therapist says she should push through her anxiety to give it a chance) or if I’m just escalating her mental earth problems by doing that. At hone she has no responsibilities (basically she won’t do anything). Is this acceptable if she’s autistic? I’ve gone with this so far to keep a calm environment for her MH needs, but am I just facilitating behaviour that’s not acceptable, or is it acceptable. If I’ve used the wrong language in this post I’m sorry. Everything is new and I’m desperate to know how to support my daughter so she can see a happy future for herself. I’ve read lots of books btw, but many seem more for younger kids. No information on negotiating with an adolescent. thanks for any help or support anyone can give
Hi, I’m afraid I can’t offer any advice as such, I have 2 daughters 16 and 20, both in this last year diagnosed with autism. my 20 year old has tried to start Uni for 2 years in a row and has had to return after a day of being away from home. Her anxiety and distress with being away from home was just too much. So she has decided it’s not for her, I didn’t feel able to insist she gave it a go. With my daughter’s I feel they have to make their own decisions re relationships, I know you say the therapist feels your daughter’s boyfriend is controlling, he may well be, but I don’t see how you could lay down the law and prevent her from seeing him. Perhaps try and chat with her about him and being inquisitive about how she feels he treats her? Let her know that you are always there to support her. If it’s an unhealthy relationship it’ll probably run its course. With regard to pushing your daughter to go to college, do you think if you did she would enjoy it? I know some things I have been able to push my daughters with and other times it’s just too distressing. I do think autism or not , it’s not an excuse for certain behaviour. I guess some of what you see with your daughter is normal teen stuff but with autism it does make things tough, it’s another thing they have to get their head around. x