Overwhelmed mum looking for advice.

Hi - just want to make a few suggestions to see if anything helps.

NAS86518 said:

she keeps squinting her eyes shut and one trails off

Have you ever tried mimicking what she's doing with her eyes? It could be a form of free-play. If you slowly squint your eyes in light, you'll see these sort of light streaks and the geometry is quite nice. Perhaps a way to know if she's doing this is to find a kaleidoscope for her to play with. Different ones perform in different ways, but if after having it she squints less, then perhaps this is what is happening. 

I wouldn't worry so much about her eating habits. My son is 26 and will go through a bag of apples. Apples are highly nutritious -an excellent form of vitamins and minerals. Children are more in-tune with their biological needs, and our taste should associate the location of nutrients we might need with the food item we're familiar with which will provide it. I don't need to consciously think about a need for more selenium or vitamin b, I should simply have a craving for a an egg or prawns (selenium) or a spoon of honey (b vitamins - and honey is also a natural supplement packed with vitamins and immune boosting properties). Prior to the war, really, humans ate with the seasons. If all we had were apples or potatoes, that's what we might eat for the day. There is a massive problem with how we eat in modern life. Not only is it far more than we should, but we don't listen to our biology. Children especially don't need much. My grandmother used to say, "children will eat when they're hungry". If she's having plain pasta instead of cake, then you're probably doing it right. Never force her to eat, but allow her sense of smell to perk her curiosity. If you make squash or plain strips of meat (with nothing more than a little cows milk butter and salt), sometimes a thing sitting there for her to try when ready can help. The main problem with foods is all things in them. I have a friend who is allergic to most herbs and spices.

The hair issue sounds like a hard one. I did know someone who had a child with hair that had dreaded. The whole family were quite artistic, so it didn't seem to unusual. But I was never taught to brush out my hair by first starting at the ends, then slowly inching up. Most aren't taught this and it makes an extraordinary difference. I also didn't realise hair doesn't need to be washed but maybe once a week. And one of the biggest changes I've made as an adult is a brush with natural bristles, which help pull the natural oils through your hair. Most brushes are made with plastic bristles which won't do much and those natural oils are helpful to keep it from matting!

Think of autistic being as the authentic self which self-help books and self-awareness books try to help us 'return' to. Her sense-perception will be more in-tune with nature and so something like unnatural household chemical scents will feel like assault to someone who cannot just desensitise. The positive is their ability to sense 'danger' in this way, anything which has an immediate impact inside  or on the body. But we're also able to just be 'lost in our heads', which is a natural form of being. So cars, which have no immediate internal impact (until they hit us), are something we might not be immediately aware of. 

The other thing to mind is transitions and interruptions, as you've mentioned. interruptions can actually be the worst. If I'm thinking or visualising the world in my head someone makes a demand without warning (come here, let's get dressed, time for dinner), it's jolting. I will often say this will appear like waking a sleepwalker. The ability to just be lost in the moment, in our own imagination is a form of how we play. We might not share it and that's part of what can make it 'free' - is this sense of not being forced to follow anothers rules. But this is also how we learn. By sitting with something and really taking it in for a great deal of time. Jane Goodall lived in the wild for 9 months and only ate bananas with her chimps. She lived a ripe old age and just observed. We are better humans for her blocking out uninterrupted time to just observe. But also, the banana is a rather perfect form of food. 

Many non-speakers develop later and can become far more articulate than most. Autistics tend to let things simmer in our heads much longer. We think around and observe much longer, give her room to grow and become at her pace and this will help her trust you. Trust is really the most important element we can earn from our children. Everything else can be navigated.

Hi - just want to make a few suggestions to see if anything helps.

NAS86518 said:

she keeps squinting her eyes shut and one trails off

Have you ever tried mimicking what she's doing with her eyes? It could be a form of free-play. If you slowly squint your eyes in light, you'll see these sort of light streaks and the geometry is quite nice. Perhaps a way to know if she's doing this is to find a kaleidoscope for her to play with. Different ones perform in different ways, but if after having it she squints less, then perhaps this is what is happening. 

I wouldn't worry so much about her eating habits. My son is 26 and will go through a bag of apples. Apples are highly nutritious -an excellent form of vitamins and minerals. Children are more in-tune with their biological needs, and our taste should associate the location of nutrients we might need with the food item we're familiar with which will provide it. I don't need to consciously think about a need for more selenium or vitamin b, I should simply have a craving for a an egg or prawns (selenium) or a spoon of honey (b vitamins - and honey is also a natural supplement packed with vitamins and immune boosting properties). Prior to the war, really, humans ate with the seasons. If all we had were apples or potatoes, that's what we might eat for the day. There is a massive problem with how we eat in modern life. Not only is it far more than we should, but we don't listen to our biology. Children especially don't need much. My grandmother used to say, "children will eat when they're hungry". If she's having plain pasta instead of cake, then you're probably doing it right. Never force her to eat, but allow her sense of smell to perk her curiosity. If you make squash or plain strips of meat (with nothing more than a little cows milk butter and salt), sometimes a thing sitting there for her to try when ready can help. The main problem with foods is all things in them. I have a friend who is allergic to most herbs and spices.

The hair issue sounds like a hard one. I did know someone who had a child with hair that had dreaded. The whole family were quite artistic, so it didn't seem to unusual. But I was never taught to brush out my hair by first starting at the ends, then slowly inching up. Most aren't taught this and it makes an extraordinary difference. I also didn't realise hair doesn't need to be washed but maybe once a week. And one of the biggest changes I've made as an adult is a brush with natural bristles, which help pull the natural oils through your hair. Most brushes are made with plastic bristles which won't do much and those natural oils are helpful to keep it from matting!

Think of autistic being as the authentic self which self-help books and self-awareness books try to help us 'return' to. Her sense-perception will be more in-tune with nature and so something like unnatural household chemical scents will feel like assault to someone who cannot just desensitise. The positive is their ability to sense 'danger' in this way, anything which has an immediate impact inside  or on the body. But we're also able to just be 'lost in our heads', which is a natural form of being. So cars, which have no immediate internal impact (until they hit us), are something we might not be immediately aware of. 

The other thing to mind is transitions and interruptions, as you've mentioned. interruptions can actually be the worst. If I'm thinking or visualising the world in my head someone makes a demand without warning (come here, let's get dressed, time for dinner), it's jolting. I will often say this will appear like waking a sleepwalker. The ability to just be lost in the moment, in our own imagination is a form of how we play. We might not share it and that's part of what can make it 'free' - is this sense of not being forced to follow anothers rules. But this is also how we learn. By sitting with something and really taking it in for a great deal of time. Jane Goodall lived in the wild for 9 months and only ate bananas with her chimps. She lived a ripe old age and just observed. We are better humans for her blocking out uninterrupted time to just observe. But also, the banana is a rather perfect form of food. 

Many non-speakers develop later and can become far more articulate than most. Autistics tend to let things simmer in our heads much longer. We think around and observe much longer, give her room to grow and become at her pace and this will help her trust you. Trust is really the most important element we can earn from our children. Everything else can be navigated.