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How to prepare child for parents going on holiday alone

NAS79621

My son is asd and highly anxious with seperstion anxiety too . 

Myself and my husband are off on a once on a life time honeymoon for 10 nights in a couple of weeks , my son will be at his grandparents .

I haven't mentioned it yet as I know the worrying he will do from now until we're back again , but I feel I also need to prepare him . 

Tips and advice on how to do this would be great , in away that won't cause lots of distress . 

 I've already cried myself a million times at the guilt of leaving him.  

Thanks in advance 

  • Definitely prepare him in plenty of time, you haven’t said how old he is but there must be some social stories which cover this if you feel that would be helpful. If he is very depend on routine maybe Grandma and Grandad can write up a schedule in advance of any planned activities and meal plans, or maybe ask him if there’s anywhere he’d like them to take him or if he wants to bake with Grandma or something. Please don’t feel guilty for leaving him, I remember having some sleepovers with family and family friends because my parents were away for anniversaries or concerts which were bought as presents, they were fun and you need time for yourself too. It will also help him to have a sleepover in a controlled fashion in case any emergencies come up in the future then he’s already used to being away from home without you. I also remember being hauled to my Grandad’s in my PJs one evening because my Dad needed to drive my Mum to a London hospital (2hrs away) to visit her dying sister. Or if you have more children in the future and that sort of thing

  • in reply to Peter

    He’s probably going to think, ‘but I won’t have this or that thing I need at grandmas house.’ So expect him to end up packing more than he needs as an anxiety response to being away from home for a while. Him planing for the stay, working out what he’ll pack, what he’ll eat, where he’ll go if he needs to get out of the house while he’s there, having a plan and feeling prepared will help.

  • The longer you leave it the worst of a shock it will be. I remember my first stay alone at grandmas house. It was fun. Grandma was a lot of fun and spoiled me. If his grandparents are the same that will help. But I do remember my parents ringing me every day. 

  • Does he need alone time? This may be a good way to help him recognise the need. Unfortunately, there will be things child just won't understand until they're older which they just need to have big emotions over for now and there's nothing wrong with that in the least. 

    As we get older, our perspective on relationships and roles and our responsibilities within them will change due to factors which cannot really be explained - some things simply need to be experienced. According to his young perspective, your job is to be available when needed. That's completely normal. Part of growing up is to be met with moments when the humans in charge of us turn back into human form, relinquishing their idealised semi-deity selves we "worship and depend on" and this can help us learn some reasonable sense of our own abilities. Obviously, there is cause for alarm when this is taken to far. But in small reasonable doses, this will simply be one of those psychologically and emotionally difficult hurdles we all must go through. 

    You could prep him by asking how he would design his own day if you weren't around. Help him begin to think of things he'd like to be able to manage (if he's old enough) and maybe help set a schedule with the grandparents so he has something to look forward to. If he wants he could have a 'Test Run' to stay over one night and work out any difficulties. Act a bit like a boot camp and strategise? 

    Just an idea to turn it into something accessible for him to accomplish :) 

  • Don't feel guilty for needing a break. Raising kids is a full time job with no sick days. Besides honeymoons are usually one off things so ofc you want to go.

    NAS79621 said:
    seperstion anxiety too

    I was gonna ask if that's supposed to be superstitious, or separation anxiety but nvm I will answer for both:

    Maybe find out what he's really afraid of, and then physically negate it or talk the fear about it down, if it's "I need x, y, and z while you are away" then arm the grandparents to be able to cope with it, if it's "what if the plane crashes" then explain actual statistics of this and why it is unlikely etc.
    But you probably need to give him at least a weeks notice to ruminate on it and come to terms with it and then physically prepare for it. If he's worried about not having certain comforts from home let him pack a spare suitcase with stuff that makes him feel better to take with him if you have one extra.