Published on 12, July, 2020
My 23 year old son has just confessed that he has failed his second year of Uni for the second time. He managed the first year fine. The first time he tried the second year, he couldn’t handle the lack of routine during Covid and the second time he took the second year ie last year, he felt anxiety and suffered panic attacks about the invasion of Ukraine. He has spent what I thought was his third year of uni in halls paid for out of his savings leading us to believe he was managing and completing his third year. He is unable to say what support the uni offered as he stuck his head in the sand. I am waiting to hear back from the uni to see if they can reimburse any money for the next term’s housing costs and also to try to work out what went wrong. I feel shocked and hugely anxious even tho I knew something was wrong. He has lied three times about educational progress - the first time about a history a level he was studying for, the second time about not completing his covid year and now this last year. He obviously cannot handle failure and cannot ask for or accept help. Anybody experienced anything similar? Thanks.
Life can be overwhelming for us all no matter the age
School will always be available. But our relationships with our children are the most profound- there is no substitute. My son had this much trouble. We took a year off and then I tried to be as present as I could given work and not having much money.
It sounds like the hardest thing here might be whatever the barrier is to him feeing he can be truthful with you? I mean this with emotional weight. As parents we cannot force our children to trust us, and unfortunately that can be difficult psychological work on one self. But everything is mendable.
Thank you, Juniper. We have a good relationship and have talked about honesty and asking for help before. He has been able to be honest about how he is feeling now I believe and we have had some good conversations. I just feel so sad he is a bright boy who could have done well and now it feels like we are back to square one.
Hi- no you are not back to square one at all! I used to think this way when things didn't go according to plan, but you learn from everything and especially when things don't quite work out- you always learn something... and ultimately that will help in the long term. It is of course a huge blow to confidence but you do learn. From one of my experiences I think what I learnt really was 'how not to do things' which in itself was useful too.
You’re so right. Thanks for being a ray of light!
Thanks, Ann. I try to tell myself this but am struggling to remain positive at the moment. Of course, you are right and I tell my children this. I just need to follow my own advice!