Just because they have needs...

Massive lover of the wee beasties - they are all over the garden.  I also love the fact that a) baby hedgehogs are officially called Hoglets b) English Romani people call them Hotchi-witchi.

I love language.....and hedgehogs.

Thanks very much Luna.  As it happens we have a particular fondness for hoggies round here, including a little hog house in our garden. 
xx

It's possible, although many parents would want to protect their children from becoming their carers, in as far as that's possible while the social care system is so run down.   

I would just love for mine to fly the nest.  Well, as long as that's for positive reasons.  As things are I feel they're just denied any chance of setting up their own home.  I wish it could be a choice rather than it being imposed by the usual conventions and systems. 

Aw I'm sorry life is hard at the moment.

Leaving you this hug.

Respect and love to you - till the next time. x

Funnily enough, that was one of my dad's favourite sayings too. 

I also believe we can catch up very quickly, basically because we are drawing on things that we have always, at some level, already known.  It might not have been put into words.  We might not even have had the words.  Or we might have believed that we were non autistic and identified with our own masking.  But we knew and all of the masks, defences and strategies that built up around our core have served their purpose, maybe still serve us in many ways, but we're onto them and can purposefully free up that core - the people we were supposed to be.

Yes, hope springs eternal.   

Jenny Butterfly said:

And I veer between existentialism, with a dollop of nihilism, and a strangely deeper-running spirituality.  But of course that latter is very personal and hard to describe. 

Still, I do wish that I'd felt able to move closer towards what I consider to be my authentic self much earlier on in life as the real growth could have started sooner and I could have been of more help to my family

Honestly, it's plain weird.  Things you write ARE me!

Despite our late start in self awareness - I believe we will catch up and then surpass our wildest dreams.

As my dad often said "Hope spings eternal."

Unknown said:

I've missed you around in recent weeks Jenny - nice to have you back here.  You always seem to express feelings that I am oh-so-familiar with in the best words imaginable.  You are a wizard who seems to know the same dark dark corridors that I have wandered through, but your words are an extremely effective torch !

Many thanks!  I am often around here still but sometimes feel bereft of words - things can get very intense here inside my head and there are some days when I really need to find my torch!  :)

And yes, I go through the usual patterns of venting and crying before buoying up and continuing with life.  It's a long way from what I envisioned but I sometimes wonder whether I am beng shown something else here, that I needed to be jolted from my formerly very conventional and very false life.  It is also very hard, when you're in the thick of it, to differentiate between necessary growing pains and purposeless suffering.  Perhaps, in a sense, none of it is purposeless.  And I veer between existentialism, with a dollop of nihilism, and a strangely deeper-running spirituality.  But of course that latter is very personal and hard to describe. 

Still, I do wish that I'd felt able to move closer towards what I consider to be my authentic self much earlier on in life as the real growth could have started sooner and I could have been of more help to my family and others.  This is why I'm so pleased to see autistic communities and autistic-led training and resources growing.       

Jenny Butterfly said:

And yes, the conventional ways aren't necessarily our ways, but there's been a long dearth of anything positive happening around here, whether in the orthodox ways or not.  

Jenny Butterfly said:

I can cope with specific things happening - i.e. one off negative events - much more easily than a daily grind which doesn't let up.

I've missed you around in recent weeks Jenny - nice to have you back here.  You always seem to express feelings that I am oh-so-familiar with in the best words imaginable.  You are a wizard who seems to know the same dark dark corridors that I have wandered through, but your words are an extremely effective torch !

I'm sorry that you currently have "carers fatigue."  Wholly normal.  Wholly awful.  It will pass.

I'm glad that you can all still all have a laugh about the nihilistic hopelessness and pointlessness of it all at the moment - in terms of dusting.  That's hope and joy right there !

Stick with it.  Vent away at us / me all you need.  Have a special coffee and a cry and a sleep.

Tomorrow awaits.  SMILE.

Lots of love to you and yours.

Truly fed up of "kings" and PMs.  So much for hard work and reinventing ourselves every few years!  We just needed to inherit or marry into wealth or positions.  ️

I wish I could feel more positive about it all.  

Yes.  It all feels like too much and I mistrust services after all of our negative experiences with them.  

