I need to get something off

Okay where to start. I'm 23 and I dont have much, my mum abused me, dad is a mentally ill wreck who I never see (his mum raised me) I was diagnpsed with aspergers at 13. Which I doubt I do have it all. I think I might have BDP or PTSD

Growing up I never had any friends and I've been constantly surrounded by very old  people and young kids Never w ith people my own age,

I was 5 my best friend was born (our mums where childood friends.) He's now 18 and still in my life.

When I was 10 - 15 I used to play with him, look after him until his mum moved to chorley without telling me which drove me to depression and suicde attempts.

And the main point is that I can't get past it. I still want to have a little brother to take care of, I've tried to apply as a mentor to the bolton lads and girls club

but they said my mental health wasn't good enough. and I wanted to apply to health soical & childcare but my maths are bad

because of drugs my mum took when she was pregnant with me. I'm so sick of being alive, feeling infefior to people my own age because thye  don't believe my age (because I look way younger than my age.)  and unable to relate to them and I feel like I have no future. I have few friends no support no parental advice, protection or anything. I feel so scared and alone and I just had no idea anymore. What the hell do I do? it's htting me like a bomb how much i've missed out on, how i've never had a real life of developed an actual personailty I still feel like a scared litle boy most days. i'm so stuck!!

Parents
  • Hi JNJG.

    I think Cullpepper has given you some good advice above.  I'm much older than you and really quite good at maths.....but I also know how it feels to feel like you do.  You wrote it well.  I can tell it is your truth.

    This is really good.  You know what you are about already - now you just need go start moving forwards and doing stuff.  Any stuff (that isn't harmful or dumb) and I promise you will feel better.

    I know how hard it is to think straight when you are dealing with a head full of stuff like yours.  Don't be hard on yourself too much.  You are doing great compared to how you think it is.

    Don't panic - you've got time - you can start anyhow, anyway you can.......just start something.  That brings people and other stuff to think about.

    Keep in touch and don't do anything mad.

    Best wishes

Reply
  • Hi JNJG.

    I think Cullpepper has given you some good advice above.  I'm much older than you and really quite good at maths.....but I also know how it feels to feel like you do.  You wrote it well.  I can tell it is your truth.

    This is really good.  You know what you are about already - now you just need go start moving forwards and doing stuff.  Any stuff (that isn't harmful or dumb) and I promise you will feel better.

    I know how hard it is to think straight when you are dealing with a head full of stuff like yours.  Don't be hard on yourself too much.  You are doing great compared to how you think it is.

    Don't panic - you've got time - you can start anyhow, anyway you can.......just start something.  That brings people and other stuff to think about.

    Keep in touch and don't do anything mad.

    Best wishes

Children
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