Help! Home schooling advice needed

I don’t agree that the stress being present over the holidays means it is not connected to school. 

my son takes a very long time to decompress, and also had a lousy summer feeling worked up about school and what had been and what was ahead.

he needed a holiday from the holiday to recover from the stress of anxiety over school.  

Sorry it has taken a while to reply but thanks for your suggestions. That's very helpful and gives us plenty to consider. The science and museum ideas in particular would be right up his street and as a former scout myself I agree that is an organisation that might be ideal if and when he's ready and willing to try it. Thanks a lot.

I suggest that if you home-school, you start to build up a "portfolio" with your child, even in primary school. There are a lot of activities you can do together that have some sort of recognition. In science the Royal Institution has free activities you can do then get a certificate for your child as a "kitchen chemist" or whatever. There are also activity days for kids. The Ri has them, and so do many museums and professional organisations. These provide a chance to explore special interests and also meet other young people.

Depending on your child, you might want to explore youth groups. Some start as young as four or five, and by age eight or so there is a wide variety.  As an autistic, ADHD, dyspraxic kid, Cubs and Scouts certainly helped me to build up confidence and learn social skills. But ANY structured programme could be beneficial, and depending on your child's interests, martial arts, theatre groups, sports and youth groups can all be helpful.  Obviously, you need to find a group where the leaders/officers are confident in dealing with neurodivergent members, and where your child is happy and confident.

When I was an Education Welfare Officer for a secondary school for kids with moderate learning difficulties, many of whom were neurodivergent, we had several boys who joined a local Army Cadet unit and enjoyed it. One of the officers was particularly supportive, and encouraged them to work for the NVQ in Public Service - for kids with limited academic success this was the equivalent of several GCSEs.

Many youth groups now offer access to award schemes - the Duke of Edinburgh's Award is the best known, but there are also Gateway Awards and many others. These recognise "soft" skills, community involvements, and personal development, rather than academic attainment.

I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. If They’d of just left me in at five and things had gone on as they were going I would probably be in a juvenile detention centre or some sort of thing. There was no flexibility within me to adapt to state schooling without a considerable amount of flexibility on their part to change the way they schooled me and there wasn’t any sign of that.

later on as a teenager maybe I should have put me back into school but it would’ve depended immensely upon the school they put me in to. My parents thought  a small private school would be better but actually it wasn’t.

but if they had me statemented or ECHPed as they say nowadays around 14 or 15 and put me in a Big state school with lots of resources then maybe it would’ve worked out better.

Hi NAS86379,

I am sorry to hear that your son is struggling with anxiety about school. You may find it useful to visit our page on mental health and anxiety. This includes more information on strategies, help and support: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/anxiety

You also mentioned that you were thinking about home schooling as an option, please see our page home educating: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education/education-choices/england/home-educating

Kind Regards,
Rosie Mod

Thanks very much. The social side of things does concern me although it is also a big part of his anxiety as he is very lonely at school, despite staff running friendship workshops and play leaders encouraging him to join in games in the playground. The latter has been done but not consistently. We would hope to enrol him in after school clubs and play dates through things like sen socials Facebook page, but I accept that is not the same as going to school daily. Having said that the type of bullying a lot of kids experience at school also leaves emotional baggage, and my son is very vulnerable to this. Great point about exams being an ordered environment. Hadn't thought about that and he's so young that he may well be able to cope with them by the time he's 15 or so. Really appreciate your reply. Overall, Do you think it was better to have been home schooled or dyou wish you'd gone to school?

I hate to say it, but I've had to discover most of this on my own. It took my father 10 years to work out gluten was causing him issues and didn't tell me because he didn't want to 'influence' me. So I suffered a great deal from when young, living off of carrots and almonds mostly in my 20s. I was also poor. 

I have been trying to find studies and make myself available for anyone testing and it's crickets. But I recently found papers from around 2020 supporting the issue of low GABA in autistics and ADHD. So once I started boosting that, it helped. 

And luckily, I've just found others with similar issues and undergone a bit of trial and error. Following the low FODMAP as a rough guide has helped a great deal. Also, I can have eggs (which is the only allergy my son has), so I make flourless cakes or amaretti for myself. But even sugarcane is a cereal grain! So I buy beet sugar, maple syrup, date syrup for cooking. Paying attention to botanists has been a great deal of help. Once I discovered the connexion to my issues with broccoli, Brussels, spinach, and so on were they were all Mustards/ brassicas, it just made everything easier. I joke I'm allergic to veg, but it's really not funny how they affect me.  

I've seen dieticians and clinicians, there are so many things they don't really test for... it's chaos, to be fair. So my advice would be to take notes and do some of your own research if you can. x

I was homeschooled my entire childhood and we got inspected twice in all that time

I was homeschooled pre-equality act. And what that meant was when My parents wanted to reinsert me into schools (in private schools) it was extremely difficult for them to do so. I’m not sure it would be as difficult today. I suspect the threat of a lawsuit might entice a private school into negotiations.

I can’t tell you how your son might cope with homeschooling I don’t know enough about him I doubt you could express enough about him on an Internet forum. What I can tell you was that I was more or less ‘unschooled’ in the sense that my parents allowed  me to direct my own education more or less independently with The exception of a handful of things I was very bad at like mental arithmetic handwriting reading and writing.

but they didn’t really have to force me to learn, I had a voracious appetite for textbooks. in fact as a child I used to insist on taking our computers manual to bed as bedside reading for me. The issue with exams may be easier than it used to be. I believe it is possible to take an exam as a homeschooled student And that this can be booked through the local council although you do have to pay for it.

exams are a very ordered environment so while  the process of taking an exam is always going to be stressful it’s one of the few times and autistic student can walk into the classroom and know almost exactly how everything is going to run.

when I was 15 I went to an adult college and I found that a lot less stressful. In part because I was treated like an adult and expected to attend to my own learning. You attended lectures, you got on with your own work, and if you needed help you waved at a teacher in one of the workshops.

