I need to get something off

Okay where to start. I'm 23 and I dont have much, my mum abused me, dad is a mentally ill wreck who I never see (his mum raised me) I was diagnpsed with aspergers at 13. Which I doubt I do have it all. I think I might have BDP or PTSD

Growing up I never had any friends and I've been constantly surrounded by very old  people and young kids Never w ith people my own age,

I was 5 my best friend was born (our mums where childood friends.) He's now 18 and still in my life.

When I was 10 - 15 I used to play with him, look after him until his mum moved to chorley without telling me which drove me to depression and suicde attempts.

And the main point is that I can't get past it. I still want to have a little brother to take care of, I've tried to apply as a mentor to the bolton lads and girls club

but they said my mental health wasn't good enough. and I wanted to apply to health soical & childcare but my maths are bad

because of drugs my mum took when she was pregnant with me. I'm so sick of being alive, feeling infefior to people my own age because thye  don't believe my age (because I look way younger than my age.)  and unable to relate to them and I feel like I have no future. I have few friends no support no parental advice, protection or anything. I feel so scared and alone and I just had no idea anymore. What the hell do I do? it's htting me like a bomb how much i've missed out on, how i've never had a real life of developed an actual personailty I still feel like a scared litle boy most days. i'm so stuck!!

Parents
  • Hi.

    I was the smallest every year in my class, so I know how it is to feel inferior, and how hard it is to stop it, even though it's rediculous to do so, because everyone is different, and it's just social expectancy pushed on us.

    But how to stop it? For me it was math olympiade. Find your thing, it will show you that you are better than others

    I wanted a brother, it never happened. But I was a nanny to many cousins, and it showed me how to be good with kids. Don't feel like you lost something, you've got skills you might need one day when you have your own kid. It's so beyong many people these days.

  • Same here. I was always the smallest. It sucks don't it? and aw well I suck at maths as I said. lol Same again so i'm naturally good with kids and no I don't intend to have kids. and yeah thats true so many people these days don't know what being a parent means.

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