Please help

I was diagnosed age 21, but throughout my teenage years I was convinced that there was nothing wrong with me, although I did not understand why it was so hard for me to make friends and connect with my peer group. I just thought that with time I would be able to make friends and would eventually  do all the 'normal' things my peers were doing.

My parents would often bring up Aspergers and OCD as reasons for my behaviour, but I did not want to be associated with 'special needs' people, and got very angry and defensive. I refused all offers of help from the school.

I only accepted the need for assessment when my problems became so severe that I was almost house-bound. My parents put pressure on me, but ultimately it was my decision.

Autistic has a finality about it, and affects what you can do, and still has stigma (as the professionals have let us down). For one thing it is written down in books how we think and do things - it takes away the notion of individual personality. Also the term autistic is used in a derogatory fashion by young people.

I can understand young people not wanting to admit it might appy to them. For parents it might seem the answer, but I think you need to see it from their perspective.

There are a few books out there written by young people about their experience (mostly atypical though Luke Jackson, Marc Fleisher, Daniel Tammet), but too few for that to be much help or comfort. There is a grievous lack of role models across ASC but particularly so for young people. Most is by parents or professionals.

I keep saying it, probably to no avail, but its the job of professionals to secure a proper understanding of this condition, from a point of view of day to day living, rather than just finding a cure. There are many aspects which could be alleviated if there was useful helpful information around.

I'm not saying don't ask him or her to come to terms with it, but just give a thought to the negatives young people perceive about it.

hey why are you not going to find out your local community or any organization who works forspecial people or any pscychologist or  any pscyhiatrist or any behavoiur therapiest  who know about autism  to consult . try to find out in you area where you live and please be calm when you cop with your son&try  to consult any specialist above i mention .because i also have abrother who is high functioning autism &his age is 17  . he is very aggrresive because he cant communicate at all .we try to  maintain his scheduale , &currently  he taking some medicine(apripazole , lemogine &rivotril) to stablize his tantrum,  irritation .

Hi,

I think getting your son to admit he is autistic will be difficult. I am in the same position I have a 20, 21 in a few days son who I know is autistic, but he won't/can't accept the diagnosis. He also has ADHD so sees adult services, the pyschiatrist there asked him if he thought he had autism and he just insisted he didn't, then reluctantly agreed he had tendancies. When he was studying and was assessed for the disabled students allowance, the pyschologist doing the assessment after spending 2 days with him asked if he thought he was autistic, again he said no, but after some persuasion allowed autistic tendencies to be put in the report so he was entilted to a mentor to liase with his subject tutors. Sometimes he gets so angry and frustrated and can't cope with life, which makes it difficult for the whole family. I have 2 daughters one with autism diagnosed at age 5 and both with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, so have physical difficulties. I know life can be physically and mentally exhausting. I don't know what support I can offer but it sometimes helps to know you are not the only one in your position.

Hi - have you talked to your son about autism?  What's his opinion about things?

He is a grown adult, first off all it needs to be about you, how this behaviours are effecting you and your relationship with your husband.

This is a hard one to answer because you are getting the effect of the cause and looking for an explanation but he is an adult and is responsible for his own behaviours and cause and effect on others.

You could try family counselling and see what happens or your son can talk himself to the GP to see if he can help in the situation. (if he sees one).

Good luck.

It's highly unlikely you will get support without a diagnosis at his age.  If you go to your GP and request a referral for assessment for ASC, and don't let your GP fob you off!

With a diagnosis, your son with be classified as having a legally recognised disability and this gives him access to a social services assessment of need as an adult, he can apply for DLA and you can apply for Carer's Allowance.  There may be services that the council provides that you can access too, and you can ask social services for an assessment of need for yourself as your son's carer too which will hopefully get you some respite.

You can contact your local parent partnership organisation to ask for help too (although I'm not sure on their age limits of the child, it might be up to 25 you'd have to check):

http://www.parentpartnership.org.uk/find-your-pps