I would say if it’s done right homeschooling is great for academics. children who struggle with a school environment can really excel academically in a homeschool environment.

homeschooling absolutely sucks with regards to having a social life. I don’t know what kind of teenage angst an autistic child will have going through high school but I can tell you that going through homeschooling they’re gonna have a hell of a lot of emotional baggage afterwards.

even if you had some sort of after-school youth group he could go to Monday to Friday every evening, which as a teen he won’t, he would still be getting only a fraction of the contact he would with other young people if he was in school. Although those autistic people who have been in school have told me that that contact has often not left a positive impression on them.

Thanks a lot. My son has been referred to a dietician over the summer, which we have yet to hear from, and has had stomach issues in the past. I think stress is a major factor in his current problems but diet could definitely play a part too. Thanks for replying. It's another interesting perspective that may help get to the bottom of the problem. Will look into this area.

This is bringing back some memories for me. There were times when younger I could finally stop, have a holiday and would become violently ill. It was recurring as if my body was holding out till the right moment. This didn't seem to happen at my grandparents though, and I also remember my grandmother (father's side) was far more in tune with my digestive issues (as her side of the family had them, her father dying late 60s from 'stomach problems') but she was always concerned for our hydration: salt and a good amount of natural sources of sugars, which the brain and blood need. I didn't know I had low blood sugar, severe allergies and all kinds of unknown issues. Stress certainly doesn't help, but my mother was always off on a fad diet and made sure ours was low sodium/low sugar. I would visit my grandparents in the summer completely malnourished every year. 

Fast forward, I'm nearly 50 and have been through a few near death experiences with food. I'm now boosting GABA with a nootropics blend with Lion's Mane (one of the first things to really help), take supplants and probiotics and chlorella as I cannot digest the mustard family/brassicas (which include rapeseed and spinach). 

It seems there's a majority of Autistics with the co-issue of this gut-brian axis, GABA and its role in anxiety and digestion. Boosting it has helped on a daily basis, but it doesn't change difficulty with executive function and it doesn't change intolerances/allergies (which include all legumes and most grains). There is a good deal of research on biological issues now, thankfully. And growing.

On days my biology feels much more able, in less pain, more stabilised, I feel I can better manage leaving the house. However, even on days I can't, I find a great deal of comfort studying things I enjoy and setting my own path to exploring knowledge. There's no substitute for this. Over the years, I've oddly had others say to me I probably would've been held back or stifled in an institution and I think it's that the way they expect children to learn isn't how some understand best. 

My son didn't do well in school, no one noticed he was dyslexic, he had potential in certain subjects and then ended up with teachers who were unhelpful or bullied and couldn't focus on learning. He's not mid 20s's and starting a course toward therapy. We live much longer, there's always time to learn!

there was a promising article in The Times Tuesday: https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/latymer-upper-school-ditches-gcses-for-its-own-qualification-zwdqn3z08

Good luck with this! 

Thanks. Have seen most of what's contained there but there was also some new food for thought. Very helpful. Think we can approach home schooling in a more targeted way just as a result of this conversation. 

NAS86379 said:

What specifics are u referring to with regards to the English education system by the way? 

It was around the inspections:

https://www.gov.uk/home-education

The council can make an ‘informal enquiry’ to check your child is getting a suitable education at home. They can serve a school attendance order if they think your child needs to be taught at school.

That link has most of the info you need to cover the practicalities of it.

England. The midlands. Thanks for the detailed reply. really appreciate it. we have spoken to our son and he always tells us it is school that is worrying him although He is also a bit aggrophobic too. He hates it there and was worrying about going back during the holidays. We got him medically examined as a precaution in case the physical symptoms were caused by something else but school is definitely a massive anxiety trigger. Good advice about discussing subject matter for home schooling with his teachers. What specifics are u referring to with regards to the English education system by the way? 

NAS86379 said:

We have looked into homeschooling and think it would probably make him a lot happier and healthier.

This seems at odds with what you said earlier:

NAS86379 said:

We hoped that the summer holidays would give him time to decompress but he complained of stomach pains and nausea throughout, as well as refusing to eat solid food for a couple of weeks.

If he is suffering during non-school times then I think you may be barking up the wrong tree.

My opinion (not advice) is that he has a different stresser that is triggering his autistic anxiety - something that is present in the summer holidays as well.

I would be looking at the things or people he avoids like the plague - it may be a family member, friends, something online (bullying?), a neighbour, food groups, pets or pretty much anything really.

My reasoning is that if it were only school then in the holidays he would be free from it and would return to a low state of anxiety after a few weeks at most,

In your shoes I would be observing keenly myself as much as I could, getting a child therapist with autism experience to help him have an independent and safe person to speak to and get advice from and to start keeping a detailed journal of your observations.

If I am completely wrong and school is the trigger then home schooling is clearly a solution. You don't need to be there to be his teacher if he is able to work from an online course base. You also don't need to follow the ciriculim but I would suggest speaking with a teacher you trust to work through what is essential as well as desirable material for your son to study.

If he works well this way then you have the opportunity to customise his education to make him much more able to have a solid career in future, but to target this effectively it is worth getting a feel for what he is passionate about and guide his skills towards this end.

Out of interest, where are you based? US, England, Scotland etc? There are a few specifics relevant to this to keep the educational system happy.