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I need to get something off

JNJG1999

Okay where to start. I'm 23 and I dont have much, my mum abused me, dad is a mentally ill wreck who I never see (his mum raised me) I was diagnpsed with aspergers at 13. Which I doubt I do have it all. I think I might have BDP or PTSD

Growing up I never had any friends and I've been constantly surrounded by very old  people and young kids Never w ith people my own age,

I was 5 my best friend was born (our mums where childood friends.) He's now 18 and still in my life.

When I was 10 - 15 I used to play with him, look after him until his mum moved to chorley without telling me which drove me to depression and suicde attempts.

And the main point is that I can't get past it. I still want to have a little brother to take care of, I've tried to apply as a mentor to the bolton lads and girls club

but they said my mental health wasn't good enough. and I wanted to apply to health soical & childcare but my maths are bad

because of drugs my mum took when she was pregnant with me. I'm so sick of being alive, feeling infefior to people my own age because thye  don't believe my age (because I look way younger than my age.)  and unable to relate to them and I feel like I have no future. I have few friends no support no parental advice, protection or anything. I feel so scared and alone and I just had no idea anymore. What the hell do I do? it's htting me like a bomb how much i've missed out on, how i've never had a real life of developed an actual personailty I still feel like a scared litle boy most days. i'm so stuck!!

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Same here. I was always the smallest. It sucks don't it? and aw well I suck at maths as I said. lol Same again so i'm naturally good with kids and no I don't intend to have kids. and yeah thats true so many people these days don't know what being a parent means.

  • Hi.

    I was the smallest every year in my class, so I know how it is to feel inferior, and how hard it is to stop it, even though it's rediculous to do so, because everyone is different, and it's just social expectancy pushed on us.

    But how to stop it? For me it was math olympiade. Find your thing, it will show you that you are better than others

    I wanted a brother, it never happened. But I was a nanny to many cousins, and it showed me how to be good with kids. Don't feel like you lost something, you've got skills you might need one day when you have your own kid. It's so beyong many people these days.

  • Jasmineb, you are a legend!  More excellent advice - you are wise beyond your years sister, however you choose to measure them.  Very cool.

    That's a lovely way to end my night....thanks.

    Night night.

  • I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’m also 23, have mental health issues (due to bullying) and have had times where I have considered taking my life. I’m also often mistaken for being younger than I am. And have very few people my age to talk to. I can’t drive never had a boyfriend and feel incredibly inferior to people my age.

    When you really think about it our generation has been taken over by technology. and social media has meant that we are a lot harder on ourselves than previous generations. Because we are able to see how ‘fantastic’ other people’s lives seem and no matter what we try we can’t compete.

    So as hard as it is, I am trying not to compare my life to others my age because it’s unrealistic. The past 5 years of my life I have spent in a recovery mode almost like a coma and so really I’m about 17. Do the same for yourself minus years of your age depending on how much you think it’s impacted you. You won’t be so hard on yourself when you realise you are mentally a lot younger than your years. Maybe it’s why we look younger?

    I know you have said that you can’t be a mentor due to mental health. But could you try a different avenue?

    Have you thought about working with animals or maybe getting a pet. Maybe you could volunteer in a local pet shelter. Animals can be great companions and can give you a sense of purpose.

    what are your hobbies, what do you like doing? What have you always wanted to do? Maybe that can be a starting point.  Everyone has a purpose, you are on this earth for a reason, you just don’t know why yet.

    Please, please message me if you need someone to talk to. Everyone on here can be a source of support for you. I wish I could give you a hug. x

  • Hi JNJG.

    I think Cullpepper has given you some good advice above.  I'm much older than you and really quite good at maths.....but I also know how it feels to feel like you do.  You wrote it well.  I can tell it is your truth.

    This is really good.  You know what you are about already - now you just need go start moving forwards and doing stuff.  Any stuff (that isn't harmful or dumb) and I promise you will feel better.

    I know how hard it is to think straight when you are dealing with a head full of stuff like yours.  Don't be hard on yourself too much.  You are doing great compared to how you think it is.

    Don't panic - you've got time - you can start anyhow, anyway you can.......just start something.  That brings people and other stuff to think about.

    Keep in touch and don't do anything mad.

    Best wishes

  • I'm much older than you JNJG, i know how difficult it is, but you need to find something to do, If you find people difficult to bond with, is there anything near to where you live, like the dogs home, or something where you're working on the land, like a community garden. I forget where i read it, but a woman said she met-up with others near to where she lived, and went litter picking along the canal or the beach, once a week. She got satisfaction 'cos her area looked nicer, and it had become a social event.