Published on 12, July, 2020
One thing I've never been able to understand or help my daughter with is the aftermath of a meltdown. Yes, she has meltdowns and struggles on a weekly basis and I can help her with that but it's the bigger ones I can't.
The ones she has in school I'm talking about. She is still shaken up from Wednesday's meltdown at school. She hasn't been settled at all and is on edge and is constantly pacing and crying. The school never told me that she had a meltdown and was restrained and held for ages, and she came home battered and bruised. I only found out because my daughter told me otherwise Id have no clue. The hardest part is the recovery and aftermath of the meltdown for her.
I want to help her more and understand so if anyone is able to tell me what helps them after to decompress and relax, that will be amazing. Thanks x
Another incident today. This time she ripped something off the wall and now there's a hole in the wall. She did have to be held but only for a minute or two, nothing major. The school phoned me to come pick her up so I did and in the end the staff told me I had to go into the school to get her because she was kicking off. She was apparently swearing, screaming, shouting and pacing all afternoon. Spent an hour calming her down. Luckily she's fine now.
Every Wendesday we have this issue so staff said its because she's not in for the rest of the week but my daughter said it's because of break and lunchtimes because it's unstructured and transitions she hates so school have put stuff in place. She is now in school every day starting tomorrow because staff will pick and drop her home because that's the main issue here. Fingers crossed tomorrow will be better.
But her meltdowns and outbursts have gotten worse since being at that school. When I was there, she was really kicking off and I've never seen her like that before but she said she was calm and in control and trying to get staff to actually do something. Basically kinda getting her own way which worked. She came out of school laughing saying its a joke how distressed she needs to be to actually get the help she needs. She basically admitted to me on the way home that she was in control and acted like she was exploding and struggling to get staff to do what she wants them to do, which was for her to be in more, which is now happening. She knows what to say to get her way now.
Thanks for the rant again. I'm happy they are doing something now, just a shame how much we had to go through to get the help. I don't talk to my husband or anyone about this because he hates the school and wants her out. I do but she enjoys school somehow so if she's happy, I am.
ParentingAutism said:she said she was calm and in control and trying to get staff to actually do something. Basically kinda getting her own way which worked. She came out of school laughing
If she was in control then it wasn't a meltdown. It was more like a toddler style tantrum to get what she wanted.
No it isn't right that there is such a lack of understanding and help that she deemed such behaviour to be necessary. However that does not excuse her behaviour and I hope that you have been able to get her to understand that since it happened.
Many autistic people are disbelieved when they have a genuine meltdown. They are wrongfully punished when it is assumed that the behaviour is wilful. What your daughter did just further fuels that injustice.