Published on 12, July, 2020
My teen is very aware of her autism and how much it impacts her life. She has always been very tuned into her thoughts which is a challenge to deal with.
Her sister, 15, keeps being very unkind and her brother doesn't understand or know she is autistic. Her sister keeps calling her petty and selfish a lot recently.
She has overcome a lot and the past week has able to adapt to everyday challenges like showering without being told and using a different bowl when the usual one isn't available. These sound tiny issues but in her eyes they are the end of the world, massive and this is a huge achievement.
Her sister knows she is autistic but I don't think she cares much because she masks a lot therefore doesn't 'struggle' or 'act autistic' whatever that looks like. Just her being alive I am grateful for but her mental health is rapidly dealing because she sees how different she is to others and what she struggles with. I am staying positive but I hate seeing her like this.
Any suggestions on how to help will be amazing.
Hi,
I think you are doing all the right things. Other people often don’t realise what a big challenge some things are (like using a different bowl), as they themselves do not struggle with this at all. But you know how much of a win these things are for your daughter and it really helps to point this out to her. Focusing on the positives, no matter how small they might seem to an outsider, really helps- because you and your daughter know that these are big steps. This reminds me of some of my challenges with food (which are very much related to autism and ibs) and also how I handle stress. I had very bad and unhelpful support with this until I received help from a dietitian who really took the time to get to know me and has helped me so much (it’s actually thanks to her that I ended up asking for a referral for autism diagnosis). She knew how to get me to see the positives and put things into perspective- so I really think it helps to celebrate every small step. Also there is so much scope to get over some of these challenges- I went through phases of only eating the same meal over and over- for over 6 months I only ate 1 brand of eggs with 1 brand of rolls, apples and carrots. I was so stuck but now actually I’ve been able to really diversify and the key has been realising I am autistic, better understanding myself and realising that stress has a huge impact and I had lots and lots of positive encouragement. I actually also had an obsession with 1 particular plate, which sadly got damaged when moving and I continued using the chipped plate for months and in the end bought new plates with the same dimensions - so I can relate to the bowl struggle.
I’m not sure how you can get her sister to better understand the situation and to be kinder. But at least you understand and can provide positive encouragement. And lots of people on this forum understand too.
The other thing that comes to mind is to focus on those issues that are most important for well being and health- for me the eating was quite urgent. But for other things I don’t even try to change them as they make me feel comfortable and it doesn’t seem worth it (like I only wear 3 pairs of leggings). It’s a matter of prioritising- for example with the plates I ended up just ‘solving’ it by getting more of the same or similar type- i could have tried to work on this but it wasn’t that urgent and I did need more than 1 plate anyways so why not get the same :)