I feel blocked or thwarted.  My sister is going to her daughter's graduation this weekend.  I daren't leave the house because my husband can't cope and I fear what I might find when I return.  The coffee definitely helps but it's not looking as though I can turn things around here.  Locked in.  For reasons which, although I have a vague idea about, ultimately remain obscure and not amenable to our efforts or good intentions.  

I'm doubting that I have what it takes to be a longer term carer, although I suspect many carers will feel the same.  I honestly didn't think that parenting would get harder as they got older.  

Yes - we feel incredibly fortunate to have our home - small as it is. As for having a PM who’s twice as wealthy as the King and who presides over a society where people can’t afford enough food etc……..don’t get me started. 

Yes. It’s not surprising we have days like this. It’s a lot to deal with - and so often without much help or even encouragement. I think sometimes you just have to let yourself admit that it’s hard and that - today - you have to have a moment where you let yourself say “I can’t do this” - even though you know you’ll get up tomorrow morning and feel that you probably can. And a stiff drink or whatever else helps is a probably a good idea :) 

I was just thinking today that just knowing there was a bit of help out there if we ever needed it would make a big difference. I don’t have that. My mum has dementia and my dad is completely unsympathetic, unhelpful and judgemental. My husbands parents are both dead - and our siblings are not there for us on any level. It’s really hard not to have family who care. But we are where we are and we can’t change that. We don’t have close friends - like many autistic people. So it’s just us - and on days when I feel particularly lacking in confidence and vulnerable I feel the lack of support really deeply. It helps to come on here and know that many other autistic people understand. I hope you enjoy your coffee - I only wish I had something similarly soothing!

Yes, our choices have been eroded and narrowed by external factors beyond our control.  And people are trapped.  As it stands I think we need much more space in our home, but that is nothing compared to those who can't afford a home at all. 

Still, rejoice that it's possible for some and certainly Rishi's massive heated swimming pool seems to be coming along nicely!  

Absolutely!  Thank you. 

And yes, we may feel like failures, but we absolutely aren't.  We also often need to ignore any sociatal standards, including our internalised stuff, because we're in an entirely different situation from the majority and those take no account of what we're struggling with.  I find it hard to be on a different path from many families around me, but I have to, and often do, find some intrinsic worth in all of this.  It's just that I also need some time and some creature comforts.  At the moment I am enjoying a "medicated" coffee.  :)

The truth is that the county has been run so badly over the last 12 years (and longer in some ways) that the most basic aspects of life in the U.K. aren’t working. The rental sector, the nhs, social care, welfare, employment rights, education for SEN - the list goes on. All underfunded and broken. I cannot believe how high rents are - it’s shocking. How anyone on a low income or benefits  can leave home I just don’t know. Never mind the deposits and the whole outrageous guarantor thing. It’s all loaded on the side of the landlord. 

It can work to have multigenerational households but it sometimes doesn’t. If I’d have had to live with my parents when I was an adult………yikes - would have been a threat to my mental health. On the other side of it one of my adult children lives at home and I wish he’d stay with us forever - we LOVE having him with us and I dread the day he moves out. It all depends. But it should be a CHOICE - and for many it isn’t a choice. 

And we definitely don't dust. 

www.ellenbailey.com/.../ellen_218.htm

Hi Jenny,

coincidentally I had a bit of a cry today for similar reasons. It can all feel so overwhelming sometimes can’t it? It’s not just one thing - it’s EVERYTHING. And the lack of support. The news is depressing too - you feel if there are no services now it’s only likely to get even worse! We feel very isolated sometimes - there’s no help really. I think having a cry is probably a good thing really. I feel I’m always trying to be strong - and I get so tired and worn out. It’s best to let these feelings out. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way too. It’s not surprising- I know that like me you have your own challenges and are also doing you best to support autistic children with all their challenges. My youngest is feeling very down - and everything I try and do to help him this week has not helped  at all. This makes me feel like a failure as I want more than anything in the world to help him. Sometimes we have to accept that we can’t always help - however much we want to. But as you say - have a rest, a drink or whatever helps, and tomorrow is another day - and hopefully a slightly better day. And if tomorrow isn’t better - then maybe next week. Or next month. But life is too precious to give up on it all. x 

Ah, the housework has fallen well below most ordinary standards around here.  That, at least, we derive a bit of humour from because a lot of housework seems to us to be a waste of life. 

I wear myself out, just doing housework.

Take as much time to yourself, as possible.