Published on 12, July, 2020
My nine year old son is really struggling with anxiety about school and has effectively become a school 'refuser.'
He has always found school overwhelming both academically and socially but last year his difficulties became far more amplified.
He had daily meltdowns when returning home, in which toys and household items would get broken, and became more upset in the mornings to the point that he needed to take a number of mental health days towards the end of the year.
We hoped that the summer holidays would give him time to decompress but he complained of stomach pains and nausea throughout, as well as refusing to eat solid food for a couple of weeks.
Repeated medical exams have established that these are caused by anxiety and not a physical illness (thankfully), and He is now eating a very limited number of soft foods again albeit reluctantly.
Since the start of the new term he has refused to go in several times, and school agreed to a staggered time table to help ease him in as a result.
Doing half days didn't ease his anxiety at all and even doing one hour a day is making him worry all evening the night before as well as first thing each morning.
We applied to get him into a resource base in time for the start of year 5 but our local council refused to move him, claiming his needs can be met in mainstream school and We are going to tribunal but not until february. we have also referred him to the council's mental health team but again face a wait for confirmation of whether he meets the threshold for help let alone whether they can actually help.
He cannot continue to suffer until then. This needs resolving rapidly.
We want him to learn, he is very bright although he is working well below the expected levels for his age as he has sensory and processing difficulties and dyspraxia - but we want him to be happier most of all.
We have looked into homeschooling and think it would probably make him a lot happier and healthier. It feels like a risk though as once he leaves formal schooling it will be even harder to get him back into formal education, even if a place at an appropriate school becomes available.
I'm also concerned that he may not get any qualifications as I doubt he will be able to cope with the demands of exams, which may harm his employment chances - although this may be the case whether he remains at school or not.
What are your thoughts? Have you been home schooled or home schooled your own child. What are the pros and cons? I have thought a lot about this but I bet there are many things I have failed to consider. This is a big decision and We want to get it right.
This is bringing back some memories for me. There were times when younger I could finally stop, have a holiday and would become violently ill. It was recurring as if my body was holding out till the right moment. This didn't seem to happen at my grandparents though, and I also remember my grandmother (father's side) was far more in tune with my digestive issues (as her side of the family had them, her father dying late 60s from 'stomach problems') but she was always concerned for our hydration: salt and a good amount of natural sources of sugars, which the brain and blood need. I didn't know I had low blood sugar, severe allergies and all kinds of unknown issues. Stress certainly doesn't help, but my mother was always off on a fad diet and made sure ours was low sodium/low sugar. I would visit my grandparents in the summer completely malnourished every year.
Fast forward, I'm nearly 50 and have been through a few near death experiences with food. I'm now boosting GABA with a nootropics blend with Lion's Mane (one of the first things to really help), take supplants and probiotics and chlorella as I cannot digest the mustard family/brassicas (which include rapeseed and spinach).
It seems there's a majority of Autistics with the co-issue of this gut-brian axis, GABA and its role in anxiety and digestion. Boosting it has helped on a daily basis, but it doesn't change difficulty with executive function and it doesn't change intolerances/allergies (which include all legumes and most grains). There is a good deal of research on biological issues now, thankfully. And growing.
On days my biology feels much more able, in less pain, more stabilised, I feel I can better manage leaving the house. However, even on days I can't, I find a great deal of comfort studying things I enjoy and setting my own path to exploring knowledge. There's no substitute for this. Over the years, I've oddly had others say to me I probably would've been held back or stifled in an institution and I think it's that the way they expect children to learn isn't how some understand best.
My son didn't do well in school, no one noticed he was dyslexic, he had potential in certain subjects and then ended up with teachers who were unhelpful or bullied and couldn't focus on learning. He's not mid 20s's and starting a course toward therapy. We live much longer, there's always time to learn!
there was a promising article in The Times Tuesday: https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/latymer-upper-school-ditches-gcses-for-its-own-qualification-zwdqn3z08
Good luck with this!
Thanks a lot. My son has been referred to a dietician over the summer, which we have yet to hear from, and has had stomach issues in the past. I think stress is a major factor in his current problems but diet could definitely play a part too. Thanks for replying. It's another interesting perspective that may help get to the bottom of the problem. Will look into this area.
I hate to say it, but I've had to discover most of this on my own. It took my father 10 years to work out gluten was causing him issues and didn't tell me because he didn't want to 'influence' me. So I suffered a great deal from when young, living off of carrots and almonds mostly in my 20s. I was also poor.
I have been trying to find studies and make myself available for anyone testing and it's crickets. But I recently found papers from around 2020 supporting the issue of low GABA in autistics and ADHD. So once I started boosting that, it helped.
And luckily, I've just found others with similar issues and undergone a bit of trial and error. Following the low FODMAP as a rough guide has helped a great deal. Also, I can have eggs (which is the only allergy my son has), so I make flourless cakes or amaretti for myself. But even sugarcane is a cereal grain! So I buy beet sugar, maple syrup, date syrup for cooking. Paying attention to botanists has been a great deal of help. Once I discovered the connexion to my issues with broccoli, Brussels, spinach, and so on were they were all Mustards/ brassicas, it just made everything easier. I joke I'm allergic to veg, but it's really not funny how they affect me.
I've seen dieticians and clinicians, there are so many things they don't really test for... it's chaos, to be fair. So my advice would be to take notes and do some of your own research if you can. x